The Answers Dance Away
Tell me, how many times have you wandered the streets
Looking for an answer that isn’t there?
I remember the times that we spent in those streets,
Pretending that we still had a care.
We danced in the headlights of on coming cars.
And laughed as they swerved out the way
We were the power that held onto the truth
What ever we did was okay.
I remember the day that the music stopped,
Interrupted by the crash of a car.
I remember the day that your blood washed away
As the rain fell from afar.
I was alone in the streets and the headlights were gone,
Held rendered with fear from the past,
It was no longer love that I needed from you,
Just a reason to once again laugh.
Tell me, how many times have you wandered the streets
Looking for an answer that isn’t there?
If you are like me it could have taken you years
Of searching and calling in despair.
I remember the day that I went back to those streets
To the place where I lost you before,
I got down on my knees and let the silent tears flow,
I remembered you down to my core.
I can’t tell you
How many times I have wandered those streets
Looking for an answer that isn’t there.
But I can tell you I cried
On the day that he died
And my answer left with him there.
Hey, Wakegirl!
I’m Euph, and I am here to review your poem!
I’ll start off by saying that I love the first two lines in the first stanza,
“Tell me, how many times have you wandered the streets Looking for an answer that isn’t there?”
I love this opening because it asks a very relatable question which connects to the reader’s emotions. The next two lines set a feeling of nostalgia as you talk about recollections of times spent in those exact same streets, when you still cared about something. Once again, allows a strong sense of connectability for the reader: A definite plus.
The next stanza sets a fun feeling of both joy and judgement-free l times that fill the reader with a very graceful sense, which is soon to change as you mention a car crash.
As the poem continues, you change the emotions from joy and care-free to a sense of fear and lonesomeness as the person speaking is crying out in despair for a reason to laugh, without their partner along side them. The feeling of loss is one greatly known by many of us, so it hits home: Hard. As you end the poem with talking about going back to the street on which he died, the pain that broke free as the narrator fell to her knees, crying, you make the reader feel sympathy.
One small critique is in one of the last stanza’s where you write
“ I got down on my knees and let the silent tears flow, I remembered you down to my core.”
I am not a strong fan of this line, due to the last line. There is something about the way you say “Remembering you down to my core” that leaves me off with a sour feeling.. Perhaps you could make it something like ..
“I got down on my knees and let the silent tears flow
Your memory is one that is impossible to fade, to shake off.”
My favorite part is how you used repetition for the line:
“How many times have you wandered the streets Looking for an answer that isn’t there?”
Overall, the poem sent a rush of emotions through me, which is a wonderful thing as a writer to be able to do. I loved this piece, and I look forward to reading more from you. ^-^
I hope this review helps.
thanks so much this is really helpful I will definitely review that line as I see what you mean
This is a beautiful poem. The rhymes are natural, is has flow, and it depicts emotion very well. I love this.
Thanks so much x
this touches me to my very soul, i heart it.
Cheers Lee