The other day, I accidentally
spilled moonlight on the shadows
where you used to sleep.
I almost cleaned it up
until I realized it didn’t matter anymore.
I told the clouds they were not
welcome to shed tears
over your side of the bed,
that the rain had to drown me too.
I asked the sunset if
it ever missed the sun,
if vermillion meant farewell,
if the dusky purples hurt
when they were pressed,
if the coming darkness
felt as natural and as effortless
as it looked.
And when the night finally fell
in black oblivion
I found the light you left
in the corners of the room,
under the pillow,
in the spaces between my fingers.
I found it everywhere in the darkness
and nowhere in the daylight
and I hate you for that –
Which is why I started
making room for the moon in my bed
even though he bleaches the sheets.
And I let the clouds lay down their burden
gently, gently over your pillow
in place of my own.
I stopped asking the sunset questions
that I couldn’t answer
and started digging my hands
into the gracefulness of the sky and the ocean and
everything in between.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I wish I could write poetry like you.
The way you bring words/images together is beautiful. I loved how you included elements of the sky (moonlight, sunset, rain). It's honestly amazing to read.
I love how you are able to craft words into beauty. The way you write this... I have no words. Maybe one word, and it's, Flawless.
Amazingly written, keep up the good work.
This is amazingly well-written and definitely evokes emotion and imagination within the reader. It is gorgeously sad and relatable, but also makes you glad for some reason. At least, it made me happy. Maybe that's because it's so beautiful. Keep going and don't stop.
I can certainly imagine this as a song...
When I read this through, I really do feel like the person inside is there, meaning, I'm sure, you wrote this from your heart. Things written from the heart are difficult if not impossible to critique, because as long as you have your own style and a basic understanding of grammar (which you do), it is most always flawless to those who luckily happen upon them.
Kudos and braaaavooo!
Amazing work you have here. The metaphors and imagery of this poem are excellent. I just love poems that have anything to do with the night or the moon it gives poems much more feeling and complexity. The way you describe the hidden moonlight throughout is just awesome . There is honestly nothing to critique about on this poem. The only thing i can say is that you should write more poems similar to this, perhaps with nature in itself or other types of scenes. Keep writing please
Okay, wow, I wish I could write poetry like that! I love your choice of language and it was a very deep, thought-provoking poem. Your use of personification is amazing and I have nothing to criticise since I could honestly never write such a beautiful poem. It flows perfectly and from the very first line I was drawn in and couldn't stop reading
That was amazing! Deep and interesting! The first stanza grabbed my attention and right from the get go I knew it was going to be a good poem. It was very creative in the way you gave the sun, moon, clouds, and sunset human like characteristics, personification!
"I told the clouds they were not
welcome to shed tears
over your side of the bed,
that the rain had to drown me too. "
for me this was the best stanza, I could sense the agony the narrator felt just as I was reading the last line, which was the biggest impact for me in the whole poem! you did a great job with this! keep writing!
Hi vitamere, have a good day! Dream here with a quick review on your poem.
The implied meaning in the poem certainly need a sharp scrutiny. Perhaps with the help of the title of the poem, I can understand a little about the theme of your poem. Is it a silence that makes you talk with the subjects around you(the sun, cloud, rain and moonlight)?
I like how you use imagery to pictures the abstract words with sense of touch and sight also movement. There is a lot, which unconsciously make it a poem full of Bombastic element(describe a use of language more elaborate than is justified by or appropriate to the content being expressed).When you use too often like this writing styles, the real message being conveyed is not so clear.
The things that impressed me here is the diction used are so wonderful. It is like a fantasy poem which you don't care about the reality and you can write anything pass in your mind. Your poem is indeed amazing to read! I understand in some context of the poem and I was just like 'you have a talent!' Sure you do.
Overall, nice poem to read! Keep it up.
Kudos,cheers.
Hi there! I appreciate the review. Let me give you some background on why I wrote the way I wrote.
So this was actually an assignment for my Romantics period English lit class. We were supposed to write a Greater Romantic Lyric. Structurally, the Greater Romantic lyric starts out with the narrator observing and reflecting on the landscape (hence the moonlight, clouds, and sunset metaphors), something changing in the landscape ("and when the night finally fell/in black oblivion") that provokes a deeper meditation and ultimately an altered mood or state of thinking (the last stanza). So it's not so much use of bombastic elements than it is the patterning of a Greater Romantic Lyric, or at least I hoped so and was aiming for.
If you understood the poem at its very basic, it is essentially talking about the loss of a loved one, with an emphasis on the "empty spaces" s/he left behind. The narrator is appealing to Nature, as often many great Romantic writers did, for answers s/he is trying to find, but really couldn't. And the end (last stanza) of the poem shows the change in attitude of the narrator, as they finally begin to learn how to move on from their emotional loss.
So I hope this clears it up for you and perhaps any other readers! Thanks for the thoughtful review.
I see^^ well, that make sense
you should add A/N here for sure.
WOW.
That poem was amazing. the imagery you used floored me. I felt like rolling over and sobbing in my pillow for hours while reading it.
my favorite lines:
"I found the light you left
in the corners of the room,
under the pillow,
in the spaces between my fingers.
I found it everywhere in the darkness
and nowhere in the daylight
and I hate you for that –"
The way you expressed there being light in the darkness, made me think of memories of a loved one gone, how they leave light even though it's dark.
it reminded me of the lonely feeling at night, but not in the daytime, because things distract us.
spot on. heart-wrenching. I love it.
Keep writing, because you have serious talent.
I feel like I'm almost completely out of my depth with this poem, so I won't even try to review it. IT WAS AMAZING. The first line pulled me in, and I couldn't look away. It was beautiful, with such delicate, original imagery. This is the best poem I've read on this sight so far. You're extremely talented, keep writing-writing-writing!!!!!!!