The bodies in front of me look like a scene from a nineties slayer movie, covered in blood and their eyes expressing what a horrifying death they all suffered. But the scene is yet to be complete, because darling you're not there besides your slut of a girlfriend and your two kids. Who by the way just minutes ago sat by the table waiting for you to come home from work. The only person waiting for you now is me, sitting by the table with a knife soaked in your beloved's blood.
I run my tongue over my lower lip and the metallic taste of blood fills my mouth. Your girlfriend fought with great power before she gave up and switched tactics and begged me to spare the little ones. Zach, she screamed your name for help, but you weren't there were you? I remember you promised to protect her when you proposed last Christmas, so now we've both been a victim of your pathetic lies.
Anger; A clenched white-knuckled fist, a problem, where words turn into actions of madness. I can't remember the last time I felt so angry, so sad but yet so calm at the same time. It's a familiar kind of pain that brought me here tonight. The same feeling of pain, depression and hopelessness that you promised to help me beat. However, you only ended up adding anger, hatred, disgust and disappointment.
Once again, t's the darkness that fills my head that is coating everything with inky, smothering blackness. Flashbacks is what kept killing my mind lately. I hear your voice talking in my head, your great acting that made me fall for everything you said. Empty promises about better days, and that you would stand by my side until my smile was no longer forced.
Do you realize that I still remember the day you entered my life? The hope I felt when I took the bus home after I finally had the guts to open up to you. When I realized I wasn't fighting this alone anymore, I was relieved, and I saw a future for myself without the strong will to die. Battling my depression and anxiety was a lot easier with you by my side. You showed me that I could be all right, and I believed you. Until you left at the worst and caused a relapse with insanity I've never gotten out of.
Clearest of all the memories is how your blue eyes looked at me with some kind of admiration when I told you my story. Hearing you say you cared, that you would always care. I remember it perfectly because it's exactly 365 days ago. I bet you'll regret being there at all when you find your family, but not as much as I regret opening up and letting you fuck up my life.
Like broken bottles lying by the roadside, shattered, we lie. Lying is a part of existence, but your dishonesty killed me from the inside. I feel foolish that trusted your lies when you're not the first to screw me over. Remember I told you that eventually you would give up and leave? Remember you swore on your family's life that something like that would never happen between us? I went to you for comfort, support and now I'm more stuck in this labyrinth of delirium and hysteria than I never knew existed.
You told me your demons name, and you named my own. It's funny that you used that cliché theory about a devil and an angel on my shoulders and the never ending fight between the good and the evil inside me. Zachary, you taught me to not listen to the demon telling me to drink, smoke, or cut. You made me realize that the evil voices in my head were rong. You taught me to fight and for the first time I actually thought I was worth something. But when you left, you only made me become the demon I'd conquered, and that's who's in your home this evening.
Stumbling to my feet to get a refill of your vodka, I stop to catch a proper view of your home. Obviously, your girl had the same love for decorations and artistic expressions as you have. Now I wonder what you'll think of the new pattern of blood that is all over your living room floor.
Darling, I can hear your car coming up the driveway and I hear the sound of the rock usic you listened to on the way here. Then all I hear is the faint, rather ominous tapping of your shoes on the marble stair as you walk through the door. Then you simply open it and I see your face in the door. Surprised to see me here?
"Um, what are you doing here? How do you know where I live?" oh sweetie don't you get that when I know you as well as I do finding your home was amazingly easy. All I had to do was look for a lawn with a sign saying "stay of the pitch" with Manchester United’s red devil on the side. Because Zach that's how predictable you are, and that's how observant I am that remembers your mention of that sign.
Zachary, you're amazingly calm, but then again you don't know what you'll see when you walk around the corner. Right now you just look a bit confused and.. ashamed? Why is that Zach? Are you ashamed of what you've made me or because you know you've lost? Don't worry this life does only have losers so we're both doomed. Calmly you ask where your family is, and even you are smart enough to take the hint when I turn my head towards the living room.
Oh Zachary, why are you so angry? Why are you crying? Didn't you swear on your family's life? You fall down by your woman and check her pulse, but it's too late and you know that. That doesn't stop you from trying to wake her up, and a little part deep inside of me want you to succeed. I don't like seeing you in tear love, I don't like it all. Tears run down from your eyes when you look at your kids, they really meant a lot to you right? You told me they were the reason you got your life together and kept on living, but now you've lost them. In the same way you were my reason to live and you left me? We've both lost our reasons of never ending pain this life throws at both of us. All excuses we had for not ending ourselves are gone darling, in some ways I know you're relieved.
You think I hate you, but in fact, I love you too much. Not in a romantic way, I could never let myself fall for you, nor you'd never let yourself fall for me, and don't you realize that was the beauty of our relationship? The other kids opening up to you with their feelings wants to get close to you because they have a twisted image of reality and see somewhat of a romantic future with you. The only future I thought had with you was a future that ended as soon as I graduated, then we would keep on with our separate lives and maybe meet again a few years later when things have worked out for us both. That is the future you promised me, but it's a future none of us will see.
Hate colours the soul. It spreads throughout the entire system, shutting down all other feelings and becoming central to the life and the intent of the person. When you turn around and look at me that is exactly what I see, hatred. "How could you do this?" You ask, I have never heard your voice sounding so cold before. Don't you get it? What you feel right now is what I felt when you; the only person I've ever trusted left me feeling more alone than ever.
The evil that emerges from my heart is again taking over. I do not want your support I want you to suffer, and I want your blood on my hands as I leave this place. While you lay on your knees grieving, I finally snap and pull the gun from my tights. Oh, you should feel honoured Zachary. You're physically strong so I don't have a chance killing you with my hands, that is something to be proud of isn't it?
"GREAT! SHOOT ME, YOUR EVEN MORE SCREWED UP THAN I EVER THOUGHT YOU WERE!!" oh sweetie I could never kill you. Coming here, I intend too but now that you're here I can't. The place of torture and death must seem like a place of grace and beauty by now, right? The bullets will only make you unconscious, if I wanted you dead I'd have to shoot you about ten times or so and we both know I'm too weak to kill you. We both know you meant way too much for me once.
In a matter of seconds, I load my gun and points it towards you. Why do you look so disappointed? Because you've survived gunshots with a Glock before? Darling, have you always wanted to die? I know you have, and I'm sorry I had to do this before you realized the same thing. As I pull the trigger and watch youfall, all sorts of images go through my mind. Flashback of all the suicidal nights you saved me, all the visits when I was locked up in a mental institution and the feeling of safety I always felt around you. I remember what I wrote to my friends about you, about my admiration for the way you handled the shit you've gone through in your younger days. I never meant for my inner demons to scare you away when you did everything you could and I only wanted things you couldn't control. The metal of my gun rests towards my own temple and my mind is foggy.
The blackness around me is too bewildering and it completely surrenders me. This is unbearable. I just ruin the life of the only person I've ever trusted, the only person that has has been there. You should've let me given up a year ago and we wouldn't have to deal with this. The light slowly faded and as I'm whispering my last words of apology slowly press the trigger. The light slowly faded, and finally so did I.
Zachary, the floor is now complete, and you with your beloved ones are surrounding the masterpiece that is me soaked in my own blood.