Cover art for MERCY: Playlist, Prologue, Chapter One

MERCY: Playlist, Prologue, Chapter One

by velvetcatsz

Published August 10, 2026

12+ Violence Mature Content

In MERCY: Full Novel

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(Thank you so much for checking this out!) OPTIONAL PLAYLIST:

RUNRUNRUN: Dutch Melrose

Fairness: Dalparan

Etude in E Minor: Francisco Tarrega

Romance: Yuhki Kuramoto

Toxic: 2WEI

Worship: Amber Run

War of Hearts: Ruelle

Dynasty: MIIA

People You Know: Selena Gomez

Luminary: Joel Sunny

Experience: Ludovico Einuadi

Wars of Faith: Audiomachine

Friends: Finding Hope

You're Somebody Else: flora cash

I Found: Amber Run

***

PROLOGUE

COBRA TERRITORY — YEARS EARLIER

COBRA TERRITORY — YEARS EARLIER

“Mom!”

A young boy’s voice shouted, his dark hair drenched, plastering to his tan skin. He blinked, the rain dripping off his sleeves. “Mom!” He screamed again. Fear shot through his small body. He didn’t know where she headed. She said she would come back. That’s all she told him. He thought she was just going for a walk. His stomach dropped, suspecting the worst. Where could she have gone in this weather?

Thunder boomed. Lightning crackled, hitting a tree. It hit the ground with a thud. Rain crashed down. The boy took a few steps back, stumbling. Small footprints were left in the slimy mud as he adjusted his footing and trudged through the storm. He saw a bright light up ahead. It looked warm and inviting, a stark contrast to the darkness surrounding it. He began stumbling towards it, hoping for warmth, or possibly some shelter for the stormy night. He was blinded by hunger. The boy knocked on the heavy, metal door. It was secured with bolts and stones. He froze as the door creaked. And again. A shadowy figure appeared in the doorway. The boy took a few steps back, alarmed. It was a bad decision. He should’ve never come. The figure exhaled slowly. He staggered back again.

“What do we have here?”

A lady revealed herself in the entrance. She had long, thickly-layered dark hair with cold, beady, light brown eyes and thin lips. The lady had skin as pale as the moon.

“C-can I come in-n?” The boy whispered, shivering. His eyes were filled with fear, trembling, but tempted by the radiant warmth, despite how she stared coldly. The lady eyed him up and down. “Where are you supposed to be, little boy?”

“I got separated in the s-storm,” he replied, shaking with cold.

The lady thought for a second, and something in her expression shifted. She sighed. “Come on in.”

Gratefully, the boy followed her down the stony hallway. He stared wide-eyed at his surroundings. A huge window was set on the right, and he watched the lightning flash, lighting up the walkway for a second.

A train of thought abruptly came to the lady. There was something different about this boy. Something mesmerizing, something valuable. Something…useful. He was quiet when he walked, she observed. His feet hardly making a noise, his eyes clear and narrow.

As she walked away, a vision flashed in her mind. She would train him as her own. Why not? She would make him the second most feared in the Tribe, the first loyal assassin in Istaeile. Obedient, crafty, quiet. No one would dare question him, except her. She would name him after the sea, calm, but powerful and unpredictable, just like the ocean’s waves. Only then would even the others respect her Tribe. Her mouth curved into a soft, cunning smile.

She believed she was forging a powerful, ambitious weapon. But she didn’t know it then—that not all oceans can be tamed. Some only leave you crawling for mercy.


CHAPTER ONE--RAVEN

Never trust anyone.

It was what Axel taught the Eclipse Tribe from the very start. It made sense. Never get attached, never get hurt. So I’ve learned to accept it, even if it didn’t resonate with me. Or…I thought it didn’t.

I’ve lived here for years. Ever since I got abandoned and Axel took me in, the Eclipse Tribe has welcomed me as their own. And I hardly ever questioned anything or any of Axel’s choices. After all, he was leader. And this Tribe is his. He raised me.

And so I follow his rules. I try my best to.

I broke it once. And lent my heart to a boy last winter. A boy called Draco.

He is still living in the Tribe, and I catch him constantly just staring at me. I always shift uncomfortably under his amber gaze, the hairs on the back of my neck rising whenever I hear his name. When I was in the relationship, he kept pushing my borders, pressuring my decisions, taking the advantage way too quickly.

I took that as a lesson, and my best friend Solar helped me break up with him, taking my back as I confronted his actions. Looking up, I realize I’ve locked eyes with him. Again. I shift my weight from foot-to-foot, pretending to be interested in another conversation. “You’re avoiding me,” Draco hisses. I turn away, my hands clenching.

“Raven?”

I look to see Axel approaching me. Relief washes over my body. I have something else to deal with besides him.

“Yes, sir? What do you need?”

“Would you mind gathering some fruits for the Tribe? Our stock is running pretty low, and I would like it restocked and full,” Axel explains. “Of course!” I say right away. I don’t mind getting away from the bustling crowd of people for a bit. The quiet is sometimes…comforting, the wind blowing my dark blue hair up.

I walk out the entrance, then venture quite far away from the camp to a small berry patch. It is my favorite spot, and I love sitting on one of the smooth boulders, letting my mind drift. A little llygon scurries past me. It freezes, its fairy wings glittering in the sun. Its little pink tongue flicks as it scavenges for scraps of food. I smile, and it stops for a moment, cocking its head to the side, midnight eyes wide, and seems to mirror me. I laugh and shake my head as it scurries away.

It’s not the only animal type here. In Istaeile, the animals have all adapted to the land. Lucky for me, this is one of the harmless types. My jaw tightens, picturing the Dewryn and Mokie. The Dewryn is a panther with antlers like a deer. The spikes protrude out of its fur and line its spine, making any living thing easy prey. The Mokie is a mountain lion, and its tail is like a whip with sharp, jagged sides.

And from experience, I’ve learned to never. Ever. Approach them. A small smile crosses my face when I remember being younger, thinking they were pet-worthy, and trying to carry a baby Mokie home. I still remember Axel’s look of horror planted on his face.

I start humming a tune to clear my head from my busy thoughts. Despite the dangers, the humans usually live in harmony with nature, finding peace in the running streams and rocky cliffs. My mind shifts back to Eclipse. The place I’ve always called home.

Axel talked often about a pendant. I’ve only heard of it. He said it was a deep, mesmerizing blue, and held healing powers. I could see the desire in his eyes, the hunger for power and dominance. His ambitious dreams were dangerous. He also knew that the Cobra Tribe had it. He told us the legend. The healing magic came from a radioactive-looking plant, with neon blue veins. It only blooms once in a million years. And from the way he spoke about it, I could tell he believed it. And wanted it. Badly.

So, I wasn’t surprised when he launched an ambush. Cobra was ready, surprisingly. I assume that they had spies, eyes on us, somehow. We lost that battle. We lost it because of one person. Cobra’s assassin. He looked young, his eyes sharp. Quick with blows, he aimed with accuracy, taking Eclipse out. Knocking us down, one by one, until Axel was forced to call a retreat.

Suddenly, something large and solid smashes right into my head. Hard. I try dizzily to stand up and turn around, but by now, my vision was already fading in and out and fizzing black. No…no…no! Who did that? I stumble, tripping over a bump in the ground. The solid dirt comes rushing to my head. Everything goes dark.

I wake up in a dark, cold room. I try to stand up, but something was holding me back. I turn around to see ropes tied tightly around my wrists, which were then looped several times around a chair. Fear shoots through me. Where am I?

“Finally awake?”

I look back forward to see a boy. A young man with mesmerizing, unusually dark blue eyes and shiny, jet black hair. His eyes seem to glow a light electric blue in the dim light. Yet they look hard and calculating. His voice sounds amused, and he looked a bit older than me. Cobra’s assassin! I stare into his eyes, refusing to break eye contact. I remember how he could knock people out with just a blow, and how his eyes dart around, observing and calculating how fast he had to move, and how much effort he had to use. Clever. He starts to circle me.

“I remember you from the battle,” he continues to say, examining his hands. He picks up a sharp dagger. “What’s your name, darling?”

“Don’t call me that,” I insist. My cheeks burn with rage. He bends down to my eye level, his face so close to mine that I lean back. My eyes follow the motion of the dagger, which is getting awfully close.

“Then what is your name?”

“Raven.”

It suits me.

He chuckles, a smug look on his face. “Fine, I won’t call you that, little Blackbird.”

I roll my eyes, flushing. I want to wipe his expression off so bad, but I don’t know what to say.

“It was fairly easy to knock you out.” I flush, glaring at him with fire in my eyes. He sharpens the dagger, and I tense up. He stares at me, a ghost of a smile on his face.

Was I really that unaware? I exhale slowly. That’s my fault. “What am I supposed to do with that information, idiot?”

“Great nickname,” he drawls sarcastically.

“I give up,” I sigh. I suddenly notice a blue pendant resting heavily on his neck. I suppress a gasp. The pendant Axel is hunting for! I imagine the look on his face if I bring it back to him. I would be doing a great honor for Eclipse.

“Good,” he replies. My attention snaps back to him, watching as he grabs another weapon, sharpening that as well. The sound of screeching metal reaches my ears. He looks at me again, his eyes darkening. My heart thumps, and I feel blood rushing to my head. He hesitates. I tilt my head. What is he hesitating about? He pauses, lets go, and continues to move to a shelf, leaving the newly sharpened weapons and grabs another dagger. A shudder of fear takes over me, and I try desperately to free myself. “What are you going to do?”

“Don’t worry, little Blackbird,” he says. “trust me.”

How does he expect me to trust him? I raise an eyebrow, wriggling. He’s from Cobra. Worst of all, he’s Thorn’s assassin. But still I freeze, scared that he would threaten me if I say no. I feel him behind me. My breath catches in my throat as I feel his warm breath on my ear. He grabs the rope. It tightens around me. Fear spikes through my chest. “What are you doing?” I repeat, my words scraping up my throat. It suddenly loosens. He had used the dagger to free me. I turn around, full of surprise. “Go ahead,” he murmurs, opening an entrance I had not noticed before. “The door’s open.”

I look back with confusion. “Why did you bring me here then?”

He glances over at me. “You don’t need to know, little Blackbird,” he says, his eyes observant.

“What’s your name?” I ask, curiosity overtaking my fear.

“Why do you want to know?” His smug look says it all. I sigh.

“Never mind.”

“Now, do you want to stay? Because I will gladly keep you here,” he mutters impatiently. His eyes flick towards the open entrance, then settle back on me. “I stick to my words.” I press my lips together tightly, backing towards the door.

“I’m going, I’m going,” I say, then without another word, I run out of there. I try to forget the situation. To move on. There was nothing special about the encounter. My chest tightens. But the thoughts won’t leave me alone, and it gets even worse when I tried pushing them down. His unique, dark blue eyes… they carried a sense of observance. Sharp and focused. His presence still lingers with me. I feel a strange drop in my stomach. I’ve never thought much about anyone. Not like this. Even when I first met Draco. Cobra’s assassin could’ve kept me there. Or he could’ve done even worse. I shudder, my thoughts overflowing. So… why didn’t he…?

…why did he spare me?


Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
dragonight9
Review
dragonight9 wrote a review Review · Sep 9

Hi Cats! I saw your most recent chapter in the green room and thought I'd check out this story. I'm excited to see your take on Romantazy.


That was straight dragon FIRE

At first I thought this was a revised version of the Threads of Destany, (it looks a lot better btw) but then it switched to Raven's view which I thought was very interesting and exciting. (Is this the first time you've done first person pov?)

I love the introduction of animals to this world. Some friendly and harmless and some less so. Very cute.

It may just have been a while but I don't remember this from Dylan's perspective. I still loved the scene though. He seems a lot more menacing like this. He's always been calculating but I didn't think he was so callus or cocky as he seems here.

I also like how Raven compliments him in subtle ways here and there despite his demeaner.

Some loose scales

This was very well done. I couldn't find anything to put here! Amazing job.

As mighty wing soar overall

This is a very interesting re-imagining of the story and I can already see how the romance part may play out. I am so excited to read more.

Final wisdom of the dragon friend

I will probably be reading and reviewing the final book of your Threads of Destany series soon. I keep putting it off because it is so long but I'm also really interested to see where it ends.

On that note, the books are out of order in the portfolio. Not sure if you can change that but I thought I'd let you know.

May blazing dragon-fire light your path and ignite the flames of your inspiration.

velvetcatsz replied · Sep 10

Yes, first time with first person POV!! It has changed a lot, thank you for checking this out!
AAA THANK HOU SO MUCHHHH
i might change the order later, thanks for reading and reviewing!!

User avatar
Tikaya
Review
Tikaya wrote a review Review · Aug 13

Morning Catz ^^
Have come to read your new story!

Alrighty! So, your very first sentence has a bit too many adjectives and adverbs so I suggest cutting some and maybe add an explanatory sentence why the boy’s suddenly so afraid for his mom. You say that she said she was just going for a walk---so what prompted this sudden fear? Maybe a hint of that would work well for this first paragraph?

Oh, do you mean “footprints” here?

Small footsteps were left


He saw a warm light up ahead. It looked warm
Maybe you could skip the first “warm” and/or replace it with another adjective? 😊 To avoid the repetition~

Ah since you had the boy speak in this paragraph, THIS should go into the next paragraph:
The lady eyed him up and down. “Where are you supposed to be, little boy?”
New speaker, new paragraph :3

A train of thought abruptly came to the lady.
This took me out of the story because so far we’ve been following the boy’s POV and now you are veering suddenly into the lady’s ^^°

I do wish we would have seen some more of why the lady thinks this child is so special that he can become an assassin. Maybe he was especially quiet when he walked? Idk what she saw in him qq It feels so random?

Other than that a very interesting start! Excited for Ch1 so here we go!

That’s a really nice line! I like it a lot:
So I’ve learned to accept it, even if it didn’t resonate with me.


Hm maybe a hint of how long ago this relationship happened would work to see how long Raven’s been ignoring Draco?

Hmmm
A little Llygon- a lizard with tiny fairy wings, huge midnight eyes, and a cute pink tongue, scurries past me.
Here, a tip: Raven has known this critters all her life, right? Why not reflect that in her descriptions. “A little lygon scuttles past me, its fairy wings glittering in the sun throwing colourful spots onto its scales. The lizard rests for a moment until…” idk it spots her, midnight eyes going wide and then it scurries away idk. You could put the description of the eyes somewhere in this sentence f.e.:
I smile, and it stops for a moment, cocking its head to the side, and seems to mirror me.

Something immersive that grounds the creature in Raven’s knowledge and her surroundings? :3
(incidentally if Lygon’s are normal animals there, why capitalized them? XD)

There he is *smiles*
We lost it because of one person. Cobra’s assassin. He looked young, his eyes sharp.


Uh why?
My cheeks burn with embarrassment.
I figure she might have different priorities?


Oh that is an interesting beginning! Now I do wonder why he captured her only to free her immediately. I mean the prologue did mention that the sea cannot be tamed sooo maybe his first attempt at rebellion? :3

velvetcatsz replied · Aug 13

Hello, Tikaya! Thank you so much for leaving such thoughtful advice, and taking the time to read this, it means the world to me!

Alrighty! So, your very first sentence has a bit too many adjectives and adverbs so I suggest cutting some and maybe add an explanatory sentence why the boy’s suddenly so afraid for his mom. You say that she said she was just going for a walk---so what prompted this sudden fear? Maybe a hint of that would work well for this first paragraph?

Oh, do you mean “footprints” here?

Thank you for the adverb and adjective notice, I'll get to it! Yes, and that makes so much sense, I'll add a sentence or two. FOOTPRINTS. YES. I forgot what they were called for a second xD
Maybe you could skip the first “warm” and/or replace it with another adjective? 😊 To avoid the repetition~

Ah since you had the boy speak in this paragraph, THIS should go into the next paragraph:

Oh my gosh, I didn't realize I repeated it twice! Thank you for informing me. And that makes sense <33
This took me out of the story because so far we’ve been following the boy’s POV and now you are veering suddenly into the lady’s ^^°

I do wish we would have seen some more of why the lady thinks this child is so special that he can become an assassin. Maybe he was especially quiet when he walked? Idk what she saw in him qq It feels so random?

Ah, I wanted to show her POV of wanting to train him, but I get that it's confusing. I wonder if there's another way possibly of showing it without changing POVs, but I'm not sure. And I think I should've made a reason for her to take him in xD I'll fix that.
Hm maybe a hint of how long ago this relationship happened would work to see how long Raven’s been ignoring Draco?

That makes so much sense, I'll try to include it!
Here, a tip: Raven has known this critters all her life, right? Why not reflect that in her descriptions. “A little lygon scuttles past me, its fairy wings glittering in the sun throwing colourful spots onto its scales. The lizard rests for a moment until…” idk it spots her, midnight eyes going wide and then it scurries away idk. You could put the description of the eyes somewhere in this sentence f.e.

OH, that is something I'm missing, I tried intentionally including worldbuilding, that's why it might sound clunky, but thank you SO much for the tip!
Something immersive that grounds the creature in Raven’s knowledge and her surroundings? :3
(incidentally if Lygon’s are normal animals there, why capitalized them? XD)

There he is *smiles*

YOU'VE GOT A POINT! I'll fix my grammar xD

Uh why?
My cheeks burn with embarrassment.
I figure she might have different priorities?

You are completely right. I wrote this a while back, and changed a lot of stuff because it sounded weird (LIKE REALLY CRINGE) and forgot to change that part! Does "my cheeks burn with annoyance or rage" work? Or should I change that sentence?
Oh that is an interesting beginning! Now I do wonder why he captured her only to free her immediately. I mean the prologue did mention that the sea cannot be tamed sooo maybe his first attempt at rebellion? :3

Yes, good guess! Something like that xD
Thank you so much for the tips, I'll take it to good use!

Tikaya replied · Aug 13

Does "my cheeks burn with annoyance or rage" work?
Ohh that sounds neat!

I love reading so dw I will keep up with the story and good luck with the edit! (but dont forget to push forward too XD)

Edit:
Also if you want to show Thorn's POV, why not separate her paragraph from Dylans with a small break and then... maybe put it in italics or smthing?

Edit edit: maybe would work if you have a good line to end Dylan's POV on, then head into her POV in normal font and THEN have the sea line in ITALICS to show that this is omnicient now?

User avatar
bambieyes
Review
bambieyes wrote a review Review · Aug 12

Hey VCat! Here to review once again! Romantasy is one of my favorite genres so I'm looking forward to reading!

"Mom!"

A young boy's voice shouted shakily, his dark hair drenched and heavy, plastered to his tan skin. He blinked, the rain dripping off his sleeves. "Mom!" He screamed again. Fear shot through his small body. He didn't know where she headed. She said she would come back.

Thunder boomed. Lightning crackled, hitting a tree. It hit the ground with a thud. Rain crashed down. The boy takes a few steps back, stumbling. Small footsteps were left in the slimy mud as he adjusted his footing and trudged through the storm. He saw a warm light up ahead. It looked warm and inviting, contrasting hard with the dark base it lighted up. He began stumbling towards it, hoping for warmth, or possibly some shelter for the stormy night.


I am a little confused about this part of the prologue here. Was there a shipwreck or something? Why is he out in the storm looking for his mom? Is he homeless?

As she walked away, a vision flashed in her mind. She will train him as her own. Why not? She will make him the second most feared in the Tribe, the first loyal assassin in Istaeile. Obedient, crafty, quiet. No one would dare question him, except her. She will name him after the sea, calm, but powerful and unpredictable, just like the ocean's waves. Only then will even the others will respect her Tribe. Her mouth curves into a soft, cunning smile.

She believed she was forging a powerful, ambitious weapon. But she didn't know it then. Not all oceans can be tamed. Some only leave you crawling for mercy.


"She believed she was forging a powerful, ambitious weapon. But she didn't know it then." - This makes it sound like she didn't know she was forging a weapon, which contradicts the first sentence. You need to restructure it to "She didn't know it then but, not all oceans can be tamed."

Also, why is she just deciding she can kidnap this boy? He is clearly old enough to tell people he has been abducted and it doesn't sound like she's going to be hiding him away. He says his mom said she would be back, so he clearly hasn't given up on her. I feel like these parts of the prologue could be clarified a bit. Is she psychic or something? If this is a common occurrence (kids being abandon) you may have her mention something like that in her inner thoughts. You could lean into her pity of him more to explain it better. Like she thinks something like "She could see in his eyes he was still waiting. Waiting for someone that would never arrive." Then we know that SHE knows he is an orphan. No need to explain how she knows that necessarily. UNLESS she actually IS kidnapping him and then you could have her thoughts hint at that. I do like the creepy factor of it though!


So I've always accepted it without a thought.


And I never questioned anything or any of Axel's choices.


okay so these two spots. to me it's hard to believe she would NEVER question things. using words like "always" are very concrete and leave little to the imagination. Is she a robot? Super naive? Her character so far hasn't established that she is the type of person to blindly follow others, I would say it actually shows she has quite a bit of initiative to solve problems as she tried to do searching for her mother. Something to think about anyways with respect to character consistency. She was a child in the prologue so she certainly could have changed since that time too.

I always shift uncomfortably under his amber gaze. When I was in the relationship, he kept pushing my borders, pressuring my decisions.

I took that as a lesson, and my best friend Solar helped me break up with him, taking my back as I confronted his actions.


I feel like you could lean into this more. SHOW us more instead of telling us. How did her borders get pushed or pressured? Instead of saying "I always shift uncomfortably under his amber gaze" You could show us. "I looked up just in time to meet Draco's unblinking stare. Again. My stomach sank and the tiny hairs on the back of my neck stood on end." - With something like this you would SHOW us her discomfort instead of just telling us she's uncomfortable. It helps the reader get into the main character's head a bit more.

"Raven?"

I turn around to see Axel approaching me.

"Yes Axel? What do you need?"


Think about everyday people when you create dialogue. If someone calls your name do you normally respond with their name, or just say "Yea?" or "Whats up?" etc. Now if you are trying to convey a level of respect here I would use something like "Sir?" or "Yes sir?". We know it's Axel he is speaking to because of the indication above the comment.

"Would you mind gathering some fruits or food for the Tribe? Our stock is running pretty low, and I would like it restocked and full," Axel explains. "Of course!" I say right away. I don't mind getting away from the bustling crowd of people for a bit. The quiet is sometimes...comforting, the wind blowing my dark blue hair up.


Here I would recommend saying "fruit and food" even better if you can specify the type of food. Or just say "food" by itself. If you specify one the other should be also because fruit is a type of food, so having both feels redundant.
Also, it's implied Axel wants it restocked by asking her to get more. You can trust the reader to understand a bit more and drop "and I would like it restocked and full".

a berry bush.


Here did she come upon one berry bush? It may flow better and seem more believable if you say "a berry patch" or the berry patch".

on the boulder,


It may flow better here if you say "a boulder" or indicate the boulder is special in some way like "my favorite boulder"

It's not the only animal type here. In Istaeile, the animals have all adapted to the land. Lucky for me, this is one of the harmless types. My jaw tightens, picturing the Dewyrn and Mokie. The Deweryn is a panther with antlers like a deer, one of the most feared. The spikes protrude out of its fur, and line its spine, making any living thing easy prey. The Mokie is a mountain lion, and its tail is like a whip with sharp, jagged sides. It can break any spine.


This is really cool information but it is a bit much to drop all at once and could probably be spread out throughout the story in other chapters too. Like maybe he encounters a Mokie at some point and has to figure out how to escape it or doesn't want to have to kill it so he shows his ability to stealthily retreat and hide from it.

I start humming a tune to clear my head from my busy thoughts. Despite the dangers, the humans usually live in harmony with the nature, finding peace in the running streams and rocky cliffs.

Axel also talked often about a pendant.


This transition seems abrupt. When you say Axel "also" did something it indicates he was doing something similar before but that isn't the case here so it doesn't really fit with what was being explained in the previous paragraphs.

"Great nickname," he drawls sarcastically. "I give up," I sigh.


To reduce confusion about whose speaking you may want to consider separating the dialogue into their own paragraphs/lines.

I think this is a good start for a first chapter. You have a lot more expanding to do and the prologue being of a different character confused me in the beginning. I didn't realize it wasn't talking about the MC until more towards the end. I think this could be great story with some tweaks so good job getting it going!

velvetcatsz replied · Aug 12

Hello! Thank you so much for checking this out!
The prologue is meant to raise questions, revealing it later in the story.
Right, I will fix that part. Thanks for reminding me.
It's not really kidnapping--it's more like he got lost, and thought he got abandoned by his real mother. So when the lady decides to take him in, she finds ways to make him stay (psychological manipulator) and makes him believe that his real mom really left him to die.
Ah, I think there was a misunderstanding xD. The prologue was showing a perspective of the boy and the woman, not the girl in the leading POV as of now. But I will change the word 'always', as it does give off that robotic vibe.
Thank you for the advice of fruit and food--you've got a point there. The berry patch sounds more right, thanks! And the boulder is just a comfortable spot she likes to sit--nothing special.
It's a girl's POV xD I'm sorry for the confusion. But yes, I think at that point I was just stacking worldbuilding. I'll consider spreading it to the other chapters.
THANK YOU. I copied and pasted it from another area to spread out information, and didn't realize that issue.
I must've missed that part! Thanks for the clarification.
It wasn't talking about the main character, more or less the assassin from the other Tribe. I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. These points were so useful!

User avatar
ehawthorne
Review
ehawthorne wrote a review Review · Aug 11

I LOVE romantasy — it’s my favorite genre — so I’m very interested in seeing where you take this! <3

The prologue already gives the story a dark and mysterious tone, and I liked the last lines very much:

Not all oceans can be tamed. Some only leave you crawling for mercy.


This was an excellent ending to the prologue and got me interested in finding out exactly what will happen to the boy she took in.

What else I liked is worldbuilding through the Tribes and animals of Istaeile. Llygon was cute, and the Dewyrn and Mokie made me think that the world is dangerous rather than just beautiful.

Another interesting thing about the main character Raven is the way she strictly obeys the rules that were imposed upon her. With her relationship with Axel, I wonder how much of the values she shares are hers and not what Axel taught her.

Finally, we meet Cobra's assassin...

I think that the encounter between Raven and the assassin is the best hook in this chapter. The fact that he captures her, has absolutely everything to hurt her and just lets her go immediately raises a number of questions. With the pendant around his neck, Raven now has a reason to look for him again.

I also liked the "Blackbird" nickname. It fits Raven perfectly and adds an interesting detail to their interaction without making the romance immediately develop.

One thing I would pay attention to is the pacing of Chapter One. There is too much information about Axel, the pendant, Cobra Tribe, the previous battle, Draco, and Solar before Raven finally leaves the Tribe. Not everything from this information is uninteresting, but spreading it throughout the chapter might help to ease the flow of exposition.

I'd also try to keep the tenses consistent. There are a couple of spots when the narrative switches between past and present tenses, such as "The boy takes a few steps back" in the prologue.

On the whole, however, I believe that you've created an intriguing setup for your romantasy. We have rival Tribes, a mysterious magic pendant, an unusual assassin, and a girl raised to distrust everyone who starts wondering why she can't stop thinking about a certain someone.

This question – why did he spare her? – is exactly the hook I'd want to continue reading in Chapter Two.

Lastly, question for you: Now, I am really interested in finding out how Raven and the Cobra assassin are connected. 🕵️‍♂️ Do you already know the reason why he spares her, or are you planning to tell it to us later as the story progresses?

velvetcatsz replied · Aug 11

Thank you so much for reviewing! It genuinely brought a smile to my face seeing this right after I published it.
The pacing is a bit quick, I'll try to change it! I'll try not to dump information on the reader all at once, and that's smart.
I swear I've read over it a thousand times, but I'll check again for the consistency of the tenses xD Thank you!
I have the entire manuscript, but it's still in editing, I'll post more as I go!
Again, thank you SO much for reading! I'm glad you're intrigued <3
~catsz



Fairy Tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.
— G.K. Chesterton