Does a baby ever give up after it falls down?
A baseball player, after a strike?
Even a musician, after a bad note?
Or do they simply try again?
Not necessarily harder.
But just as long as they don't stop.
A cat would chase a mouse for hours.
Does that make it simple minded?
Or is it just dedicated?
You've never gone to bed with the genuine thought of not getting back up.
Your subconscious would know better, no matter what you think you believe.
Your always looking forward,
to the next moment,
to the next day,
to when things will be better.
As if the grape wasn't satisfied, it threw itself into the sunlight and became a raisin.
From smooth to wrinkled.
Just like us.
Or most of us.
But when we're victims of our own circumstances, we want to make those circumstances grapes again.
Like a battle for either freedom or equality.
You can have one, but never both.
As much as we'd like to think we can, it's not possible.
But we never give up.
Never.
That's why in the end, the musician will play a song.
The baseball player will hit his homerun.
And the baby will take off running.
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141,312 Literary Works • 674,342 Reviews
This piece of yours is inspiring, reminding us not to give up easily. I suddenly recalled what my teacher had shared to us in class -- "Everything is hard while we are starting but we will always find a way to overcome the obstacles in our path." I want to add up having faith to our Almighty Father,..
Furthermore, i like your piece,..
=)
Thanks! I'm glad I was able to inspire you
=)
Hey. I'm Rosie, and I'm here to share my thoughts on this piece.
Before I go any further, I should probably point out that I'm not in the best of moods at the moment. In fact, I logged on to YWS to calm myself down and decided to review a few works. Therefore, I'm going to refrain from discussing the optimistic concept of your work because I'm feeling pessimistic and focus on other elements of this piece instead. Okay? Cool.
"Does a baby ever give up after it falls down?
A baseball player, after a strike?
Even a musician, after a bad note?"
In the first line, I'm not sure if the word "ever" is necessary to the meaning of your piece. If I were you, I'd remove it. The first line would, in my opinion, feel cleaner as a result. And in the third line, I'm not sure about the use of the word "even." "Or" would be more appropriate. Currently, it feels like you're deriding the musician, putting him on a lower level than the baby and the baseball player. Just something I noticed.
"Your always looking forward,
to the next moment,
to the next day,
to when things will be better."
In the first line, you should've used the contraction "you're" instead of "your." Judging by the way you wrote the rest of this piece, I'm sure that this is just a typo, but I still decided to point it out. It's just a nitpick.
"As if the grape wasn't satisfied, it threw itself into the sunlight and became a raisin.
From smooth to wrinkled.
Just like us.
Or most of us."
I'm not sure about this part. It simply doesn't make sense to me. Grapes don't throw themselves into the sun. They're grapes. I'm not sure how comparing humans to grapes in order to demonstrate the concept of not giving up works.
Overall, this is a good piece and I was able to understand the meaning behind it. Good job.
Always keep writing.
-Rosie
Thanks for the review.
I appreciate your feedback.
I'll be sure to take into consideration everything you mention in the future.
About the grape thing, I didn't literally mean it throws itself. I just meant when it's put into the sun for long enough, it becomes a raisin.
As for the meaning part, there really isn't any. As the title suggests, this was just a bunch of random thoughts I had in my head. While you could say there's a message to piece, I really didn't have any in mind while was writing.
But thanks again.
My sleepy mind was just reawkonen by this. It's lovely.
Thanks!