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Vanessa-The misadventures of a man named Lucifer

by vampricone6783


*Yes,more origin stories for another series of mine.Gacha Club character designs are in my wall.Enjoy!

Once upon a time,there was a young,ten year old girl named Vanessa,who lived happily with her mother.They were both witches,in fact,they even had their own coven.It should have been like any wholesome Mother and daughter relationships.

Except,it wasn't.Not for long.

The mother fell in love with...a vampire.A vampire who was cursed to be one by witches,therefore,he hated them.

But he appeared not to hate witches enough,because he had fallen in love with one.

Still,when she had married him,he asked that she and her daughter rid themselves of their witch powers.

Now,one can't simply "rid themselves of their witch powers" because one is born with it,it can't just "disappear."

The mother eventually got bitten by her husband and became a vampire,like him.She no longer had witch powers.

But Vanessa still did.She wasn't willing to give them up,either.Not even if a stinky man she was supposed to call "her father" told her to.

She got a younger sibling from her two parents.A little boy named Lucifer.The only reason she liked her father's existence was because he gave Lucifer one.Other than that,Vanessa hated the man.

Her Mom wasn't the same,no matter how hard she tried,they could never had the bond that they used to have.

Her younger brother simply adored her.As for her father...Ugh,he hated her.That was fine.She hated him,too.

One day,her parents walked up to her and said:

"Jump out the window.We don't want you anymore."

Vanessa was shocked.Why would they tell her to do something like that?!

They really didn't want her anymore.She looked at Lucifer,playing with his toys.Could she really?

"Now." They said firmly.

She walked up to her windowsill...

...and jumped.

But then,at the last second,she used her powers to stop her fall.Then,she concentrated REALLY hard on making her family forget that she ever existed.

"It's better this way." She said to herself.

For the thirteen year old now lived by her own rules.

Characters in Gacha Club:

Vanessa (as an adult):


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Tue Dec 20, 2022 10:55 am
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well we've got ourselves yet another intriguing origin story that once again manages to surprise me with just how unique it manages to me. Its an ending that once again caught me by surprise and I loved it.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Once upon a time,there was a young,ten year old girl named Vanessa,who lived happily with her mother.They were both witches,in fact,they even had their own coven.It should have been like any wholesome Mother and daughter relationships.

Except,it wasn't.Not for long.

The mother fell in love with...a vampire.A vampire who was cursed to be one by witches,therefore,he hated them.


Well that was quite the start there already. I do believe we have run into witches before in these tales so that's not quite the biggest of surprises but the tale of a vampire who hates watches but fell in love with one definitely makes things very intriguing all over again.

But he appeared not to hate witches enough,because he had fallen in love with one.

Still,when she had married him,he asked that she and her daughter rid themselves of their witch powers.

Now,one can't simply "rid themselves of their witch powers" because one is born with it,it can't just "disappear."

The mother eventually got bitten by her husband and became a vampire,like him.She no longer had witch powers.


Ooooh well that's an interesting one. It seems like the request makes sense there, and even if it certainly isn't the greatest of requests the fact that said request was made suggests that this man did in fact love these two enough to at least consider being with them as a proper father and husband. As tragic as it might be that the wife had to give up her powers to become a vampire at least it seems like it could be better.

But Vanessa still did.She wasn't willing to give them up,either.Not even if a stinky man she was supposed to call "her father" told her to.

She got a younger sibling from her two parents.A little boy named Lucifer.The only reason she liked her father's existence was because he gave Lucifer one.Other than that,Vanessa hated the man.

Her Mom wasn't the same,no matter how hard she tried,they could never had the bond that they used to have.


Oooh well that's an interesting perspective to see. From the earlier introduction it looked like the family was struggling a little bit it would survive, but this suggests there was much more animosity with Vanessa not being able to connect with her mother properly anymore and definitely not being close to her stepfather. At least it seems the baby did manage to provide some sort of uniting moint.

One day,her parents walked up to her and said:

"Jump out the window.We don't want you anymore."

Vanessa was shocked.Why would they tell her to do something like that?!

They really didn't want her anymore.She looked at Lucifer,playing with his toys.Could she really?

"Now." They said firmly.

She walked up to her windowsill...

...and jumped.

But then,at the last second,she used her powers to stop her fall.Then,she concentrated REALLY hard on making her family forget that she ever existed.

"It's better this way." She said to herself.

For the thirteen year old now lived by her own rules.


Ooooh another move I did not anticipate in the slightest there. For starters it looks like the parents really took some rather dangerous turns, I'm assuming mostly because of the father given we know the mother was once upon a time very attached to her daughter, and so they decided to kick poor Vanessa out but she seems to have used the powers she had remaining to fake her death and live her own life. Its a sad place to end but at least it seems Vanessa is still alive and maybe she can at least reunite with her brother someday even if her mother seems lost to her now.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, this was another lovely story to read. I think you did a pretty wonderful job there in terms of developing Vanessa there and showing how she lost her mother even though she was still alive and what drove her to preserve her powers and then use those to forge a new life for herself despite everything. Its a powerful little tale and the ending is just as hopeful as it is tragic.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Thu Feb 03, 2022 12:06 pm
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey!! Forever here with a review!!

I really enjoyed reading this story. This was a pretty intriguing one and gives rise to a lot of anticipation in the minds of readers. Let's get into it.

Who was this vampire in the first place? I mean who was he before he became a vampire? A wizard or a normal human being with no witch powers? If it's the latter, it fits perfectly but if it's the former, I wonder why he didn't use his powers to stop the other witch and wizards. Also I am a bit curious about the reason behind why did the witch and wizards turned him into a vampire? Not for fun, at least? To take revenge or satisfy their grudge? I would like this point to be clarified. Also another question. I am not at all sure about this but is the vampire her stepfather? If yes, what happened to her real father?

Hm... We can see the love of Venessa's mother towards the vampire. She loved him so much that she even gave up her witch powers in his request or order. Okay about this vampire, I don't think he is a good man. First of all, he told his daughter and wife to scarifice their powers which could actually be useful. Secondly, he was probably the one who made it clear to his wife that they didn't need Venessa anymore. These things definitely seem to be very cruel. We can't really blame him about each and everything because he was the very person who was first tortured. Everything is to be considered, after all.

Yes, another thing. The change in age of the girl, i.e., Venessa. In the beginning, she was described as a 10 year old girl and in the end, she was again described as a 10 year old girl but I think that it least there were maybe 2-3 years in between the beginning and the end. It seems so to me.

I feel very sad for Venessa. The change in her mother was undoubtedly a very painful event to her. She loved her mother and if I am not very wrong, her mother didn't pay her a lot of attention after she feel in love with the vampire. Also, in the end she had to leave Lucifer. Painful events. I wonder about Lucifer though. Did they order Lucifer to leave them too? Probably not. Hm... We will get a story of Lucifer, I guess.

I was just a bit curious about this, the society of witches and wizards. Do the witches and wizards live together? If so, they didn't object when the vampire and Venessa's mother fell in love? Not very important but just a little info.

Overall, this was a great origin story. Seems like this is the first time that I have started reading your origin stories from the beginning :)

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




vampricone6783 says...


Some of your questions will be answered in other stories.

But,I%u2019ll answer two of them:

Years did not pass,only months.Vanessa has not grown up yet.That%u2019s why she stays ten.

Witches and vampires are allowed to date each other,there is no rule saying they can%u2019t be together.Not in this universe,at least.

Thanks for reading!



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Wed Feb 02, 2022 6:01 pm
Rosewood wrote a review...



Hey, Rosewood here!

I really enjoy reading and reviewing background stories for people's characters, so I guess... here I am! This actually reminds me of the kind of stories I used to write all them time, so it was also rather pleasant I got to re-experience that kind of tale again today. But enough of my own chatter, I'll move on to the real review!

Once upon a time,there was a young,ten year old girl named Vanessa,who lived happily with her mother.They were both witches,in fact,they even had their own coven.It should have been like any wholesome Mother and daughter relationships.

Except,it wasn't.Not for long.


It's interesting reading it from another fairytale origin style sort of way- more so because of the presence of witches and vampires are involved. But, and I'll go on to elaborate on this later as well, I think that this set-up and constant tone really help shape Vanessa's point of view- especially because she's only ten years old. it gives us an insight on her point of view while keeping the language of the tone childish to suit her background.

The mother got bitten by her husband and became a vampire,like him.


I would add 'eventually' after "mother". It helps keep the pace and timeline a little clearer!

"Jump out the window.We don't want you anymore."


This is a little sudden- and while it may have sounded just so to a ten year old- to a reader it's a bit unclear. Since you do tend to use a third-person narrator, you could use this as a perfect opportunity to give us more depth or information on the subject. Why did they say this? Had Vanessa done something wrong and the parents snapped? Did they not mean it? Had her step-father coerced the mother to say it? More context would be amazing!

But Vanessa still did.She wasn't willing to give them up,either.Not even if a stinky man she was supposed to call "her father" told her to.


and

She walked up to her windowsill...

...and jumped.


Like I mentioned before, the usage of more childlike words, (in this case 'stinky), and the building of suspense through "..." actually contributes to the development of this character's tone and perception. Now, not knowing much of your other work, (so just as a warning), I wouldn't use this kind of tone with more mature or older characters, as it can downgrade your character's believability and roles. Just a caution!

"It's better this way." She said to herself.


Nothing wrong, just why does she think this way? Elaborate on it!

For the ten year old now lived by her own rules.


Cute ending! I would also love to hear about Lucifer too though- did he make it out?

I would also like to illustrate again that the language is written almost like a script. This isn't a bad thing of course! Just the usage of "..." and repetition is prominent in most children's plays. That could be a route for you, assuming the story is much like this short passage. Or even, you could adapt and vary the tone per character to give in more life, (in a play setting), but as always, I'm getting carried away!

In conclusion, this was a short, sweet piece that was a breath of fresh air to read. Good luck with the rest!

And as always...

Keep writing!




vampricone6783 says...


Thanks for your advice! All of your questions will be answered after I post more origin stories.It%u2019s part of a series.



vampricone6783 says...


Vanessa thinks like that because her mother taught her to be %u201Cstrong%u201D at all times,so her way of thinking is%u2026different from other kids.




The important thing is never to stop questioning.
— Albert Einstein