Young Writers Society

this was cute. it was relatable to me, although i am not a sea monster or a girlfriend who was eaten by one. im on a long trip away from my boyfriend, so i relate to the missing someone you can't touch at all but can talk to. i really liked the imagery this put into my head, i love the mix of supernatural and romance.

this part felt a little too on the nose, and kind of took me out of the story:
“You already did that, remember? It was on purpose too. I’m a ghost. You can’t hurt me.”

however, you did say this is part of a bigger story you're writing, so i'm assuming you put that line in there just to explain what happened? i don't know. but i would love to read the part where he eats her!! along with this, i wish this story had more imagery of whats going on, what does he look like as a monster? i want nasty details you know? as well as the romance part of it, more details on how she makes him feel with imagery and less dialogue. i liked this story!

Hey there! This is Ina aka loveissourgrapes and I am here to review/comment on your cute story. The ending id so cute, I am kicking my feet under my desk that I bruised my knee. Ouch! But it's worth kicking hehe.

The cursed sea monster, Caden seems very down bad for his human girlfriend, I believe she died and became a ghost. Caden hated the fact he was so tall, he couldn't kiss or touch his ghost girlfriend. He thought if he tried kissing her, he would eat her. Which I think this part is so cute too. But the lines, "You're not solid. You're just air and energy." The words in italics just feel great for the writing style. But a suggestion is you could put the thoughts of your characters in italics too so your reader may not be confused.

The action of the blow kisses are also so cute. But you could explain the action more so it feels sweeter and deeper, and for more context. Caden also got to catch her nonexisting kiss yet he knows their love is real. I love the last dialogue because it reminds me of those light-watching romantic anime movies. And it is also so cute that I hit my knee on my desk and got bruised. Like how I watch those anime movies. Good job! This is one of the recently times I have read a good romantic short story.

Over all, there are minor errors but the plot is perfect. Keep it up! Have a great day/night!

Hi, quick review for this story!
Ohhh I love this story so much! It has so much meaning to it, about how even through change, love will still be there. Anyway, let's get to the review.

He was lamenting to his human girlfriend, Alanna. It was a calm conversation until he had the frightful realization that he could not kiss or hold her ever again.
He was just this thing taking up space.

“You already did that, remember? It was on purpose too. I’m a ghost. You can’t hurt me.”
Caden smiled. She was right. He couldn’t hurt her now that she was dead.

“Tell you what. You can blow me a kiss and I’ll catch it with my hand.”
“It won’t be the same.”
“Maybe not, but things rarely stay the same.”

Caden knew that there was no actual kiss to catch, but he still made sure sure to catch it.
“Never forget how much I love you.”
“Really? Even when I’m like this?”
“You’re beautiful.”
“You mean it?”
“I swear it.”
“I love you too.”
Maybe change wasn’t a bad thing.