Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This was quite the little tale here. I think a very interesting relationship between the two of them and that clear even amongst the horrors present was quite a nice tale.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Miles Degrassi joined hands with his twin sister, Elaine Degrassi, as he hung from the wooden bar.

They were trapeze performers at fifteen, in the local circus. The crowd roared and screamed with inhuman excitement at everything they did. It was insane, how hungry they were for a show.

Miles could deal with it, though. It happened ever since they were little. Ever since their parents wanted them to be something. Everyone watched and judged, but that was life. He didn’t think about it too much, because he knew that there was a better life waiting for him. Opportunities were raised as one got older.

But Elaine…Elaine’s heart was far too big, far too full. If the acrobatics coach screeched at her for not landing perfectly, for not having any balance, her brown eyes would fill to the brim with tears and she would shake with sadness and shame.

It wasn’t just the coach, either. It was their parents. One flaw and they both deemed “unfocused brats”.

Miles knew that neither knew what they were talking about, that they were just pitiful adults, but Elaine cared. She wanted to make them proud. She wanted to get it all right.

He tried telling her not to worry about them, that their opinions were worthless. She nodded and smiled softly, but still cried at their words.

He spoke up for her, yelled at them for her. Why did they have to be such monsters? Why did they have to drive someone to sobs? Didn’t they know the kind of person she was? Didn’t they pay attention? If they had to say such awful things, why didn’t they say it to him? Why did Elaine have to hear their sharp-tongued, heartless insults?

No matter. He would help her grow. He would help her see the truth. He would help her see that life was so much more than pain and fear.

“Miles!” Elaine cried out, slipping from his grasp. Her eyes were wide with pure terror. She sounded faraway, like she was trapped in her mind.

Miles jumped from the wooden, ignoring the boos of the starving, greedy crowd. Elaine was falling to the cement floor, arms and legs flailing helplessly.

All I need to do is hold her. I’ll break her fall. I’ll protect her. Miles thought.

“Don’t panic! I’m coming!” Miles said.

But the ground wasn’t a ground. It was a dark, black mass of shadows, with a pale woman’s face lingering in the middle, mouth open in anticipation.

There was nowhere to run, nothing to do. The crowd did nothing. It was as though they saw nothing, knew nothing of what waited below. But how? How were they not aware? They were a group of people, with such knowledge in them. Weren’t they supposed to help?

He tried to grab Elaine, but she fell right into the mass, into the waiting, toothed mouth, her high screams still piercing the air.

Miles was going to join her into the demonic, nightmare mouth.

Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

It is time for the gruesome S’more…

Top Graham Cracker - A good old origin story, a concept a that's stood the test of time as a classic story component. In this one, two siblings named Miles and Elaine are circus performers with overbearing parents and expectations, with Miles being able to handle and disregard such shallow expectations better than his sister.

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I would say that the moment Elaine slipped from Mile's grasp happened a little too quickly. This is actually a criticism I'm torn on. On one hand, the suddenness of it helps create a feeling of shock and develops the situation into a more fast paced, desperate moment. On the other hand, I wonder if this desperate moment could still be achieved while allowing for this change of pace to be more naturally introduced. Maybe a line or two about them beginning their acrobatic performance. A few moments where there's attention brought to how death-defying their stunts are becoming leading up to this moment. And then, boom, the moment of disaster and then realization. Don't get me wrong though, I think it works well as is! Definitely only something to consider.

Chocolate Bar - I really liked how you went into the differences in Miles and Elaine's reaction to their situation. How Miles takes on a mature, supportive role for his sister who clearly feels the effects of the stress and people's unfair criticism. It helps me care for them both, view them both as real people with a real, human dynamic. Really good stuff!

Closing Graham Cracker - So, Elaine is falling to her death. Or, she was before a dark mass of shadows and a woman's face appeared?! And Elaine apparently fell into it, as did Miles in his bid to rescue his sister. What a weird, fascinating note to end on. Once more, I'll have to read the former/later entries of this series to get the full picture, but I had a lot of fun reading this!

I wish you a lovely day/night, and a lovely Thanksgiving if you celebrate!