*This is the story of May,Heather’s older sister.You can find her in my stories:”The clown and the little girl:PART TWO” and “Heather and Loraine have splendid fun!” I have a Gacha Club character design of her on my wall.Enjoy!
Introduction
2016-May Cuttingham’s bedroom-Cuttingham house.
Why did May’s little sister bother her?
Couldn’t Heather do something else?
Eh,it was what it was.
Chapter One
“May! Did you know that the girl next door is living in the haunted house?”
“The one with the clown ghost?”
“Yep! That’s where she’s living! There are other ghosts too.She said they were all nice.”
“That’s great.Now leave me alone.”
“But-“
“Heather.”
“But I want to tell you all about the ghosts and the girl and-“
“I don’t really care.”
Chapter Two
“May! Come over! The ghosts,they want to meet you! I told them about you.”
“No.”
“They’re ghosts! They’re super cool!”
“Just leave me alone.”
Chapter Three
“Come on,please? They’re begging to meet you.”
“I said no yesterday and I’ll say no again.”
“The clown especially!”
“I will never care.Okay?”
Chapter Four
Heather was knocking on her door.Again.
“Please,they want to see you.”
May sighed.Why did she keep bothering her? Day in and day out,it was the same thing.
“Go away,Heather.”
“Please?”
“Just stop! I’m tired of this!”
“Please,May.”
“Stop or I’ll tell Mom.”
“Fine.Okay.”
Maybe now she could finally get some peace.
Chapter Five
The next day,as May ate breakfast,Heather said nothing.She was silent.
Could it have to do with yesterday? Unlikely.Her sister never knew when to shut up.
“Heather?”
Nothing.It was as if she didn’t care anymore.
Chapter Six
When May went upstairs to her room,she could have sworn there was a clown outside.
He didn’t seem threatening.Just a silent observer.As if he wanted to watch the world and disappear at the same time.
Then he was gone.
Chapter Seven
Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if she visited the ghosts like Heather said.
They seemed quite interesting.
Chapter Eight
And now it was Halloween night.
Which meant only one thing.
She had to babysit Heather.
Oh,how fun it would be!
Not!
Chapter Nine
“I’m going to be a mermaid!”
“That’s nice,Heather.”
“What are you going to be?”
“Nothing.I don’t care.”
“Oh.Okay,boring person.”
“I’m not boring!”
“You are.”
Chapter Ten
“You won’t regret it! The ghosts will be so happy to see you!”
“Yeah,sure.Whatever.”
Chapter Eleven
Heather and May arrived at Loraine’s house (that was her name) to see the supposed ghosts.
She didn’t see any so far.
Maybe it was just their imaginations.They were little girls,after all.What would they know about ghosts?
Maybe it got to her and she imagined the clown ghost.
Chapter Twelve
Still nothing.
She heard Loraine and Heather laughing.
Now she heard another girl.
Wait,who was the other one?
There was a man and a woman laughing-but wait,weren’t Loraine’s parents away?
“EhEHeHEhEHeHe!”
That was the telltale sound of a clown’s laughter.
May shivered.
“Who is doing this?!”
“May! You fell for it! We were just joking around.”
“Heather!”
“That’s what you get for doubting them.”
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,776 Reviews
Hi, hello there! This is Ina speaking. I am here to give a quick comment/review.
I really like it when you separate you story's parts into chapters. I love the 'light-reading-ness" of it. It might be dark in like the next few stories that might be related to this plot. I love the dialogue between the two sisters but maybe you should write who's speaking and who's who. And more description for May and Heather, I don't know if that's really your style of writing but I think it'll be clearer with more description. Over all, the plot is interesting but maybe you should fix the spaces of the lines. You might want to also bold out the chapters too.
I hope this helps! Have a good morning, day, afternoon, or night.
Hello!
RandomTalks here with a short review!
I really liked this story! It was light and fun and it kept me interested throughout. I was not particularly 'invested' in the plot of the story (if you know what I mean), but I had this gentle kind of curiosity to just see what happened next with the sisters.
Despite the fact that the entire story was in the form of conversations and that there was hardly any narration, its amazing how you have still managed to establish the characters of the two sisters and their unique, distinct voices. Their interactions were often short and one-sided, but they were believable and a very typical representation of a sibling relationship. I especially liked that part where May grew a little concerned at Heather's silence after she had told her to stop pestering her. Scenes like these hint at the relationship between the characters and I wish you had included more such subtle scenes.
I did feel as if the story got over too quickly, but since the premise is simple and light, the fast pace does not work as a disadvantage. Still, I think if you had expanded on some of the characters or focused a little more on worldbuilding, I would have enjoyed the story even more. For example, that scene where May encounters the clown while going to her room - the sudden appearance of the clown is a bit jarring, but I feel as though the transition in that scene could have been smoother if you had focused a bit more on the narration and the worldbuilding.
Lastly, this is more of a personal opinion, but I would suggest you to write the Chapter headings in bold or perhaps even underline them. Since the story is extremely concise and fast-paced, more often than not the Chapter headings get lost in the narration. Making the demarcation clearer will help your readers to make the distinction between the chapters. Otherwise, they might just get overlooked..
That's all!
Keep writing and have a great day!
Hey Vampricone6783, Broady here with a review!
)
Firstly, it's a pretty interesting story, and you have a really cool world right there! I'm interested to read more about it in future posts and on the other posts that you have posted thus far!
Also, it's quite a unique experience for me to read a story that is almost mainly using conversations. I don't have anything bad to say about it, just that at times I don't really know who is doing the conversation. But, it is really cool though, and to be fair, the story progresses through conversations and it is unique since most stories add in plenty of descriptives and elaboration but this gets straight to the point!
Lastly before I go, I feel that maybe you can work on your spacing in some places? That's something I feel strongly about since I'm kinda particular when it comes to the formatting but it's perfectly fine as it is
Also, I'm not sure about why each chapter is only a few lines long but I just wanted to say that usually, in most stories, a chapter is usually a few pages to dozens of pages long. But then again, it's mainly up to your personal preference I suppose, since there isn't an official law or a rule on how you write stories
Once again, it's a really cool story and I hope to see more of it!
The series in order:
1.It%u2019s all a bit tragic isn%u2019t it?
2.Maisie and Mallory%u2019s demise
3.How curious..
4.Michael%u2019s story
5.Lydia%u2019s story
6.Heather and Loraine have splendid fun!
7.May%u2019s story
8.Rosalie%u2019s story
9.Alexander and Mallory stories
10.The clown and the little girl:SHORT STORY
11.The clown and the little girl:Part two
12.The last tale in my story %u201C31 horrific Halloween tales%u201D
13.The last tale in my story %u201C25 cheerful Christmas tales%u201D
Hope that helps!
yep it does. Thank you!