z

Young Writers Society


12+ Violence Mature Content

Lydia’s story

by vampricone6783


*This is the story of Alexander’s friend,Lydia.She is in the story “The clown and the little girl:PART TWO.” She is also in the last Christmas and Halloween tales in my Christmas and Halloween stories.I’ve got Gacha Club character designs on my wall.



Introduction

1974-Seven years old

This all starts with a girl.

A girl named Lydia Morganson.

Chapter One-At school

1974-Oakland elementary

Lydia was walking to her class with her best friend, Michael.

It was going to be just a regular day.

With nothing happening.

Chapter Two-Peeking

1974-Afternoon-Peeking into auditorium

Lydia and Michael had nothing else to do,so they peaked into the auditorium just to see what was going on and then-

Screaming.Screaming which wouldn’t stop.

Chapter Three-Helping him

The screaming was coming from a little boy,covered in white paint.There were people in the auditorium who were just..laughing at him.Doing absolutely nothing to help.

“Lydia! Get help! I’ll go calm him down.”

“Okay.”

She knew just what to do.She had to tell the Nurse.

Why,oh why did nobody help him?

Chapter Four-Getting help

“Mrs.Ella?”

“Yes?”

“There’s a boy crying in the auditorium.He’s covered in paint.I think you need to help him.”

“Covered in paint?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll go see.”

Chapter Five-They took him away

Lydia and Michael watched as Mrs.Ella and the other teachers took the boy away.

Why was everyone laughing at him?

He needed help.

That wasn’t very nice of them.

Chapter Six-A fun game

1980-Oakland sidewalk-Lydia is thirteen and the boy is fourteen.

It’s been years since the incident.Lydia and Michael were good friends with the boy now.The boy’s name was Alexander.Ever since it happened,he got rashes on the spots where it hit him.He said he tried to wash them off.The cost of doing so took out patches of his skin.

But now Lydia and Alexander were outside.He held chalk in his hand.

“Do you want to play hopscotch?”

“That’s for kids.We’re not kids.”

“But it’s fun!”

“Fine,okay.Whatever.”

Chapter Seven-Finished!

“See! That wasn’t so bad!”

“Sure it wasn’t.Why can’t you just grow up?”

“I have all my life to grow up.I don’t want to waste a single moment.”

“Sure,okay.”

Lydia didn’t want to further bother Alexander.

If he chose to be childish, then so be it. That was his choice, after all.

Chapter Eight-Talent show

Michael’s house-Michael’s room

“You think Alexander should go to the talent show?”

“I think? I know! He’s got talent.”

“I feel like he’d do it for Maisie,though..”

“But she’s just..she’s not the right person.She put him through so much..”

“He doesn’t remember that.”

“Oh.Okay..”

Michael didn’t seem convinced. Lydia tried warning him about Maisie, Alexander’s crush AND the girl who bullied him years ago (He told them all about her crimes) , but maybe there really was nothing to worry about.

Chapter Nine-Let’s celebrate anyway

“When he gets on stage,we’re going to celebrate.”

“Why?! You know he’s only doing it for her.”

“So? He’s still doing it.”

“She’s not a good person,Michael..”

“It’s not like he’s going to be with her.”

“Yeah,okay.You’re right.Everything is fine.”

They stood and watched him perform.Even though he didn’t remember what Maisie did to him, that didn’t mean they had to worry,yes?

Chapter Ten-Amazing!

At the talent show

“Wow! That was amazing!”

“Really,it was!”

Their friend was so talented, so full of light.

Which was why Lydia frowned when she saw Maisie clap for him. She never cared for him, so why did she clap now?

Michael that he was amazing and she agreed, but maybe he was too amazing, to the point where he'd let people take advantage of him.

Nevertheless, Lydia clapped and smiled.

What else was she to do? It was his life, after all.

Chapter Eleven-Lonely

Adulthood

It’s been awhile since Lydia and Alexander spoke with each other.

Hopefully he was happy with his life…

Chapter Twelve-Death

Lydia decided she’d hang out with Michael and his sister Elsa at Michael’s house.

Their pasta Dinner was boiling in the kitchen..

Smoke was surrounding her and Elsa..Michael was yelling through the fire..telling them to leave..

They’d be fine.

Right?

Characters in Gacha Club:

Lydia (angel, she died):

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659 Reviews

Points: 82352
Reviews: 659

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Sat Aug 27, 2022 9:07 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hello!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

Its been a while since I have reviewed something of yours, but I by this point, I have become familiar with your narrative style and have even come to appreciate it. This story was simple and realistic and felt like it was a part of something bigger. I enjoyed the vagueness of it all. As Sunflowerdemon said - it created a sense of mystery and interest that effectively engaged our curiosity and made us want to read more.

The quick progression of the story worked perhaps too well, as at times I felt that we were rushing towards the end instead of following through the story. I think if you slow the pace down a little and expand on some of the plot points, your readers will be able to enjoy the process even more.

For example:

“See! That wasn’t so bad!”

“Sure it wasn’t.Why can’t you just grow up?”

“I have all my life to grow up.I don’t want to waste a single moment.”

“Sure,okay.”


This entire conversation was very interesting to me, especially because of the contradiction in beliefs and attitudes of the two friends. This theme of growing up too fast and not wanting to grow up at all has always appealed to me on a personal level and I kind of wanted to see where this was going. In this context, suddenly backtracking on such an interesting route with an indifferent reply in the form of, "Sure, okay," felt as though you steered us away from a really insightful and personal conversation. I would have loved to read more about what they both had to say.

“Why?! You know he’s only doing it for her.”

“So? He’s still doing it.”

“She’s not a good person,Michael..”

“It’s not like he’s going to be with her.”


I did not know the background of this conversation and so I was a little confused and intrigued by this exchange. However, I think it is my lack of knowledge that made me all the more invested in every word exchanged between the two of them. In fact, I thoroughly enjoyed every small snippet of conversation in the story. They had enough content to arouse our curiosity and were short enough to keep us wanting more.

The ending was ambiguous and although the story did not have a clear plot, it left us questioning about what comes next. Also, that character design is really very impressive.

That's all!

Keep writing and have a great day!






Thanks for your review!

I have a list of the stories in order to help:

1.It%u2019s all a bit tragic isn%u2019t it?

2.Maisie and Mallory%u2019s demise

3.Lydia%u2019s story

4.Michael%u2019s story

5.How curious..

6.Heather and Loraine have splendid fun!

7.May%u2019s story

8.Rosalie%u2019s story

9.Alexander and Mallory stories

10.The clown and the little girl:SHORT STORY

11.The clown and the little girl:Part two

12.The last tale in my story %u201C31 horrific Halloween tales%u201D

13.The last tale in my story %u201C25 cheerful Christmas tales%u201D





I didn%u2019t draw her myself.I used a character making app called %u201CGacha Club%u201D to help.I adjusted the size of the eyes and hair and picked the colors for skin/clothes/eyes etc.I picked the outfit and wings etc.

But thanks anyway!





I edited the story a bit to make more sense.



User avatar
60 Reviews

Points: 351
Reviews: 60

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Wed Jun 22, 2022 4:13 pm
Sunflowerdemon3712 wrote a review...



Sunflower here with a quick review! (though I suppose most of the time they don't end up being quick lol)

I found this story very interesting and maybe it was in part because of the way you wrote it or maybe it was just the story itself that was honestly quite interesting in its own right. I personally think that's because it's almost kind of mysterious in a way, if that makes any sense.

I do have a couple complaint though, so there's this line "The cost of doing so took out patches of his skin. Anyway,Lydia and Alexander were outside.He held chalk in his hand."

Anyway isn't the best transition word to be using for something like that because you've just given us some pretty upsetting information and using 'anyway' just makes it kind of disingenuous. Something you could use instead could be like "But now Lydia and Alexander stood outside" it just flows a bit better.

Another thing sometimes the dialogue can be a little bit too straightforward like as in the line "but she bullied him" instead it would be better to go for something like "but she's been so cruel to him" or "but why with everything she's put him through" if you want to be a bit more vauge. I think that's a bit of problem I found in the story you have a tendancy for tell don't show when it should be the other way around. So don't tell us a character is mean show us the character doing something bad. This just create a better world with more like in-depth characters and it just doesn't make the writing so like 'choppy' if that makes sense.

Other than that I enjoyed the story the characters all seem to have a very define personality and honestly I find that very interesting it can be hard to write characters who all have their own uniqueness to them so honestly the fact that you were able to do that brilliant! I also love the kind of mystique that came along with your writing style I think it was just so fun and it made it just an even more interesting read!

I think that's all I have to say! I hope you have a fantastic day/night and keep on writing, bye!

-Sunflower






Thank you! I%u2019ll edit this.




We always talk about the "doers" and "dreamers" but I'd like to give a big shoutout to the "tryers".
— Hannah Hart