z

Young Writers Society


12+ Violence Mature Content

Lycidas’ story-Eloise the demented doll woman origin stories

by vampricone6783


*This origin story is important to the story:“Eloise-the demented doll woman.“ You can look at Gacha Club pictures of Lycidas on my wall.Enjoy!

In the year 1985, there was a thirteen year old boy named Lycidas. He was attending his parent's funeral. He couldn't believe it.

His parents died.

His parents died in a car crash, while he was at his friend's house. It was so horrible. He was so devastated.

But that's life sometimes. Horrible and unfair.

Of course, there was the trouble of getting Lycidas a proper guardian but after a few days he finally got one.

His Aunt Auburn who lived in a place called:"Nightmare Hill."  It was a good thing he didn't live too far from that neighborhood, too.

His Aunt was the only living member of his family who was willing to have him live with her.

So, when the day came, Lycidas packed his things and took a taxi to his Aunt's neighborhood.

The taxi halted when the driver stopped in front of an old mansion, next to it was a run-down boutique called:"Eloise's boutique."

"This is your stop!"  The driver yelled enthusiastically.

Lycidas kept staring at the house. This was where he would live?  Next to a creepy and old boutique?

"Well, get out!"  The driver yelled impatiently.

Lycidas shook out of his trance and handed the driver money. Then, he grabbed his luggage and got out of the car.

Before Lycidas could even thank him, the driver was gone.

Lycidas shrugged and walked up to the big house. He knocked on the huge, polished oak doors.

Nothing.

"Hello?  Anybody here?"  He asked.

Another knock.

Still nothing.

He was about to think of another way to get inside the house (it probably wouldn't have been legal), but then the door opened and a tall woman with long, brown hair smiled down at him.

"Hello there!  You must be Lycidas!"  She yelled excitedly.

"Yes."  He said.

"Well then, don't just stand there!  Come in!"  Aunt Auburn said enthusiastically.

Lycidas walked inside of the house. It was a dark, oak and gothic mansion, with paintings of Hell and demons. The windows had looked had a wonderful view and red velvet curtains. There were several chandeliers, rooms and staircases in the house.

The gothic mansion didn't match the positive energy his Aunt was giving off.

"Welcome!  You don't have to call me Aunt Auburn, you can call me Auburn. What would you like?  A tour of the house?"  She asked.

He nodded. He sure could use a tour.

.........................................................................

"And this is where you'll be sleeping!" Auburn said, showing him his room. She was finishing up the tour of the house.

Lycidas couldn't stop thinking about the boutique.

So as Auburn was leaving, he asked:

"Auburn?  What's the story behind that boutique?"

She stopped in her tracks. When she turned to look at him, she wasn't smiling. She was serious.

"You want to know about Eloise's boutique?"  She asked.

Lycidas nodded.

She sat on the bed.

"Come sit and I'll tell you all that I know."  She said, patting a spot next to her.

Lycidas sat next to her.

"Around the sixties, there was a peculiar witch woman named Eloise Blake who wanted to be thin and perfect. Her sisters tried to help her with her magic, but the spell backfired and she turned into a mannequin woman. She now waits for people to turn her back into a human, so she can pass on. There's a spell that she has that's supposed to help her become a human."  Auburn said.

"That wasn't scary."  Lycidas said, disappointed. He was expecting something scarier.

Auburn glared at him and went on:

"Now here’s the interesting part. Every time someone tried to help her, they ended up never being seen or heard from again. Me and a lot of other people suspect that this isn't the true story and that there is something sinister going on."  Auburn said.

"Okay, now THAT was better."  Lycidas said.

"Be careful, Lycidas, if you come across Eloise."  Auburn said, walking away.

Lycidas just shrugged, like he did when that driver was angry with him. He didn't believe in ghosts or the paranormal.

But he didn't say anything about it to Auburn. He suspected that she believed in ghosts more than he did.

........................................................................

The next day, Lycidas ate a breakfast of eggs and pancakes. He had a tall glass of water, too. (Perfect for his eggs!)

When he was done eating his (tasty, totally not creepy and ghoulish) breakfast, he asked his Aunt if he could go outside. (Because hanging around a dingy old mansion was fantastically boring.) She nodded.

"Just don't get lost!"  She warned.

"I won't!"  Lycidas called back (Why would he get lost? Sure, her yard was big, but he wouldn’t get lost in it. It wasn’t like he was five or anything), opening the rear door that led to the garden.

When Lycidas was in the garden of trees and flowers and a forest that one could get lost in for centuries, he looked down and found a pale mannequin with flowing blond hair, cold blue eyes, and a perfect smile. It wore a heavy velvet black dress. Its limbs were splayed like uncooked sausages on the unmowed (He just noticed) grass.

"Huh?  Why is there a mannequin lying on the ground?"  Lycidas asked himself. (Because what else was there to do in a situation like this?)

He picked up a large stick on the ground and poked the porcelain thing, just to see if any bugs were underneath it, waiting to crawl out at the slightest touch.

Suddenly, it MOVED.

He stepped back.



The mannequin stay up from the ground and wobbled as it tried to stand, but when it did, it was calm and composed.

"Hello, I'm Eloise. Would you come closer?  I need your help."  It-she-said.

He didn't believe in the paranormal, yet here he was, talking to a mannequin.

Lycidas remembered what his Aunt said about Eloise. She described her too at some point.

Lycidas backed even further, about to bolt.

Eloise gritted her teeth.

"Hmm..it looks like you won't help me.."  She said.

"So, I'll kill you instead!"  Eloise shrieked.

Before Lycidas could do bolt as he had planned to,she stabbed him with a knife, the sharp point searing into his flesh and making his blood come out in an explosion (Was this how his parents felt when they died?) and he fell to the tangled grass, his warm, rouge blood pooling around him like glitter at a child’s birthday party.

......................................................................

Lycidas woke up in a backroom of cloth and mannequins (most headless and not as detailed as Eloise).

"Is this the afterlife?"   Lycidas asked himself, remembering all that had happened. (He really didn’twant an afterlife that looked like this.)

Eloise walked up to him, smiling smugly. 

"You know, I thought that I wanted to kill you. So I did. But then I decided it would be more fun if I turned you into a vampire and locked you in here."  Eloise said.

"What about my Aunt?!"  Lycidas asked furiously.

"She thinks you're missing right now. She doesn't know that you're here. Meanwhile, I get to torture you.."  Eloise let the word settle into his veins, allowing him to take it all in.

He remembered blood pooling on the grass. No one could clean blood on grass. How did Eloise manage to clean it?  Did she use their backyard hose?  Would she know where their hose was? Wasn’t Auburn smart? Wouldn’t she see the blood and know something was wrong?  Then again, Eloise was a witch (Auburn told him), so she probably could do things like make blood on grass disappear. Even if the blood was gone, wouldn’t she think to look in the boutique? Or was she just a regular woman who was too panicked to put two and two together?

He wasn’t dead.

He was a vampire.

She would make him drink children’s blood, he was certain of it.

Would his parents love him?

Would they understand?

Did anything matter anymore?

Lycidas braced himself for the pain..


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Sat Jan 08, 2022 9:48 am
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here with a review!!

Okay so this was an interesting addition and set in a different time. I quite liked it.

First of all, it's quite interesting how the story starts with a tragedy. Dying in a car accident is a very sad thing indeed. One thing I would very much like to know is exactly when he moved to his Aunt's house. Like if it was anytime soon after the incident(the car crash) took place, then I would expect him to be more devastated than he seemed in this story. Like at first, he was described to be very sad at the incident and then there was a sudden mood change.

What I liked the most in this chapter is the behaviour of the taxi driver. Well, at first it was a bit funny( at least to me, it did seem funny) but then we kind of got to know what the actual reason was behind his behaviour. If I am not wrong, then this taxi driver very well knew that the place was haunted and he wanted to leave the place as fast as he could. That was indeed something great to include in the story.

Elements of horror are getting included in the story. Now we are really getting quite some horror vibes from this which we were not getting earlier. Seeing a mannequin talk is indeed horrible.Also, the beginning where the boutique was mentioned as being creepy. I would like to know why Lycidas thought that the boutique was creepy. Hm... This Aunt kind of narrated the story in a casual manner. I mean she indeed looked very serious but her narrating manner seemed casual. So maybe from that we can infer the fact that the locals were not the most concerned about Eloise. The thing however is the fact that the story they know is of course the wrong one. So hm... this Eloise is indeed in the plan of killing everyone and torturing them, especially the children.

Keep Writing!!

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Thank you! Lycidas moves to his Aunt%u2019s house a few days after the accident.



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Thu Jan 06, 2022 11:15 am
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well..this was one of the more detailed of these backstories and this is something that appears to be set in a much later time where I assume the main story itself actually takes place. Its a good change of pace from the earlier ones, and we learn quite a few interesting things here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

In the year 1985,there was a thirteen year old boy named Lycidas.He was attending his parent's funeral.He couldn't believe it.

His parents died.

His parents died in a car crash,while he was at his friend's house.It was so horrible.He was so devastated.

But that's life sometimes.Horrible and unfair.

Of course,there was the trouble of getting Lycidas a proper guardian,but finally,he got one.

His Aunt Auburn who lived in a place called:"Nightmare Hill." It was a good thing he didn't live too far from that neighborhood,too.

His Aunt was the only living member of his family who was willing to have him live with her.

So,when the day came,Lycidas packed his things and took a taxi to his Aunt's neighborhood.


Well, this is a nice and properly tragic start there. I have no idea exactly what this particular backstory is going to be headed towards, but its off to a neat enough start. This is a pretty decent amount of detail as well I think.

The taxi halted when the driver stopped in front of an old mansion,next to it was a run-down boutique called:"Eloise's boutique."

"This is your stop!" The driver yelled enthusiastically.

Lycidas kept staring at the house.This was where he would live? Next to a creepy and old boutique?

"Well,get out!" The driver yelled impatiently.

Lycidas shook out of his trance and handed the driver money.Then,he grabbed his luggage and got out of the car.

Before he could say thank you,the driver was driving away.

Lycidas shrugged and walked up to the big house.He knocked on the huge,oak doors.

Nothing.


Okayy...this is a suuuper nitpick but since you included this conversation I'll mention it, but umm, that seems like an awfully rude thing for a driver to say...maybe looking impatient is one thing, but that just seems outright a bit too rude. I also love the first impression you're giving here, and letting us know in no uncertain terms that something is not quite right here.

"Well then,don't just stand there! Come in!" Aunt Auburn said enthusiastically.

Lycidas walked inside of the house.It was a dark,oak and gothic mansion,with paintings of Hell and demons.The windows had looked had a wonderful view and red velvet curtains.There were several chandeliers,rooms and staircases in the house.

The gothic mansion didn't match the positive energy his Aunt was giving off.

"Welcome! You don't have to call me Aunt Auburn,you can call me Auburn.What would you like? A tour of the house?" She asked.

He nodded.


Okayy...the personality of the aunt and the description of the vibe that this house gives off is certainly very contradictory here, I don't believe this is the first time I'm seeing such a combination and usually it isn't a good sign, let's see what happens here.

"And this is where you'll be sleeping!" Auburn said,showing him his room.She was finishing up the tour of the house.

Lycidas couldn't stop thinking about the boutique.

So as Auburn was leaving,he asked:

"Auburn? What's the story behind that boutique?"

She stopped in her tracks.When she turned to look at him,she wasn't smiling.She was serious.

"You want to know about Eloise's boutique?" She asked.

Lycidas nodded.

She sat on the bed.

"Come sit,Lycidas and I'll tell you all that I know." She said,patting a spot next to her.


Hmm....I get the distinct feeling this is set in a much later time that when that whole murder situation went down, and well, that most definitely makes things a lot more interesting, because this is definitely going to be a very fresh take on how this story was released to the world and how the public received it.

Lycidas sat next to her.

"A long time ago,in the sixties,there was a magical woman named Eloise Blake who wanted to be thin and perfect.Her sisters tried to help her with her magic,but the spell backfired and she turned into a mannequin woman.She now waits for people to turn her back into a human,so she can pass on.There's a spell that she has that's supposed to help her become a human." Auburn said.

"That wasn't scary." Lycidas said,disappointed.

"Here is the interesting part.Every time someone tried to help her,they ended up never being seen or heard from again.Me and a lot of other people suspect that this isn't the true story and that there is something sinister going on." Auburn said.

"Okay,now THAT was better." Lycidas said.


Ooooh I always wondered why this story had that name when there was never really anything to do with a doll in any of those backstories, will this explains quite a lot here. I don't believe I've ever managed to run into a situation like this before in a story either, so well, this is quite a spooky moment...I really want to know now how this legend of all things came to be, when it was pretty clear that Eloise was just killed while committing a horrific murder.

The next day,Lycidas ate a breakfast of eggs and pancakes.He had a tall glass of water,too.

When he was done eating his breakfast,he asked his Aunt if he could go outside.She nodded.

"Just don't get lost!" She yelled.

"I won't!" Lycidas yelled,opening the rear door that led to the garden.

When Lycidas was outside,in the garden,he spotted a pale mannequin with blond hair and a black dress.

"Huh? Why is there a mannequin lying on the ground?" Lycidas asked himself.


Well...I can already tell this isn't going to end well. I have a feeling this mannequin is a very murderous version of Eloise ghosts or something along those lines from the context we've so far received.

He ran over to the mannequin and poked it with a stick.Suddenly,she MOVED.

He stepped back.The mannequin opened her eyes and stood up.

"Hello,I'm Eloise.Would you come closer? I need your help." She said.

He didn't believe in the paranormal,yet here he was,talking to a mannequin.

Lycidas remembered what his Aunt said and he didn't trust Eloise.

Eloise gritted her teeth.

"Hmm..it looks like you won't help me.." She said.

"So,I'll kill you instead!" Eloise yelled.

Before Lycidas could do anything,she stabbed him with an knife and he lay dead in his Aunt's garden.


Well that was quick...honestly that is literally all I can think of to say right now, that just happened really fast there and I barely had time to blink. It looks like Eloise is still as dangerous as ever even she clearly should be dead.

Eloise walked up to him.

"You know,I thought I wanted to kill you.So I did.But then I decided it would be more fun if I turned you into a vampire and locked you in here." Eloise said.

"What about my Aunt?!" Lycidas asked furiously.

"She thinks you're missing right now.She doesn't know you're here.Meanwhile,I get to torture you.." Eloise said.

Lycidas braced himself for the pain..


Well she is certainly demented all right...well, this is quite a dark ending, one that I honestly wasn't expecting, its one thing for a murder to happen, but a straight up getting turned into a semi dead, semi alive state just for eternal torture is another level of pain entirely.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, I think this is a solid little backstory. You've constructed a fairly interesting set of moments here with this one, and there was just a lot of rather new things and perspectives we've never seen before which was quite exciting.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry





That, sir, is the most frightening battlefield in the world: the blank page.
— Larry McMurtry, Comanche Moon