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Katlin’s story-Eloise the demented doll woman

by vampricone6783


*The very last origin story from my story:”Eloise-the demented doll woman.” I’m doing origin stories for:”The misadventures of a man named Lucifer” next.

Once upon a time, there was a thirteen year old girl named Katlin. For fun, she and her Mom visited a town called:"Nightmare Hill."  Her little sister, Marcie, stayed home. Their Dad was there to take care of her.

But that's not important. Now, back to the story.



Katlin and her Mom went out to Nightmare Hill, like any other mother-daughter outing.

However, they decided to visit a run-down boutique they never visited before called:"Eloise's Boutique."  It was a common paranormal spot to visit and they wanted to find adventure. 

When they got to the boutique, Katlin's mother spent most of her time viewing the dusty clothing displays and out of fashion, dirty clothes.

Katlin wanted to see more, so she went to the backroom of the store. Even if she was told not to go back there, she still did anyway.

She immediately regretted it. Walking in that room felt like she was walking in a crime scene. She could have sworn that people were kidnapped, tortured and murdered in this dark, spooky, distant backroom.

Or maybe she was just paranoid from watching too many horror movies, crime shows and murder mystery movies. It was probably just a regular backroom. After all, this used to be a clothing boutique!  Clothing boutiques weren't supposed to be scary...

The light flicked on.

"Who turned the light on?"  Katlin asked no one in particular.

"Me."  A voice said behind her.

She turned around. A tall, blond mannequin in a black dress stared back at her.

"I'm Eloise. I'm dead. But don't be scared of me. I need the help of a young girl like you to turn me into a human. Would you be so kind as to help me become a human?"  Eloise asked.

Katlin took one long look at her. She didn't trust Eloise. A stranger asking for her help was...strange. Especially if it was the ghost of a grown woman in the form of a mannequin asking for her, a young, thirteen year old girl for help.

When she sized up Eloise, she got BIG RED FLAGS in her mind that screamed:STRANGER DANGER!  STRANGER DANGER!

"No."  Katlin said.

"Very well. If that's how you feel."  Eloise said coldly. The whole room felt like it dropped a temperature.

Eloise grabbed scissors from the dusty and dirty sewing table and advanced towards Katlin.

Katlin closed her eyes and screamed. She thought she'd die for she sure.

But then, conveniently, Katlin's mother walked in.

"Why are you back here, Katlin?  Why were you screaming?"  She asked.

Katlin opened her eyes. Eloise wasn't there. Just her concerned mother.

Katlin tried explaining to her what happened and she apologized multiple times for going in the backroom. She cried, too.

"It's okay, Katlin. You were just curious. But when we get home, you're not watching any of that kind of dark stuff in a while. Look at what it's doing to you!  Making you see crazy doll women!  You're watching much lighter movies and shows from now on."  Her Mom said.

Katlin stopped trying to explain it to her. It was no use. She didn't believe her.

But that didn't matter. Katlin was just glad that she was alive.

She'd listen to her mother more often from now on...


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Tue Dec 20, 2022 8:20 am
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Ahh another lovely addition to the long long collection of powerful little stories here and I love it. It somehow managed to catch me by surprise yet again with another unique storyline and I am absolutely not going to complain about that.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Once upon a time, there was a thirteen year old girl named Katlin. For fun, she and her Mom visited a town called:"Nightmare Hill." Her little sister, Marcie, stayed home. Their Dad was there to take care of her.

But that's not important. Now, back to the story.


Oooh well that seems like an important not to set things up regardless there. At any rate, excited to see what this origin story has to offer. I'm sure it will pleasantly surprise me much like most of the others have so far.

Katlin and her Mom went out to Nightmare Hill, like any other mother-daughter outing.

However, they decided to visit a run-down boutique they never visited before called:"Eloise's Boutique." It was a common paranormal spot to visit and they wanted to find adventure.

When they got to the boutique, Katlin's mother spent most of her time viewing the dusty clothing displays and out of fashion, dirty clothes.

Katlin wanted to see more, so she went to the backroom of the store. Even if she was told not to go back there, she still did anyway.


Well that definitely feels like its not going to end well. I have read enough about Eloise to know how this one is most likely going to end. I don't quite remember the specifics anymore, but I am pretty sure Kaitlin is going to regret that action right there.

She immediately regretted it. Walking in that room felt like she was walking in a crime scene. She could have sworn that people were kidnapped, tortured and murdered in this dark, spooky, distant backroom.

Or maybe she was just paranoid from watching too many horror movies, crime shows and murder mystery movies. It was probably just a regular backroom. After all, this used to be a clothing boutique! Clothing boutiques weren't supposed to be scary...

The light flicked on.


Oh yup that's definitely not a good sign in the slightest here. This is most definitely going to end in some proper murder right there. Kaitlin you really should know that anything can be very much terrifying when it happens to be haunted by the right kind of creatures.

"Who turned the light on?" Katlin asked no one in particular.

"Me." A voice said behind her.

She turned around. A tall, blond mannequin in a black dress stared back at her.

"I'm Eloise. I'm dead. But don't be scared of me. I need the help of a young girl like you to turn me into a human. Would you be so kind as to help me become a human?" Eloise asked.

Katlin took one long look at her. She didn't trust Eloise. A stranger asking for her help was...strange. Especially if it was the ghost of a grown woman in the form of a mannequin asking for her, a young, thirteen year old girl for help.


Oooh love that, love that. Kaitlin here seems to be a little smarter than I thought. She knows enough to not just trust someone who seems very clearly to be running some sort of murder shop here from every other bit of evidence besides the polite way Eloise asked.

When she sized up Eloise, she got BIG RED FLAGS in her mind that screamed:STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER!

"No." Katlin said.

"Very well. If that's how you feel." Eloise said coldly. The whole room felt like it dropped a temperature.

Eloise grabbed scissors from the dusty and dirty sewing table and advanced towards Katlin.

Katlin closed her eyes and screamed. She thought she'd die for she sure.


Oh wow that really didn't take very long much like I thought. From what I remember Eloise wasn't exactly a very patient person when it came to attacking in moments like this especially when it seems Kaitlin is not even thinking about escape or fighting back.

But then, conveniently, Katlin's mother walked in.

"Why are you back here, Katlin? Why were you screaming?" She asked.

Katlin opened her eyes. Eloise wasn't there. Just her concerned mother.

Katlin tried explaining to her what happened and she apologized multiple times for going in the backroom. She cried, too.

"It's okay, Katlin. You were just curious. But when we get home, you're not watching any of that kind of dark stuff in a while. Look at what it's doing to you! Making you see crazy doll women! You're watching much lighter movies and shows from now on." Her Mom said.

Katlin stopped trying to explain it to her. It was no use. She didn't believe her.

But that didn't matter. Katlin was just glad that she was alive.

She'd listen to her mother more often from now on...


Ahhh somehow you've managed to surprise me yet again. I did not expect Eloise to actually leave Kaitlin alone there. I thought they were both about to be attacked but I suppose if my memory serves me correctly Eloise did only really have a vendetta with children. Well this is an oddly wholesome ending even thought it looks like no one will believe poor Kaitlin's story. Even though she is going to be very traumatized though at least she's alive to eventually heal from this scare.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall I think its a lovely addition to the collection of origin stories. I can't wait to see what more I end up discovering in the times to come here. I am kind of in the middle of trying to review as many of these stories as possible.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Mon May 23, 2022 2:57 pm
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momonster wrote a review...



hey vampricone! it's momo with another review c:

i really enjoy reading these short stories! they're spooky, intriguing, and have really good story lines. they never fail to surprise me!

i saw that in this story as well you have a lack of spaces in between sentences. just try to put those into future stories; it really helps the story flow better.

For fun,she and her Mom visited a town called:"Nightmare Hill."

if my mom wanted to go to a place called nightmare hill, i would be seriously spooked.

She'd listen to her mother more often,from now on...

you don't need the comma here, so you can change it to:
She'd listen to her mother more often from now on...


that's it! you're doing an amazing job with these shorts, so keep writing! and if you disagreed with any part of this review, feel free to ignore it!
momo




vampricone6783 says...


Okay thanks!

I%u2019ll be editing this!



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Mon Jan 31, 2022 1:38 am
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here with a review!!

This was a very very different story from the other ones. In all the previous ones, if I am not very much mistaken, there were deaths. This is probably the first one in which a person didn't die and escaped from death. Well, that is a very good thing because if this child can somehow be protected and if Eloise fails to get her hands again on this girl, she can be a good proof about the existence of Eloise. After all, the local people were finding proofs and were very much concerned about Eloise's deeds. She can tell them what Eloise did with her. However, despite all these possibilities I am afraid that none of them is actually going to happen because of her mother. Katlin's mother simply didn't believe in anything and just took that Katlin was suffering from hallucinations due to her habits.

That being said, there are a few points which I would like clarification on. First, I would like to know a bit about Katlin and her mother's knowledge about the "Nightmare Hill". I don't expect a person to set out to a journey to a town which they know nothing about. I really really expect people to have some knowledge before going to the place. Second, how renowned Eloise's boutique is. It doesn't seem to be a very renowned one and if it was not very renowned, there's little chance that they will know about it. But yes, if you can establish a connection between them and the city, like someone told them about it, etc. it would be easier to justify why they visited it.

Okay, now comes the most interesting part- the disappearance of Eloise. Previously, we saw that she didn't back out from torturing adults too. All were equal before her. So, why not now? If I am not very much mistaken, Eloise did disappear because of Katlin's mother's appearance. That makes me very curious of Eloise and her policy. I can't tell what she was planning to do but definitely something crueler. I wonder about the fate of Katlin, her mother as well as her full family. Nothing really seems to be good or even satisfactory here.

I liked the sudden change in Katlin's character. At first, she was portrayed as a very brave person and then when she saw Eloise, she suddenly changed to a very fearful one. That actually helps in bringing out how dangerous Eloise was. Hopefully, nothing is going to happen to her and her family.

I really liked reading all the origin stories of Eloise.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




vampricone6783 says...


Okay,some answers:

They live close (like right next to it) to the town and Katlin loves visiting %u201Cabandoned towns%u201D so her mother took her there.

The boutique is still standing,it still has its displays and clothes,it%u2019s just dusty and is old.It%u2019s known to be a historic site.Her Mom wanted to visit it and she took Katlin with her.

The townspeople warn them of Eloise,but her mother did not believe them and took her anyway.

None of them have dust allergies,if you%u2019re wondering.They%u2019re fine.

Yes,in the main story,Katlin and her family are a MAJOR part of it.

Nothing happened to Katlin now..

Also,no one believes Katlin.




I always knew that deep down in every human heart, there is mercy and generosity. No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.
— Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom