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Extra Christmas tales

by vampricone6783

*This will be where I post extra Christmas tales,that I want to do after Christmas.These stories are from other stories I wrote that I haven’t posted here.As always,you can look at Gacha Club art on my wall,for the character designs.Have fun reading this!

Chapter One-Evangeline and Celestria’s Christmas.

Once upon a time,in a place you may know and love as “Heaven” ,there were two angel sisters named Celestria and Evangeline.

Evangeline was the older sister and the “proper” one.She wore frills,listened to the rules and didn’t question authority.

But Celestria was the more “rebellious” one.She had red hair (she dyed it a flashing scarlet red.It was actually brown),wore dark makeup,hated authority and had a demon boyfriend (now husband) named Draven.

It’s been awhile,but the two sisters were able to overcome their differences and love each other.

Now,they were going to spend Christmas together and invite their parents to come,too.(Hey,maybe even bring Draven’s parents over.Who knew?)

But they were going to have a splendid Christmas.

Chapter Two-Thomas’s Christmas

So,it was Christmas Day for twenty-one year old Thomas and his husband,Cain.They have decided to spend Christmas with Thomas’s family,with his parents and his thirteen year old sister,Bethany.

Now,Thomas,Bethany and Cain went through some stuff.Paranormal stuff.

One Halloween night,Thomas went to hang out with Cain.At the time,Thomas and Cain were sixteen years old and Bethany was eight years old.

Thomas had found out that Cain was a vampire and had lived in a haunted house,with other ghosts.Thomas also realized that he himself could see and communincate with ghosts.

Betnany,on the other hand,was back at the house.She loved scary and horror releated things.In fact,she used to tramuatize people with her dark horror stories for entertainment.

That all changed when she met Samara,a ghostly girl who was murdered years ago and who had tried to kill her.Samara was also seen by Thomas and Cain,but was nicer to them than she was with Bethany.

I mean,she still likes scary stuff,she just doesn’t try to give other people nightmares anymore.She became a better person because of her paranormal experience.

Thomas and Cain don’t see or talk to ghosts anymore.It’s probably for the best.Who would ghosts to interfere in their personal life,anyway?

The parents? Well,Thomas and Bethany’s Mom can see ghosts,like her kids and their Dad knows about his wife and his children’s paranormal ability (he doesn’t share it,if you’re wondering),so he’s not in the dark.

But Cain’s parents? Cain’s parents have no idea that Cain is a vampire and that their house is haunted.

Honestly,it’s funny how they are completely clueless.

We’re getting off track here.This is supposed to be a fun and happy Christmas tale.

They’re all going to have a fun and paranormal free Christmas.

At least,that’s the objective…

Chapter Three-Binky Slinky tells Anahi the truth.

In a yellow and cheery bedroom,a little girl sat next to the closet,pressing her clown doll close to her and awaiting when her parents would come in her room and tell her to come downstairs.

See,it was Christmas Eve (Well,actually,it was Christmas Eve night.She was supposed to be sleeping.)

But Anahi didn’t want to sleep! (That was her name) It was Christmas! She wanted to open presents!

Anahi pressed her clown doll,Binky Slinky,even closer to her.Her older brother,Nico,was creeped out by the doll.He didn’t like it when she first got it on Halloween.

Now,he was much nicer to her and her doll.She wondered why..

The doll flew straight out of her hands.

Wait,straight out of her hands? Dolls weren’t supposed to fly out of hands like that.

The doll stood up and…and…grew…

Soon,Anahi wasn’t staring at a clown doll anymore.She was staring at an actual clown.

“It’s a Christmas miracle! Binky Slinky came to life!“ Anahi sqeauled happily.

“Far from it,actually.“ Binky Slinky said.

“Hm?“ Anahi asked,curious.


“What? What did you do,Binky Slinky?“


“What? It can’t be that bad,I’d know you never hurt anyone!”

Binky Slinky shook at the word “never.” Why?

“I..might as well just spit it out..I killed your brother,Nico.”

“No you didn’t,silly! Nico is sleeping upstairs,in his bed! Now,what was it you really wanted to tell me?” Anahi asked.There was no way he killed her brother!

“I did.I actually killed your brother.”

“Stop it,Binky Slinky.It’s not funny.” Anahi said,getting serious now and crossing her arms over her chest.She wished he’d stop talking to her like that!

“I did.Here’s proof.” Binky Slinky said.

From out of his pockets,he pulled out..Nico’s skin?!

Then,he put the skin on himself and suddenly,she wasn’t looking at Binky Slinky anymore,she was looking at Nico.

“But..how?” Anahi asked.

“I’ll show you more.” He said.Even his voice changed to sound like Nico’s!

He picked Anahi up and took her out of her room,carrying her to Nico’s room.He opened the door to his room and sure enough,Nico wasn’t there.

“Did you ever think it was weird that you couldn’t find your Binky Slinky doll whenever Nico was around?” He asked.

“Well,yes,but..I thought he would steal it..”

“Another thing,I have the power to transform my voice when I put on someone else’s skin and I ccan teleport-“

Binky Slinky didn’t finish his sentence,because Anahi jumped out of his arms and ran into her room,crying.

When she got to her room,she hid in her closet and slammed the door shut.

It was funny how her parents didn’t notice her despair.

“Please,come out,Anahi! Let’s talk this out!” Binky Slinky called out from the other side of her door.

“No! You did something bad! You killed my brother! You..you’re mean and horrible and scary and weird!” She gulped between tears.

“Nico was right to not like you.” Anahi whispered more quietly.

“What?” Binky Slinky asked.

“I said “NICO WAS RIGHT TO NOT LIKE YOU!” “ Anahi screamed.

Why weren’t her parents coming upstairs?

“Did you kill my parents,too? Is that why they aren’t coming up?” Anahi asked.

“No,I didn’t.” He said.

“Take me to their room.” Anahi said.

He opened her closet door and told her to follow him.She did and they went upstairs,to her parents’ room.

Sure enough,they were sleeping soundly.

“Okay,so you didn’t kill my parents.But..why would you kill my brother?” Anahi asked.She needed to know.She had to know.

Binky Slinky backed away into a hallway closet and shut the door.Probably so he could change out of Nico’s skin,Anahi thought with disgust.

Sure enough,he came back out,in his regular form.

“I killed him,because I didn’t like that he was always sticking his nose in other people’s business.I didn’t like that he was bothering you because he was afraid of me.You deserved a better brother,so I killed him and wore his skin.”

“And? It’s not like I’m going to feel sorry for you or anything.You hurt Nico.” Anahi said,walking away.


“What?” Anahi snapped,turning to face him.

“I’m not who I look like.”

“What do you mean? You’re exactly what you look like.You’re an evil killer clown and-“

“Shut up and let me speak!“

“No,I won’t shut up! I hate you! You’re the worst thing and I despise you-“

He clamped a hand over her mouth.Anahi tried to bite it,but his hand was too strong for her to do so.

“Yes,I know you hate me.I deserve to be hated by you.But stop with the stupid alternative ways of saying you absolutely hate my guts and let me have my piece!”

Seeing that Anahi couldn’t talk for the moment,Binky Slinky said:

“My real name isn’t Binky Slinky.I’m Estella.Yes,I’m a girl.Or was a girl.See,I’m a fourteen year old girl,possessing this doll.I had a little sister,who was just as feisty as you.In fact,this doll belonged to her,my sister.Cathleen,my sister, got bullied at school and I was there,to protect her.To help her.”

“But not always.She got called some horrible names at school and when she came back home and told me,I was beyond furious with those kids.I was going to go to the school to have a talk with them..”

“..When I got to the school,the teachers were going to kick me out,of course.But I was quicker than them and able to outrun them.I ran into this girl who said she’d help me out.I told her why I was there and she was going to take me to their classroom.”

“She didn’t,though.She took me to the boiler room.I didn’t realize that until later.She turned the heat up and killed me.”

“My spirit went on to possess Cathleen’s doll,so I’d always be there for her.I learned later that the girl was one of Cathleen’s bullies.”

“Now,I want to protect you.You remind me of Cathleen.I want to be there for you.” Estella said,taking her hand off of Anahi’s mouth.

Anahi understood her,but she still didn’t like her.

“Why did you tell me all of this if you knew that I’d hate you?” Anahi asked.

“Because you deserve the truth,after these months.” She said.

“I have a Christmas gift for you.” She said.

Estella clapped her hands and…Nico appeared! He was a ghost,but he was there,nonetheless!

Anahi excitedly ran over to him and hugged him.He hugged her back.

“I missed you,Anahi.” He said.

Out of the corner of her eye,she saw a blond girl with burn scars leave Binky Slinky’s body and ascend to the sky.

Maybe that was Estella finally ascending to Heaven.

“Go to your room and get some sleep.I’ll talk to you more tomorrow.”

“I don’t want to sleep,Nico! I want to talk to you!”

“But you have to.”

“Okay,I’ll do it.For you.But do you promise that we’ll talk tomorrow?”

“I promise.”

Chapter Four-Phantom Yandere and friends celebrate Christmas!

Deep in the underground,four teens were celebrating Christmas together!

Well,none of these teens were human.Or alive,for that matter.

The leader of the group was a teenage girl called:”Phantom Yandere.” The girl had black scars and tears on her face,a gray dress with a black skirt and long,dark red wings.She looked like an evil version of an angel.

Her friends were a zombie girl who covered her eye sockets with her long bangs,called “Zombie”,a pale girl in a white dress with a gray skirt who always looked like she was screaming,called “The Screamer” and a blond-haired boy with a sharp teeth mask who was missing an arm,simply known as “Ghost.”

The four of them were badly cursed by Phantom Yandere’s Mom to be this way,but now,they were all together! They were okay,because they were together!

Now,they were going to have a wonderful Christmas..

Chapter Five-Wednesday and her family celebrate Christmas!

Somewhere in some house,there was a family,celebrating Christmas.

But this wasn’t just any family.

This was the Charlotte family!

The woman of the house,Wednesday Charlotte,was a famous author! She had a husband,Josh Charlotte and two daughters named Alexandria Charlotte (who thought her name was a pain and liked to be called “Alex Charlotte),at thirteen years old and Clara Charlotte,at four years old.

We’re not done yet.When Wednesday was only thirteen years old,she and her family moved to a mansion,which was haunted by ghosts.

She’s inviting the ghosts over.

The ghosts are:A bloody woman in a red dress named Mikayla,Mikayla’s blond and also bleeding husband,Andrew,their daughter,Fleur, (whom Clara liked to play with,because they were the same age and Fleur possessed a doll,which Clara thought was cool) and an old woman named Queen Clara.

Wednesday would be inviting four other people as well.Her parents,her younger brother,Aiden and her two good friends,Charlie (A girl,in case you were wondering) and Amber.

They were going to have the best Christmas ever! 

Chapter Six-Christopher and Morgan bring Christmas to Elanssa and Sabrina

It was Christmas at a mansion,not just any mansion.

Christopher and Morgan lived there.

Who were they? They were vampires!

Their teenage daughter,Elanssa,was also there,celebrating Christmas with them.

Morgan would even invite her friend,Sabrina,over.

It was going to be a magical Christmas!

Chapter Seven-The Father reunites with his family

In a dark forest,during Christmas time,there was a pale,albino demon,with blood red eyes and long black claws.He fed off other people’s souls in order to survive.

But he wasn’t always a demon.Once,he was a man.A man with a wife and two lovely children.

Sadly,he and his children died in a carnival he had taken them to,for fun.It burned up with them still in it.

His wife lived on,because she wasn’t there.His children became ghosts.

He became a vengeful,soul-sucking demon known as “The Father.”

All he ever wanted was his family back..

“Daddy?” Two small,childlike voices asked.

He turned around..

…standing behind him was a little boy and a little girl.Behind them was an old woman with angelic wings.

It had been so long,but he knew who were they were.

Those kids were his children.That woman was his wife.

“Yes,it’s me..” He said softly.

“Daddy!” They squealed happily.They ran over to him and gave him a great big hug.He squeezed them tightly,not ever wanting to let them go.

They were with him and that was all that mattered.

His wife (Alicia,that was her name.His children’s names were Annie and Nathan) also embraced him.

Never had he ever needed such warmth in his afterlife like he did now.

They weren’t perfect,but they were a family.

Chapter Eight-Anika’s Christmas

A family of three was in their car,ordering “Hot Cocoa” from a Càfe.This family of three was a man named Colin and a woman named Maribel.

Their teenage daughter,Anika,was in the backseat.

It was Christmas time and they planned to have a wonderful Christmas!

Chapter Nine-Michael’s Christmas

In a random house,there was a family of three celebrating Christmas.

A woman named Emma,her husband,Seth and their teenage son,Michael,were preparing for the holiday season.

But what Emma and Seth didn’t know was that Michael had almost died from a soul-sucking entity known as “The Father.” Thankfully,he survived,but he never wanted to talk about the experience with anyone.

He just wanted a fun and beautiful Christmas.

Chapter Ten-Moon,Raven and Tueur celebrate Christmas!

In a royal and magical village,a family was celebrating Christmas.

There were two Kings,who were married,named Tueur and Raven.Tueur was an elf and Raven was a vampire.They had met in their teenage years at a boarding school,where Tueur’s younger sister,Moon,also had to go to.

Moon was also going to celebrate Christmas with them.

Along with Raven’s ghostly parents,Scarlett and Kenneth and Raven’s caretaker,Elizabeth.

It was..going to be lovely!

Chapter Eleven-Hannah and Marianne’s Christmas

In a nice suburban house,a married couple named Hannah and Marianne were celebrating Christmas.

Their friendship started when they were little girls,after Hannah had lost a beloved doll and they were there for each other ever since.

Now,they’d celebrate Christmas together.

Chapter Twelve-Elizabeth,Lilliana and Lenora’s Christmas.

In the desert,there were three people celebrating Christmas.

A woman named Elizabeth,her wife,Lilliana and Lilliana’s eleven year old sister,Lenora.

Lilliana and Lenora’s parents would come over,too.(They were ghosts.) Elizabeth’s parents and her little brother would also be invited.

Oh yeah and I forgot to mention that Lilliana is a vampire.

No matter what,there was going to be a lovely Christmas waiting for them.

Chapter Thirteen-Sybil and Emily’s Christmas

In an old house in the desert,there was a skeleton girl and her ghost family celebrating Christmas.

The skeleton girl was a teenager in a black dress named Sybil.She had a ghostly younger sister named Emily and her two parents were also ghosts.

They weren’t always like this,though.They used to be human.

Emily and her parents died from ebola.Sybil went to a cursed pool and was cursed to live the rest of her days as a skeleton girl.

But the important thing was that they were all together for the holidays,no matter if they were human or not.

Chapter Fourteen-Ophelia’s Christmas

In a small house,there was a family of four celebrating Christmas.

Two ghost adults,a ghost little girl named Ophelia and her ghost older older brother,Thanatos.

Thanatos was actually the one who killed her.He pushed her off a cliff.He used to be a vampire,too,but he got defeated,so now he was dead,as a ghost.

The family was trying to make the siblings love each other again by having a Christmas celebration.

It’d never be the same with the two of them,but at least Thanatos was willing to redeem himself.They were getting there.

Now,trust me,Thanatos has a lot to redeem,like a lot,but he’s willing to make things right.

He’s learned from his mistakes and he’s going to fix them.

Well, that was what Ophelia always believed, deep down.

Chapter Fifteen-Belladonna’s Christmas

In suburban neighborhood,there were families celebrating Christmas together.

There was a thirteen year old girl named Belladonna Carson there.There was her younger brother,Victor Carson and her parents,too.

Then,there was her friend,Alex,Alex’s younger sister,Jade, and their parents celebrating.They were in Belladonna’s house to celebrate.

Boy,they were having so much fun!

It was the best Christmas ever..

Chapter Sixteen-Zeze,Zuzu and Ariana celebrate Christmas!

In a dark abandoned house,there were ghost teens and children and…

and two clowns.

Yes,you read that right.Clowns.We’ve got clowns in this story.

Anyway,these two clowns were called Zeze and Zuzu.They were married in life and now,they haunted their house together.

The teenage and child ghosts were their victims.One of their victims was a girl named Ariana,who was hanging out with them right now.

Why would the ghosts of their victims hang out with their murderers,you ask?

Because the reason that Zeze and Zuzu killed them (They told this to the ghosts) was because Zeze wanted kids (after they died) and since they couldn’t make their own kids,they decided to kill them instead and then treat them as if they were their kids.

Was it weird? Beyond weird,but that doesn’t matter.

It was Christmas and they were grateful for each other.

Chapter Seventeen-The ghostly demon children get a Christmas!

In a dark and abandoned circus,there were some…paranormal people.No,not just ghosts.Paranormal people.

There was a bleeding eight year old ghost girl named Brittany,a pale five year old angel in a blue dress with black wings named Diana,who possessed a doll,an eleven year old demon boy named Dylan,a ten year old vampire girl named Willow and a bloody nine year old ghost girl named Vivian.

Brittany was killed by five demonic clowns,who were now her friends,Diana was trampled to death in a mall when trying to get a doll,Dylan was turned into a demon by another demon,Willow was turned into a vampire by another vampire and Vivian wanted to be like a magician,so she juggled knives when no one was looking.

Too bad she didn’t realize that she couldn’t juggle knives,because she ended up getting stabbed by them.

The five clowns? Who were they?

They were five teenage boys,Jeff,Jack,Ben,James and Tim.Tim was actually Brittany’s older brother.

How did they become demon clowns? Some crusty ringmaster man named Jacob had turned them into monster clowns.They had all killed Brittany,but then she talked to them and they became best friends! Yes,Brittany knows that her brother is one of them and she’s extremely jealous that he gets to be a clown and not her.She loves clowns!

But that’s not important right now.The important thing was that they were all celebrating Christmas together in the circus-

Swirling white light appeared in front of them and-

“Jacob?” Tim asked.

Standing in front of the group was an old,ghostly man in a ringmaster outfit whom everyone called “Jacob.” Jacob was the one who had cursed the five boys.

“What..what are you doing here?” Ben asked,glaring at him.

“I..uh..wanted to apologize for cursing you-“

“You took our whole lives,our futures away from us and now you want to apologize? Why,what’s the reason?”

Jacob said nothing to them.The children watched in curiosity.

“What? Say it.” They said.

“I actually need your forgiveness to go to Heaven-“

“Of course it’s something that benefits you! Why wouldn’t it be? Well guess what,you’re not getting our forgiveness.”

“But it’s Christmas-“

“So? You think we’ll forgive you that easily? Do you really think we’ll ever forgive you?”

“But Brittany forgave you and she has every right not to-“

“She’s a kid.She knows we didn’t mean to hurt her.”

“I didn’t know until you told me.” Brittany said quietly.They turned to look at her.

“I could have hated you forever,you know.But I didn’t.Because I love you guys too much.Look,if I can forgive you,then maybe you can…forgive Jacob.It doesn’t have to be full on forgiveness or anything,in fact.You could just listen to his story.” Brittany said.

She was right.She didn’t have to forgive them.They brutally murdered her,after all.She did,though.So maybe they could try to hear his side of the story.

“Go on.Tell us your story.” They said.

“I was desperate! My wife left me and took my money,so I started a circus in dangerous grounds.Satan came along and promised to help me.I made a deal with the devil.”

“Satan wasn’t around when you cursed us.Explain that.”

“Yeah,I wanted to curse you then,but I’m changed now.”

“Okay,fine.Whatever.We forgive you.” They said.

Just like that,he disappeared to Heaven.

“I guess we didn’t have to mean it when we said we’d forgive him.” They said.

Why did they say that? Because Brittany had a point.She didn’t have to forgive them,but she did.

Did she? They didn’t have to mean it when they said they’d forgive Jacob…did she mean it when she said she’d forgive them?

Tim had to ask..

“Brittany! Do you really forgive us?”

“Of course! Why not?”

So Jacob went to Heaven when they didn’t mean to forgive him and they were still stuck in the circus when Brittany actually forgave them..

Hold it! They went to Hell most of the time,for what they did! Then,they went to the circus.

Did Jacob go to Heaven? How could they know for sure? They never went to Heaven..

“Stop standing around and celebrate with us!” The kids squealed impatiently.

So,the clowns proceeded to celebrate with them..

Chapter Eighteen-Celina Sarah and Jill.

Deep in Hell,there was a young pale woman named Celina Sarah.

Her name was actually Bindy Hammond.But she changed it after she became a vampire.

She was in Hell for murdering her entire family.Not only that,but her friend,Jill,turned her into a vampire after she got the electric chair death sentence.After that,she’s been going out as an actress named “Celina Sarah” and turning young children into vampires,including a ten year old girl named Willow,who had somehow killed her in the end.

Now,she was in Hell for what she did.But Celina wasn’t alone.

She had Jill with her,who had also been killed by a child vampire.

Why’d they turn children into vampires? Because they were young blood and fun to turn into vampires!

It was Christmas Day,Celina realized.Her husband and kids up in Heaven were probably celebrating Christmas right now.

All she had was Jill.

She didn’t even know why Jill was a vampire..


“Speak of the devil,I was just thinking about you!”

“Funny how you say that when we are in Hell.”


Celina laughed nervously.Jill turned to look the other way and that’s when she tapped her shoulder.

Jill faced Celina.

“Jill,I’ve been wondering…how’d you turn into a vampire?”

“Oh,funny story! Remember how my parents were disliked among the other people,the humans,because they were suspected of “witchcraft?” “


“They turned me into a vampire,because I guess they wanted to test how strong their powers were.So you know what I did?”

“You killed them?”

“Yess! I sure did! They were screaming in pain,the both of them!”

“I bet they were! You know,my family and your parents deserve to be in Hell for being such brats to us! I mean,seriously!”

“Yeah..hey Celina,maybe being in Hell isn’t so bad.”


“No,because I have you here with me.”

“Aw,thanks.You just made my Christmas better.”

“You make every day better for me..”

Chapter Nineteen-Daniel and his family!

In an abandoned house,there was an old woman named Regina who was an angel,two little ghost girls named Zoey and Lacey and finally,a demon named Daniel.

They were all humans,once.But when they went out to a carnival,as a family location,that’s when a ringmaster man named Jacob had killed their kids and then,after that,he killed Daniel and turned his soul into a demon.

Regina had to live on with the grief until the day she died of old age.

But now,they were all whole.Now,they were all together to celebrate the most joyous time of the year.Now,they could enjoy the holidays.

And no one would keep them apart…


Chapter Twenty-Ashley and her family!

A young witch woman named Ashley was setting her house up for Christmas,smiling to herself.

She couldn’t wait to meet up with her best friend,Poppy!

“Agnes? Is that you?” A voice asked.

That voice..it sounded familiar..like her Mom..but her Mom was dead..and..no one has called her Agnes in years..

Ashley’s Mom,Dad and twelve year old sister,Thea,were murdered years ago,by a woman she used to work for named Queen Chloe.She killed Chloe many years later,with her friends..

…That didn’t change the fact that her family was gone…

…Until now..

Ashley turned around..

..Her Mom,Dad and her sister Thea were all standing there,in the living room of her house,where she was decorating her tree.They were ghosts,yes,but they were still there.

Ashley held back tears and they embraced her in their arms.

“We’re so proud of you,Agnes.” Her parents said.

She cried even harder at the mention of her real name,her birth name.

Thea smiled up at her and she brushed back a curl in Thea’s hair.

“We missed you,sis.”

“I missed you all too,Thea.”

Maybe they couldn’t stay for long,since they were ghosts,but at least they were here now,to be with her.

At least she was with her family,even if only for a brief moment..

Chapter Twenty-One-Delilah sees her family again.

Delilah stared at the walls in her room in boredom.

When she was younger,she was turned into a vampire and taken from her parents.Then,she was forced to perform in a circus.She was four years old for years,she couldn’t age,because she was in the circus..

..Until these two vampire sisters,Victoria and Veronica,had saved her and taken care of her.

Now,she was a teenage vampire and lived with them.

“Delilah? Delilah,is it you?”

Delilah turned around and found..

..two elderly angels beaming down at her.

Her parents.

Characters in Gacha Club:




Wednesday Charlotte:







Moon (with accessories):



The Father:


Celina Sarah:


Fleur’s doll in real life (I based it off my real doll):

Diana’s doll in real life (Same thing):

Is this a review?



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608 Reviews

Points: 68440
Reviews: 608

Sat Feb 19, 2022 4:04 am
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Plume wrote a review...

Hey there! Plume here, with a review! I noticed your work has been in the green room a while, so I thought I'd give it a review to bump it out!

I must say, some of these were quite spooky Christmas tales! I admire the work that went into them— each one felt quite original. One thing I enjoyed about this work was your concepts. I think each story was quite original, and, if I'm not mistaken, the characters belong to some of your other works? The strongest part of this was probably your characters, in my opinion. I think you gave each one a distinct backstory, and I enjoyed their physical descriptions as well. They also had pretty unique storylines/premises, so nice work!!

There were a few criticisms I had. A lot of these I wouldn't consider stories. Some were only around five sentences long, and only contained character descriptions and then a conclusion sentence along the lines of 'and they all had a great Christmas.' There wasn't a lot of plot, at least not enough to be considered a story in my book. I think grouping all of these in one work, too, was a little excessive. Instead, I think it would be wise to focus on one or two and come up with something to happen related to Christmas. Also: I feel like I wasn't really getting Christmas-y vibes from the work— as I mentioned before, these are quite spooky. While I'm not one to police how holidays are celebrated, a lot of the plot points weren't reminiscent of a traditional Christmas celebration, and were certainly more Halloween-y. I think with a few more wholesome, wintry elements, you could better embody that Christmas spirit. I also think with all of the religious-pertinent aspects you have in this, like vampires, angels, spirits, demons, etc, it could be really funny to place them in a more traditional Christmas setting and see what ensues!

I also noticed there were some grammar issues throughout as well— lucky for you, they were pretty consistent. You don't have spaces after your commas, for some reason, so this is just a reminder that there should be a space after each comma! And a space after each period, too— there were a couple times when you didn't have one of those. I'd recommend an online grammar checker like Grammarly (which is free to get) to catch all those small errors if you don't feel like going back through and trying to spot them for yourself.

Overall: nice work!! I think with a bit more polishing and some more focus on certain stories throughout rather than drabbles from essentially every work you've written, this could be a cool, small collection of Christmas stories featuring some of your favorite characters you've created. I hope to read more of your work soon! Until next time!!

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700 Reviews

Points: 58801
Reviews: 700

Mon Dec 27, 2021 4:46 pm
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...

Hey! Forever here with a review!!

If I am not very wrong, this is the first short story of yours that I am going to review. Anyway let's get right into it.

Okay first and foremost, the first line is very important. Honestly, nowadays 'once upon a time' is not considered as a good opening line. Oncw upon a time doesn't really tell you about anything and as it's very common, it's best to avoid it. However, it's completely upto you.

Next, I think this is actually very short to be a chapter. This will probably make a good prologue sort of thing(I am not sure if short stories have prologue). If you want to make it a chapter, then I think it can be lengthened. There are several places where I think details can be added. Like somw description of heaven. It's true that we do know what heaven is but being specific on it will not hurt. Next, what authority is and what it really says. What are the rules that the authority proposes? What if they aren't followed? Will the person be punished? Probably not.

Anyway, the relation of Celestria and Draven seems to be an interesting one. Are the angels allowed to travel anywhere and everywhere? If not, then how did Celestria meet Draven? Secretly? How did that really happen? Also, how did they meet at first? I mean to develop a relationship, one should know the other person, right?

I wonder what is going to happen if she actually invites Draven's parents. I don't think the authority is going to allow that at all. That might actually trouble the sisters a lot. Hm... I wonder if there could be a mpre indirect way to drop a hint that Draven and his parents might come over to heaven.

Overall, I think a lot of details could be added here. The plot is very interesting though. It intrigues me to read more.

Keep Writing!!


vampricone6783 says...

These chapters I%u2019m putting in here are actually from other stories I made that I haven%u2019t posted yet.I will post them sometime in the future and then your questions will be answered.

Thanks for reading!

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
— Dr. Seuss