Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well this was quite the little tale here coming together. Love the way that it develops here, just Caden and the story of how the girls were met in the first place followed then by that witch situation and of course the lovely twist to end.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Caden’s parents told him that it would be okay to go outside, that he wasn’t far from home.
But the waves roiled on the sand, threatening to take him away. He wasn’t supposed to be scared of the beach, for it was what his town was all about, and yet…Caden couldn’t stomach stepping foot in it.
A lone girl dug through the sand for seashells, grinning at her finds.
She looked up and gestured at Caden to come over.
Caden ran, his heart beating rapidly.
No, no, no! He’d never come near a girl, ever!
Well that's quite the start, just straight running away from that with absolutely no second thoughts at all. Loving the vibes of that. Let's see where exactly this shall take us here.
Caden stared down at the beach from his bedroom window. Little did he know that the little girl with the seashells would come up in his life again, as Alanna.
He didn’t think that she remembered that day on the beach. She never brought it up. But she did remember when he was drowning, that much he knew from how she acted.
Perhaps it was because they didn’t exchange names that day. Maybe it was because she’d rather forget it.
Caden sighed. Did Alanna really love him, or was he just a child to her?
Hmm well this is an interesting little start, connecting back to what we had there right at the start and establishing that little flow of thoughts right at the back there. I think that was built up quite nicely there. Let's see how this is going to come to light here.
Just as Caden was thinking deeply about Alanna, he heard a knock on the front door.
He rushed downstairs, grateful for a distraction.
Maybe it’s Alanna. Maybe we can spend the whole day just talking to each other. Hopefully it’s Alanna, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Caden reached the final step and walked up to the front door, heart pumping with anticipation and…
It was Alanna, but she was with someone else. Adeline. Princess Adeline, to be exact. By some luck of life, Caden and Alanna befriended Princess Adeline, a girl who always wanted to “go on adventure” and ultimately risk their lives.
“What?” Caden asked. He hoped that he didn’t sound too rude, as that would upset Alanna and annoy Princess Adeline.
Oooh well this is certainly a start and a half here already with the vibes and now we have a little bit of a surprise second character moment. Looking forward to seeing how exactly that will impact this situation.
“Want to go to the beach?” Princess Adeline asked, eyes glowing with joy.
“The beach? What if our parents catch us? How do you-“
Princess Adeline grabbed hold of Caden’s wrist, dragging him away. She didn’t listen to a single word that he said, and Alanna didn’t even help him.
What was going on?
As it turned out, nothing out of the ordinary was going on. Princess Adeline only wanted to play by the water, as usual. Caden and Alanna simply sat on the sand, for there was no way he was stepping foot into the uncertain, dangerous waves.
Unfortunately, when time is passive, troublesome things sneak their way into the mind. The still breeze of the wind, the rocking of the waves, the singing of the seagulls, it should have calmed Caden, but the only thoughts on his mind were that he was a terrible, rotten liar, and that one day, his parents would find out about Alanna.
Well it looks like despite the initial little scare, there was nothing too much to worry about the whole situation after all and they're just having fun playing together although it seems it has had to be a bit of a secret there.
“Are we ever going to tell our parents?” Caden asked Alanna.
They were friends, and they were both poor, but that was just it. He could not marry her if he wanted more money, ever.
“One day, we will. One day.” Alanna replied.
Every day was “one day” with her. How many times was she going to say that and then actually follow through?
But Alanna only had his best interests at heart. He knew that, deep down. It wasn’t fair to scrutinize someone who had meant oh so much to his dear heart.
If Alanna wanted to keep it a secret, then he wouldn’t utter a word.
Well it seems there's a few issues lurking down there in all sorts of ways but at the core of it all there's a strong base of love there and I think I especially quite enjoy seeing that.
Time passed on. It must have, there was no way their time at the beach had sped up so quickly. Caden didn’t keep track when Alanna was around.
The rising fanfare that always played when Princess Adeline had spent too long outside in the real was resounding in his ears.
As Princess Adeline was being forced to leave, Alanna took hold of Caden’s wrist without warning and led him far, far away.
Again, Alanna had taken him to the gazebo, the one at the dead end of town, the decaying, broken one.
She wants to kiss me. She wants to spend time with me. Caden thought to himself.
She always did it whenever she wanted to run away from the world. Caden didn’t blame her, but sometimes, he wished that she’d ask first.
It wasn’t her fault, though. She was just scared. She just wanted him, that was all.
Caden was scared too.
Well this is an interesting touch there. The more wholesome loving parts of just undergoing a bit of a twist there as it all develops a little tiny bit of a toxic underlay there of Alanna maybe being a little bit on the selfish side of the equation.
She kept on kissing, she was so persistent. It was as though she wanted to eat his lips, tear them right off.
“A-Alanna…that’s enough…” Caden gasped between kisses.
She kept doing it. She wouldn’t let go.
Caden pushed herself away from him, immediately regretting it. Her brown eyes looked back at him in shock. He broke her trust, but he had to be strong. He couldn’t cry.
“I said stop. Why didn’t you listen?” Caden asked.
There were faint tears in his eyes. They slightly blurred his vision, but at least they didn’t come out.
She didn’t answer. Why wouldn’t she say anything? Why wouldn’t she apologize? Didn’t she love him? Didn’t she care about his feelings? Or did she just want to kiss him, without any words, without listening at all?
Well that definitely is opening up several cans of worms there for the both of them it looks like. Love the way that you develop that here, I think it works wonders to capture the feelings that Caden has and the boundary he had to draw and Alanna's own silence on it.
Caden had to give the beach another try. Everybody else liked it, so why didn’t he?
There she was. The girl from before. The one who was collecting seashells. She was still doing it, happy as could be.
The water waited, a place for him to swim and forget it all. He could do it. He could brave through the waves.
Caden walked towards the ocean, anticipating the coolness of the water as opposed to the heat from the sand.
Oooh this is an interesting plan. Definitely makes you wonder a little bit about where exactly Caden is going with this whole thing. It definitely raises more than the one question here, that's for sure.
He made it to the ocean, it wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be. Just right arm forward, then left arm, then back again and again. He could do it. He could swim.
Only, the water was beginning to get deeper. Caden couldn’t feel the bottom anymore. His arms flailed helplessly, the waves got bigger and bigger.
He was going to die. The waves were going to pull him down into the Earth, until there was no more of him left, until only just a skeletal peeked out from the sand, until-
Somebody was pulling him away. Somebody was taking him back to shore. Somebody was protecting him.
The salt from the ocean burned in his eyes and nose, but at least there was someone around to protect him.
Oooh well that went quite badly for him the poor thing, and well I suppose it is a full link back to what we saw at that introduction, only now we're seeing quite how bad it was and how actually he was saved. I think that's very nicely done here.
There! The shore! Land! Good ol’ solid land, where no waves would come to snatch him away!
They were getting closer…closer…closer…
They made it! They made it on land, all in one piece! The person let go of him once they did so. Wait…the person looked familiar…
The seashell girl?! She saved him?!
“T-t-thank you.” Caden stuttered. He could feel water bubbling up within him, but he couldn’t cough. It was “impolite” to cough around someone, his parents would say.
“You’re welcome! What’s your name? I’m Alanna.” The girl said with a smile.
He was about to say his name, but then, an unfathomable amount of water came sputtering out of his mouth. Goodness, he was coughing when he wasn’t supposed to!
Oooh that's really hitting home there about just how dire the situation was and how relieving it clearly felt to finally be saved there and of course that lovely moment of realization about how the saving happened.
Caden slammed open the front door without meaning to and ran up the stairs, to his room. Mom and Dad were out running errands, he was all alone in his house.
Come to think of it, he was always alone.
When Caden reached the second floor, he walked into his room and sat on his bed, hands rubbing his head.
His bottom lip was bleeding.
Caden wiped it. Alanna didn’t mean it. It was an accident. She only wanted to kiss him deeply. He mustn’t be too cross with her, she loved him.
But for once in his life, he’d like for her to listen. He’d like for his parents to be home. He’d like for Princess Adeline to not pull them to the ocean every few moments. He’d like for the shadow to disappear from his life.
Caden sighed and lay back down on his bed.
No use complaining.
Well this is definitely shaping itself up quite intriguingly here about Caden finally taking the step to draw that line in the sand and we just get to see him doing his best to cope with the results while making sure to affirm that he wasn't wrong to do that.
A man floated in the water, eyes staring off at nowhere. Nothing had bitten him. Nothing had attacked him.
Yet still, he was floating in the water, where monsters resided.
Caden swam over to him. Never mind his fear, he had to save the man.
He swam closer…closer…
“Never let them best you.” The man seethed.
Suddenly, the man grabbed Caden and poured a liquid down his throat…a scalding, burning liquid…Caden couldn’t scream…
He woke up.
Well that's a dream and a half right there. Things are really calling in hot when they end up going towards that particular stage, that much is certain. Poor Caden really needs is going through a lot there.
“Caden, we’re home! Did you get the milk?” Mom called from downstairs.
The milk?! The milk?! But didn’t his parents get it while they were out?
Caden looked outside of his window. The sky was a deep blue, speckled with cold white stars. It was merely night, but Lynette Beach had a sense of eeriness at that time.
“Can’t it wait till tomorrow?” Caden asked meekly.
“No! Get it now!” Mom cried out.
His parents were downstairs, he could hear from their footsteps. They didn’t even bother to go upstairs to his room, where they could talk to him face-to-face.
No matter. He’d see them on the way out.
Well things don't seem to be going too terribly well inside of that particular house, it really is reaching some interesting little thoughts here the more that we get to see about Caden.
He waved goodbye to them before he left, but they didn’t wave back. They were busy putting the market food away, but still, a little wave would have been nice.
No matter. He’d get the milk from market, and then he’d be back home.
In the distance, Caden almost thought that there was someone else. A man, going out too.
He ran closer to the figure, but as quickly as it came, it was gone.
Caden placed the milk jug on the table. He didn’t tell his parents about the shadow that he saw. Besides, they were busy eating dinner. They couldn’t be bothered with such things.
Caden fixed himself a piece of lasagna that Mom made and got a glass of water.
Perhaps he’d just eat and forget what happened earlier.
Well it seem despite the initial reluctance Caden just goes for it there to just avoid any trouble, which given what we're seeing of that home life here is very much a valid path to be taking.
Caden was in the ocean, but he was sinking, going deeper and deeper, farther off into the abyss.
There was the man, except he wasn’t blurry. His blond hair flowed haphazardly around his face, his green eyes blazed brightly, his white smile shone.
“You’re better than them, Caden. I should know. I’m a witch.” The man seethed.
“What?” Caden asked. Who was he, and why was he following him?
“I help for those who are in need. Those who need help. But you…you’re special. I could sense your sadness from where I was. I will help you, don’t worry.” The man said.
“I don’t need your help. I need you to go away.” Caden said.
The man only got closer and closer, his smile got wider, he reached to grab Caden-
A knock came upon his window.
Oh dear that's not good. We're just jumping right into witches now and it looks like this particular one is on a mission here and quite a mission too at that from the intentions that are currently on display.
Caden rushed to his window and raised an eyebrow when he saw Alanna hanging by a rope.
“It’s about Adeline. She wants you to come over.” Alanna said.
“Why should I care about what Adeline wants? Can’t she just leave us alone?” Caden asked.
Didn’t Alanna hate Adeline? Why was she bothering him about her?
“Just come. Maybe it will be good. If not, we can always leave. It’s worth a try, isn’t it?” Alanna asked.
Adeline was his friend, she didn’t mean to cause trouble. He should see her, he should check on her.
Alanna was right. Then again, Alanna was always right.
Hmm well that was a little bit of a concerning moment to be considering there but at the same time you can get a sense of how Camden does find a little bit of calm through Alanna when it comes to tough situations.
“What’s going on?” Caden asked, rubbing his eyes.
Alanna had woken him up to take him to the beach, where Princess Adeline waited by the ocean, with a canoe.
A canoe? Wouldn’t Princess Adeline get swept away?
“Just get in the canoe. We don’t have much time.” Princess Adeline said with such sharpness it made Caden wince.
“Get in? You want us to leave? You said you’d explain everything at the beach, now we’re here. Do you even know how to sail?” Alanna asked.
Sail? They were all going out? They were going to take him away from his parents?
Caden tried to run off, but Alanna held on tightly.
“I never said I’d explain at the beach. Get in the canoe now.” PrincessAdeline seethed.
Well this adventure is off to a start and a half there from the looks of things. The Princess definitely isn't about to explain any of her intentions here as she just absolutely barrels down through all of this to get what she wants.
“Adeline, give me five good reasons why.” Alanna said.
Didn’t Alanna understand? Princess Adeline wasn’t going to explain anything! Why would she ask in the first place?
Alanna turned around, almost leading Caden back home, but then, Princess Adeline grabbed their wrists and dragged them off.
No, no…no, they couldn’t go…couldn’t go away…couldn’t leave…NO!
“Do you think that we can just swim away?” Caden asked.
The boat was already sailing far off, Princess Adeline being surprisingly good at using the oars. Caden held tight to Alanna’s hand, trying his best not to think about the possibility of drowning or the strange man he saw in his dreams.
“You can’t swim. How would it work?” Alanna asked.
Well it looks like the refusal to answer is causing quite a panic here and the two are just considering any avenue that they can to try and get away from this. This is really getting nice and insane here.
Sure, they could drown, but wouldn’t drowning be better than whatever Princess Adeline got them into?
“It wouldn’t. It’d just be better than this.” Caden said.
“Maybe we’ll be fine.” Alanna said reassuringly.
Perhaps Alanna was right. Perhaps they would be fine. There was no need for him to worry so much. Maybe the man wasn’t real. Maybe they wouldn’t drown.
Maybe everything would be alright.
Well it seems after all that consideration they really can't figure a way out of this and are just embracing the fact that they're going to have to hope nothing goes terribly wrong now.
Princess Adeline- No, Claudia, she wanted to be called Claudia-had sailed them far off from Lynette Beach, to another town. She left the boat to go “steal some loot” from town, and they were to “stay in the canoe at all costs”.
But Alanna was about to leave, about to take a step out. She wouldn’t want to leave him, would she?
“What are you doing?” Caden asked.
Alanna turned to him, an expression of disbeliefthat he would ask such a thing, and said:
“I’m leaving. Come with me, we don’t have to stay.”
Come with her? What if Claudia needed them? They couldn’t leave her alone. What if…what if the man got him? Caden felt within him that the man was hiding in the town that Claudia was stealing from, that he wanted Caden to come out, so that he could strike.
“But what if she comes back? What if she needs us?” Caden asked.
Oooh it seems we're going for a little bit of an escape after all here with Alanna coming in with the solution there. Well that's shaping up rather nicely here. Let's see where this will take us.
Alanna’s eyes softened at his words, but she still had her foot planted at the dock.
There was no way he’d tell her about the man. Not in a million years.
“She doesn’t need us, Caden. She just brought us along.” Alanna said.
But what if she did? She’d need them, especially if she was in the town of the man.
“Come on, Alanna. Please?” Caden asked.
“Oh, alright. If that’s what you want.” Alanna said with a smile.
She wrapped him in her arms, and with her, he was safe. Nothing could hurt him. Not the man, not Claudia. Nobody.
Alanna loved him. Alanna cared.
He felt his eyelids go heavy…he was awake all night…he needed to rest…rest.
Well it looks like things ended up circling all the way back to the more wholesome side of things although it looks just a little bit like maybe there's something more hiding in the background here that's ready to cause much chaos and horror.
Caden was back in the water, the blond man holding his wrists.
“Who are you? What do you want with me?” Caden asked, feeling the water reach deeper into his lungs.
The man grinned, a pointed smile of the demons that lurked in people’s minds.
“My name is Adonis, and it is my duty as a witch to search for everyone’s deepest desires in their minds, to help them.” The man said in a soft, hushed voice.
“Trust me, Caden, I want to help.” Adonis said.
And then, he plunged the drink into Caden’s mouth.
Caden was jolted into the real world.
Oooh well another vision come in too, this is really starting to get more and more dangerous and now it seems the visions are being pretty direct about exactly what Adonis here wants to accomplish.
After much waiting, Claudia came back with a bottle that no one cared for and a bag of coins that made a man screech to have them back, and just like that, they were sailing off in the ocean.
“Caden, you’re the man of the boat. Drink this.” Claudia ordered.
What? The bottle? Wasn’t that the same bottle that Adonis wanted him to drink? The one that would hurt him?
“I’m not drinking that. It’s probably poison.” Caden said. She’d listen if he said no, right?
“Or it could be medicine for us. Medicine would be useful, considering that we’re in the middle of the ocean.” Claudia pointed out.
Oh, so she wanted him to drink it for their sake? She didn’t seem concerned about going out to explore before.
“You brought us here. This is your fault.” Caden said.
Oh dear well here comes the liquid. I really hope that they don't end up somehow convincing him to drink that. It very much does not look like it will be good for him there.
Her face went red with embarrassment, but he stood his ground. Caden pulled away from Alanna, waiting for what else Claudia would do.
“Oh come on, just drink it!” Claudia whined.
“I’m not drinking it.” Caden said calmly.
He wasn’t going to drink it, and she was going to have it accept it. Nothing would force him, not a single thing.
“Well!” Claudia cried out, ever so disappointed.
“If he doesn’t want to drink it, then he-ADELINE! STOP THAT!” Alanna screeched.
Claudia was forcing open Caden’s mouth and pouring the drink down his throat. In the back of his mind, he saw flashes of Adonis grinning wider and wider, until all he seemed to be was a ball of skin and teeth. Caden’s throat burned, and then, there was empty blackness.
He felt himself fall deep into the water, away from the girls, down below to the ocean.
He couldn’t swim back up.
Welp, that went ahead exactly as I feared that it would and it seems poor Caden is not coming out of this one alive or at least unscathed. That does not seem like the type of thing that's just going to wear off harmlessly.
“And now you’re stronger than you ever were.” Adonis said.
Caden couldn’t see Adonis, but he could certainly hear him. His voice was flowing to and from Caden’s ears, like the waves of the water.
“What happened to me?” Caden asked.
“You will see.” Adonis said.
Somehow, he felt that he could hear Adonis’ smile.
The water closed in on Caden more. The ocean was a lot smaller, and were those…tentacles? Surrounding him?
Caden looked down. No, the tentacles were from him.
But why were the fish so small? Did Adonis shrink the fish, or…
No…he couldn’t have…but he did…
Just what kind of monster did Adonis make him?
Well that seems to be the other option in this universe, either die or get turned irreversibly into a monster, and it seems poor Cauden's now cursed to endure the latter here.
“Try and get some sleep.” Claudia’s voice said.
Caden heard shuffling from the rocks above him. He heard the voices of Claudia and Alanna, but couldn’t be sure.
Should he even come out? If everything around him was much smaller, then what did that make Caden? What, exactly, had Adonis turned him into?
Perhaps it wasn’t too bad. Maybe he’d be able to fix things.
Caden rose from the water, the gush of a waterfall rippling behind him.
Oh god…oh god…oh god…Claudia and Alanna were so small…was he supposed to be in a cave? It didn’t seem that massive…
Welp that definitely seems like quite a big transformation going down there, wasn't expecting something quite on that scale but here we are. We'll see if there's going to be an aftermath here.
“Caden?” Alanna asked timidly.
That waterfall…was it really a waterfall? He didn’t hear anything after his arrival.
“Are you…half…kraken?” Alanna asked.
Caden looked down. His shirt was gone, only pale skin glistened. The bottom half of him was black, slick tentacles, big enough to pull down a ship.
That wasn’t a waterfall. That was him rising from the water.
“What? No! That drink made me like this!” Caden cried out.
He was a humanoid creature, a boy at the top and a monster at the bottom, good only to be the villain of a child’s fairytale, and the complete fear in Alanna’s eyes told him so.
Caden turned to Claudia. Oh, she didn’t know about Adonis, but she still insisted on leaving Lynette Beach, on forcing him to drink the poison.
Well looks like now he's in the position of power for a bit as they face off here in these final moments once its all been done and dusted. Its really lending quite the echo to itself here.
“You made me like this. You wanted to go on a stupid adventure. Because of you, I’m trapped like this.” Caden seethed.
His heart almost sank when he saw the tears brimming in Claudia’s eyes, but then he remembered how miserable she made him and Alanna, and that pity disappeared.
“I’m sorry. I know, it’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have been so reckless. I’m sorry. Really, I am.” Claudia said, eyes downcast.
They both stood still, unsure on what to do, but then, they began to walk away.
No. Caden wouldn’t rot alone. He needed them, and they needed him. They just didn’t see it yet.
Caden stretched out a tentacle and wrapped both girls in it, so that there was nowhere for them to run.
“You’re not leaving.” Caden said.
Oh dear, this is an unexpected turn of events. Both remorse and apologies coming across there as she realizes the magnitude of what she just did there but also at the same time Caden now wanting to retaliate on them now that he's got the power to.
Both girls squirmed under his grasp, but he held on. He wouldn’t let them go, he shouldn’t let them go.
“What do you mean? Why?” Alanna asked. For the first time ever, her voice was ridden with terror.
Caden would address her later. First, he had to speak to Claudia.
“Claudia, you’re going to pay for what you did. For all the ridiculousness you made us put up with.” Caden said. She didn’t flinch, but from the twitch in her eyes, he could tell that she wanted to.
“Alanna.” He said, facing her.
Her face blushed a little. So she wasn’t afraid of him? She still loved him, deep down in her heart?
“Alanna, my love for you has only grown on this adventure. Unfortunately we cannot quite be together like we originally planned. So I’ll have to kill you if you want us to be together.” Caden said.
Welp. Was not expecting a complete villain arc from our boy Caden here, but given what he was put through it does not surprise me too terribly here, and you can see there's still some love left in there, its just being rapidly twisted now from the situation.
Any amount of love that was in her face faded away, replaced with the fright he once had with the water.
No no no no no NO! Why didn’t she understand? She was his soulmate, his everything. They were meant to live and die together! No, she couldn’t…she mustn’t…
“Caden, with all due respect, I love you, but this is crazy! Let us go. I know what happened to you wasn’t fair, but please. Do it for me.” Alanna pleaded.
Caden paused, still holding on. She probably wanted to see her parents again, as did Claudia. He couldn’t blame them. Though the faces and voices of his parents were blurred, their presence was comforting, like a blanket during a cold night.
But if he let them go, then they’d leave him in the cave.
“What are you doing? Aren’t you going to let us go?” Alanna asked uncertainly.
Well Alanna really does appear to be the biggest victim although she isn't entirely innocent, just a lot of mistakes by everyone leading to a pretty bad outcome in the end for everyone. It doesn't seem like either of the girls are going to survive this.
He knew just what to do.
“No, Alanna. I’m not letting any of you go. I’m going to eat the both of you. Try not to move so much, it will hurt less. I’ll be sure to put your skull at the entrance of the cave, so that all may see. You and I will be together forever.” Caden gushed.
Finally, he knew what to do in his life! Finally, nothing would harm him or the girls, not a single thing!
“That’s not how love works.” Alanna said.
“That’s how our love works.” Caden beamed with pointed teeth.
Though they both tried to run, Caden still held them both, bringing them to the bottom of the water.
He brought Alanna to his mouth, and oh, how sweet was she! Her blood and bones filled him with such light, such love, that it almost killed him, how delicate she tasted. Claudia, of course, would not be so appetizing, but that was alright! There were plenty of humans out there in the world, there was plenty of time to fill the gaping, gnawing void inside of him.
Though Alanna and Claudia didn’t understand then, they’d both come to accept their fate with time, just as Caden accepted his fate from Adonis.
Adonis was right all along.
Well that ended about as well as it reasonably could have given where exactly that was headed. I think you've done a pretty good job really showcasing Caden's struggles and the way these two got him to this point where he becomes a monster slowly becoming mindless.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall once again another very unique story still in that lovely familiar style, except we did have a little twist there in the final villain moment but I think you really set them up well here. Quite nicely done!
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Kate
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