z

Young Writers Society


12+ Violence Mature Content

A Valentine’s Day heart

by vampricone6783


*This is a short story between two characters of mine from my “The Playground” stories. You can find those stories underneath my folder titled “The Playground”. This particular story will be underneath my folder titled “Happy-ish stories”. This story is from the perspective of Christopher, a clown, who wants to give something to his bride, Juliet. They are villians in my story. This takes place after they got defeated by the characters and sent to Hell. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy!*



I hope that Juliet likes my gift. I crafted it especially for her.

I walk through the abandoned carnival, to where Juliet stands next to the carousel, transfixed by the decaying horses.

We may be dead and in Hell, but at least our Hell gets to look like the abandoned carnival we haunted. It’s punishment, but not really, because we have each other.

Sometimes, what humans talk about echoes down here, in the abyss of darkness. I overheard humans talking about it being “Valentine’s Day”, so of course, I had to get Juliet something.

“Juliet?” I ask, tapping her shoulder.

She turns around and smiles at me. The rot on her teeth really brightens her grin, and the lifelessness in her eyes is ever-so-charming.

How did I come across such a beautiful woman?

“Yes?” She asks, her raspy voice like the hushed song of faeries.

I reach into my chest, organs squelching underneath my claw, but I’m looking for only one particular part of my body.

“Happy Valentine’s Day!” I say.

I’ve pulled out my heart. It’s blackened, but still bloody. It hasn’t lost its crimson color, it still has shine.

“Oh Christopher, it’s lovely!” Juliet says, taking my heart from my claws and holding it in hers.

“Rip it open. There’s something special in it.” I say.

She tears open the flesh of my heart and finds the chocolates I put in there. I found them scattered in Hell, from the human world. Some humans must have dropped them and then they seeped into Hell. That’s what I think, anyway. I don’t care though. I’m grateful that they’re here so I can give something to Juliet.

“You can eat pieces of my heart and the chocolates.” I say.

“Or we can share the chocolates.” Juliet says.

“Or we can share.” I agree.

“Why don’t we share some chocolates now while we listen to the calming creaks of an old Ferris wheel and the soothing sounds of the damned screams?” Juliet asks.

“I would love that.” I say.

We sit on the rocky ground and share the decadent chocolates that have delectable worms from the dirt of Earth. Though less than ideal, we’re not apart.

It’s the most important thing about Valentine’s Day, isn’t it?

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122 Reviews

Points: 1350
Reviews: 122

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Mon Feb 12, 2024 5:41 pm
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GengarIsBestBoy wrote a review...



Howdy hey! Gengar here to leave a review! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Top Graham Cracker - What I Know

I haven't read the other parts to this story, but I think this part is pretty neat! It kind a caught be off guard when Christopher just ripped his heart out, but I mean that in a good way!

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements

I think maybe some aspects of the world aren't explained well, such as how they can hear human voices from Hell or how they are able to pull their organs out of their body. It may be a bit confusing for someone who is just jumping in. However, this is part of a larger storyline, so maybe it's explained better in previous chapters.

Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece

I liked the juxtaposition of love and horror--how one character is literally ripping his organs out, but at the same time it's a heartfelt gift for his lover. It's cute in a really messed up sense. It was a great plot twist (?) of a seemingly shocking event actually being wholesome

Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts

Overall, this was a very wholesome and cute story. The themes kind of remind me of the album Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge by My Chemical Romance, which is a concept album with an overarching storyline. Basically, there's this crime couple who get into a police shootout, where the man dies and the woman lives. When he arrives in Hell, the devil puts a gun in his hands and tells him that he can see his lover again if he kills 1000 evil men. It's a pretty good listen and I recommend it, however it does contain dark and potentially mature themes

I hope my review could be helpful. I wish you a good day/night!
—GengarIsBestBoy






Thank you for reviewing and I will certainly check out the song!





*I mean the album.



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31 Reviews

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Reviews: 31

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Sun Feb 04, 2024 5:22 am
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WeepingWisteria wrote a review...



Hello, Vampricone! Wist here with a short review.

This cute story turns Hell's grimness into the perfect backdrop for a heartwarming story. Your characterization is thorough, emphasizing less than pleasant aspects of Juliet's appearance as reasons why Christopher finds her beautiful, which both adds to the overall mood of the piece and gives the reader a good look into what makes these characters tick! Your piece would fit right in with how popular villain romances are nowadays. You don't answer many questions about how Hell works, but given it's a first-person narrative and Christopher doesn't seem to care, it makes more sense to leave those questions unanswered. I honestly have no critiques to say; I enjoyed this. Thank you for sharing, and I wish you luck as you continue adding to this world!

Happy writing,
Wist




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12 Reviews

Points: 8
Reviews: 12

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Sat Feb 03, 2024 8:49 pm
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AJW says...



I love the line... "She turns around and smiles at me. The rot on her teeth really brightens her grin, and the lifelessness in her eyes is ever-so-charming."

I specifically love how it relates to the fact that they are in hell and so things aren't meant to be "perfect" and "pretty" there. But to the characters themselves this is normal.

Oh! And the way Christopher keeps the gift with his heart and also willingly offers both to Juliet is quite sweet.






Thank you! :>




Cheat your landlord if you can and must, but do not try to shortchange the Muse. It cannot be done. You can’t fake quality any more than you can fake a good meal.
— William S. Burroughs