Attack on titan fanfiction (chapter )

Alright. I want to start off with compliments:
OH MY GOODNESS ATTACK ON TITAN IS AWESOME, AND IT'S AWESOME THAT YOU CHOSE TO WRITE A FANFIC. XD

Ok. I want to apologize for the length of this. Now, lets dig in. You have pretty much no punctuation whatsoever, and I don't know if that's because you don't know where to put stuff or out of laziness, so I'm going to definitely tell you what you need and why. I'm going to give you an example and the reason, but if something comes up that needs punctuation for the same reason as a previous mistake, I'm not going to repeat it, so PLEASE apply it to everything.

First, you use the words "abherrent/abhorrent" and "convey/convoy." I have no idea which word you mean because you have two different spellings. You need to figure it out and make sure it's the same in the whole story.
Also, at the end of a sentence you need either a period, exclamation point, or question mark-whatever the statement calls for. You need to capitalize the beginning of EVERY sentence. Every time a new person is talking, make it a different line. In the last line, Eren says the first thing, and Mikasa says the second thing, so in order to make that clear, you need "I promise." to be it's own line.

Now I'm going to take a few choice lines, show you what it should be, and tell you why.

You have "'captain Levi you sent for us sir!” Exclaimed Eren shakily thinking his squad had got in trouble yet again"
It should be "Captain (capitalize the title of people, in this case Captain, if their names follow and it's also the beginning of a sentence) Levi, (you put commas after/before/around the names of people you're talking to depending on where it is in the sentence) you sent for us, sir!" (you need the comma here for the same reason as before. Good job using the correct ending punctuation and quotations) exclaimed (this should be lower-case because it's still the same sentence even though Eren isn't talking anymore) Eren shakily, (you need this comma because the next part of the sentence is an interrupter) thinking his squad had gotten into (got in isn't grammatically correct; gotten in would work but I think gotten into works best) trouble yet again." (You don't have ending punctuation here, and you need some).

A REALLY GOOD AND IMPORTANT RULE OF THUMB IS WHENEVER THERE IS A PAUSE WHEN YOU READ A SENTENCE OUT LOUD, PUT A COMMA THERE.

Alright. You're paragraphs are really hard to understand due to lack of punctuation, so I'm going to do the same thing but with a paragraph.
This is what you have: "Guys be quiet I think I can see a member of squad 10 up ahead” as if on que a black smoke stream launched into the sky alerting squad seven abherrents have been sighted Reiner Lifted his binoculars to his eyes as the convoy came to a halt “its Christa!” he shouted. The whole squad was on high alert as Christa rode up in front of them, her face struck with panic as she stared ahead, shock making her features ghostly

"This is what it should be: "Guys, (again addressing people) be quiet, (that was an interrupter again) I think I can see a member of Squad Ten (Squad is a title by which you address people, so you need to capitalize it. Also, you should write out any number less than 100. If it's a number that requires two words to write, put a hyphen between the words) up ahead." (You need end punctuation here. If you were going to say who said the sentence after it was said, you would need a comma, but only if you would put a period there normally) As (beginning a new sentence) if on que, (that was an appositive) a black smoke stream launched into the sky, alerting Squad Seven abherrents (don't know what that is or what you mean or if spelled correctly) have been sighted. (end of sentence) Reiner lifted (Reiner is beginning of sentence, not Lifted) his binoculars to his eyes as the convoy came to a halt. (You need a period here because you didn't say 'Reiner said.' If you had, you would put a comma.) "It's Christa!" he shouted. The whole squad was on high alert as Christa rode up in front of them, her face struck with panic as she stared ahead, with (it would make the sentence flow better) shock making her features ghostly.

One last thing! At one point you say there are six members of Squad 7, but you only list five.

Okay. Again, I'm very sorry this was so long. You really need to use more punctuation. You have great writing skills. Everything would be pretty dang close to perfect if not for your lack of punctuation. Please work on that. I'm truly excited to read more of this, and please don't be discouraged. Your content and wording is amazing, but the lack of punctuation and capitalization makes it confusing.

Hello, valdez! Nice to see another Percy Jackson lover! Although you think Leo is better.

First thing I noticed is that your dialogue is not capitalized. So I think you should go through and capitalize each word after a quotation mark. For example, "“captain Levi you sent for us sir!” Exclaimed Eren shakily thinking his squad had got in trouble yet again" should actually be "“Captain Levi, you sent for us sir!” exclaimed Eren shakily, thinking his squad had got in trouble yet again." with some edits.

Another thing...it is grammatically incorrect for their to be multiple punctuation marks after one another. So minimize the number of exclamation marks down there to 1. And, you don't need to capitalize "humanity" unless you really want to emphasize it; then you could use italics. Having entire capitalized words doesn't seem correct at all. But, it's definitely up to you. And, there shouldn't be a space after the ellipsis. That just ruins the look of the piece, and you want your work to look neat and orderly. That's one of your goals as a writer.

"squad 7 squad 10!!! I need your skills for a mission that could possible save all of HUMANITY… from being hungry,"

So, since "what's" is a contraction, there should be an apostrophe before the s. And, since somebody is speaking, there should be quotation marks around "what's that supposed to mean". If Connie is asking a question, there should be a question mark after "mean", but put it inside the quotation marks. Connie is a name, which should be capitalized it it is.

"Whats that supposed to mean cried connie."

Here's another paragraph with the edited version...or what I think should be edited. A lot of your edits make up of run-on sentences. You're putting too many commas where there should be periods, and that isn't good for the quality of your piece. You should also always write out numbers, unless they're like 956 or something.

"They had almost reached the extraction point. The convey consisted of two squadrons and three food wagons. Squad seven was assigned to guard the three food wagons and was made up of Reiner, Jean, Connie, Eren and Armin, whilst squad ten was assigned to forward, which meant that they scouted ahead and cleared the path for the convoy. This squad consisted of Mikasa, Ymir, Christa and Sasha."

If you want to make the first word an actual exclamation, please put an exclamation mark after it. And, there should be a period after "supplies". Instead of an exclamation mark after "everyday", since it is a question, shouldn't there be a question mark? Put a comma after "mean". Comma after "squad". Exclamation mark at the end of the first paragraph, along with a quotation mark. Comma after "Oh". Comma after "up". Capitalize "Wall" and "Rose", and put a comma after those two words. When they are talking about the survey corps, put a "being in" before the first "the". Take out "being the". "Complained Eren" and the rest of the sentence should be with the survey corps paragraph. Connect "any" and "way". Comma after those two words, too. Capitalize "Jean". Capitalize "Eren". Capitalize "Connie". Put a period after "dully". Wow, what a bunch of edits! So, instead of me posting so many things, how about you look through my advice and use it to fix this piece up. I can't type any longer!

"Aaah. This is such a drag! I didn't choose the survey corps to transport supplies I thought we were going to be out on the front lines killing titans everyday! How am I ever going to impress Mikasa if the only thing I do is watch some stupid food! Doesn’t Erwin have any respect? I mean we were cadets of the 104th trainee squad which has so far been the one of the most successful squadrons to ever have existed.

“Oh shut up Jean. If we don’t ensure that this convoy reaches wall rose there’ll be a food shortage, and the survey corps being the least popular military force, means we’ll be the ones with no food.”

Complained Eren, annoyance tinging his words.

“And Mikasa would never date you any way jean she's got the total hots for eren” added connie dully"

Have a great day! Oh, and please fix these errors, please. I would love it if you did. Keep writing forever, valdez! And keep going with the awesome usernames!

-wisegirl22

Hi guys I posted this first chapter to see if it was any good and I am pleased to recieve constructive critisim on it if you wish so That i can improve my writing skills so if you post and like thank you very much and happy writing to you all