(This will be in the middle of the story I have yet to create. If you look at my account you can see I have a lot of unfinished work, but I'm slowly getting there. This one is a love story, cliche and 100% different from everything I've started, but yet to finish.)
As our lips continued to press together, I felt a finger on his left hand run across the skin of my leg, his other arm wrapped around my lower back. At first I thought he was just doodling lines of nothing, but after a second I realized he was actually writing something.
There are three little words that mean a lot to couples in love, but the first time speaking them is hard, but special. We had yet to say these three words, but we both felt them and knew they were coming. I'd been waiting on them practically since we became an official item. I know that sounds quick and rushed, but we'd been good friends and known each other almost our whole lives.
One night we had shared pretty personal stories with each other, followed by an intense kissing session. After we pulled away from each other, our eyes locked and the butterflies in my tummy fluttered; I thought this was it, I thought this was the moment. But...it wasn't. Another time I thought the words would make their debut was after the homecoming football game. I was up for Homecoming Queen. All week he swore up and down that I would win, but of course I doubted myself. At the end of the night, I was crowned Homecoming Queen of 2014, and he was more than proud. As soon as we met post-game, he picked me up, spun me, put me back on my feet and planted one right on me. Followed my a forehead kiss, I was swept off my feet...but still no I love you.
After realizing he was writing words, our kissing slowed, but we continued to press our lips together, his lips were so soft, but kept them motionless. My breathing got heavier. The first letter written was I...he paused for a second as if he were trying to create suspense. After what seemed like an hour, he placed his finger back on my leg and wrote the letter L, followed by O, V, and E. By this point my heart was racing ninety to nothing causing me to breath even harder and begin to grin ever so slightly, lips still pressed against his.
The last word, as I expected, was written the slowest: Y-O-U. The three little words I'd been waiting weeks to hear had finally been said. I smiled so big; I knew he could see it in the dark. Though it wasn't out loud, he still said it. I responded by writing, "I love you too" on his chest. He smirked back and kissed me aggressively, like he really really loved me.
These three words, like any teenage girl would say, meant the world to me. Personally, it's like a commitment. No, it's not LIKE a commitment, it IS a commitment. In our day and age those words are used very loosely, but coming from him...it's different. He never uses them unless he absolutely means it. At that moment, when those three words slipped from his perfect mouth, I knew that I was his, and he was mine, only mine. I knew then that I would always have that one person, my best friend, the person to always fall on when I couldn't stand up on my own, I knew I would never have to worry that he would stray because, well because he LOVES me.
We talked more after that, but eventually he had to take me home. We rode in silence, looking and grinning at each other occasionally. When he dropped me off he said, "Caylee..." I turned and looked at him with his adorable crooked smile.
"Yes," I whispered.
"I love you. I love you. I love you," he beamed with happiness. Even as I walked to the door of my house, that big smile never left his face.
End of chapter
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140,133 Literary Works • 673,031 Reviews
Hello!
Very nice scene you have going here. I did catch a grammatical error that was suppose to be "thought", not "though" but that is understandable. There isn't much to critic on since, like you said, this is in the middle of a story. It was slightly cliche (but you did state that), but if you continue the story, it will probably be fine. You should continue writing the story and let us really know who the characters are. For instance, Caylee should be wondering and maybe even reflecting on their relationship. (assuming that they've been through a lot.)
Great work and keep writing!
xoxo,
Cindy
Thank you! I tried to fix your corrections
This was adorable. I'm totally obsessed with writing romantic scenes where the characters never outright say they love each other, I think it makes it so much more special.
1-There's a lot of smiling. Which, of course, is to be expected when you've just heard "I love you" from your boyfriend, but there's different words you could use. Smirk, grin, glowed, beam, etc.
2-I think there's a lot of unpacking you could have done here. "There are three little words that mean a lot to couples in love " What do they mean to Caylee though? Safety? Security? Acceptance?
"The three little words I'd been waiting weeks to hear had finally been said" When was she waiting for them? At the end of phone calls, in between make-out sessions, after she cried about her failed mid-term? Character details and background make a romantic story like this have depth and meaning, so you can stay away from the cliche and fluffy.
3-There are some grammatical errors that a careful proofread will make disappear.
Overall, this scene was very cute and I can very much see it being part of a larger piece of work. Keep up the good work!
Thank you! I tried to fix those things, if you wouldn't mind re-reading.
Thank you!