Great winds gasping in the chill night air
Tall pines shivering as though their trunks bare
The blue moon watching the Earth with a stare
The stars all giving a cold and icy glare
Hoar-frost crunching ‘neath the weight of a boot
Cold heart thumping for Cupid’s bow to shoot
Without a place to run, nor a place to hide
Is when heart of flesh and heart of stone collide
The great prince garnished in his velvet and jewels
Knows that he alone is prince of the fools
His treasuries and power from long dead kin
Couldn’t save his long-lost love from his sin
His pride did turn his heart to solid rock
Into a fate of grief and loneliness he was locked
When riches lured from taking love as bride
Is when heart of flesh and heart of stone collide
The Prince’s love was truly fairest to behold
With eyes of sparkling sapphire, and hair of solid gold
Though her beauty far surpassed every girl in sight
Alas, her poverty was reason for her plight
The prince couldn't risk his gold and royalty
To take a miller’s daughter for his bride-to-be
And when her love continued despite his foolish pride
From where heart of flesh and heart of stone collide
Brick upon brick stands the old country mill
Step upon step the prince ascends the hill
To try and rekindle his love long lost
To fill the chasm in his heart no matter the cost
And when he saw her, he collapsed upon one knee
For forgiveness and love he did desperately plea
And at this moment he washed away his pride
When heart of flesh and heart of stone collide
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey, I'm RainbowPowerPonies as my username implies lol I don't get why people do that. Anyway I wanted to review this.
It's a nice spin to the story. SORRY poem! This was amazing, I really wanna read more from you after reading this since it was the first thing I have read from you and if at all possible could you notify me when you write more? I'd be glad to preview any work for you if you'd like. I love your style so as I always say, keep writing and keep reading. BTW those reviews aren't gonna write themselves so don't be scared to ASK a good friend to look it over!
This was amazingly written and I love the way it flows. You made everything fit and I love the title and how you made it fit the ending line. Can I ask a question? Whose heart is of flesh and whose of stone? I was pretty sure it was the man's or as the poem refers to him, the prince's but it was SLIGHTLY and only slightly unclear which was flesh and which was stone. I reread it and I'm PRETTY sure it's his of stone and her's of flesh but verification would be nice like 'she of flesh and he of stone' or something. This is just a suggestion. I could find no mistakes that were clear to me and the emotion behind it is clear. It's almost like more of a story and I like that.
RainbowPowerPonies
Thank you so much. You were right, the man had the heart of stone and the woman the heart of flesh. That is a great idea, to put in some sort of verification, and I was actually thinking of adding a stanza or two in the future, so I will definitely be doing that! I will definitely keep you posted!
thanks. And thanks 4 the follow
No problem!
Wow this was absolutely magical. Everything seemed to flow nicely together.I don't notice and major or minor mistakes, kudos to you. I love love love the way you used your rhyming words. Made me a tab bit jealous, I wish I could get my rhyming good. I see you're new here too so welcome to YWS! I hope you find it as enjoyable as I have, keep up the great work. This poem was really nice, I liked it very much and hope to read more by you.
Thanks! I am really not sure how I was able to write this one. Before I wrote this I focused on only rhyming words, but not the flow of it... this time, I tried to generally match up the number of syllables in each line, and then tweak it from there. THe biggest help for me and rhyming in poems was a thesaurus... if you wanted to know...
You're welcome and your work paid off this was amazing and I have no idea how I never thought of a thesaurus before.. Wow completely over my head, thank you haha.
No problem! It has been a life saver for me! I also subscribed to dictionary.com's word of the day thing, and there are some fun new words to learn through that too. It is crazy what you can find online!
Oh yeah definitely! I might have to check that out.
Hey, Cat here! I think this is a fantastic poem. I love the rhyme, and the way you tell the story so eloquently. There are a few things you could word differently, though:
"His treasures and power from long dead kin
Couldn’t save his long-lost love from his sin"
"His pride turned his heart into solid rock
Into a fate of grief and loneliness he was locked"
"And when he saw her, he collapsed upon one knee
For forgiveness and love he did desperately plea"
(By the way, I just changed some words in each line. I'm sorry it's so awkwardly written.)
The end is fantastic. I can't even tell you how sweet this poem is.
Write on,
Curiosity (killed the) Cat
Thank you so much! You don't even know how good that review made me feel. Thanks for the suggestions!
You're welcome!
It really is beautiful. (I hate negative reviews, personally. Constructive DOES NOT equal mean.)
I really appreciate it when someone helps me to improve...
You are right, you don't have to be mean to help someone (notice the CONSTRUCTIVE in constructive criticism, not demolish)