Remember the men who risked their lives for ours.
Embrace the sacrifice they made for this country.
May we thank the ones who fought 24 hours.
Expect a praise for those who stood up for you and me.
Mighty men who stood like tall towers,
Basking in the light of their glorious victory.
Right here where we stand in a field of poppy flowers
Along God’s words, did they fight against evil and misery.
New leaders who drove their soldiers with horsepower
Chose a path of freedom and liberty.
Expect now, a remembrance for those soldiers that evil feared to devour.
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Wesh! Professor Jade here for a review. Let's just get to it.
Remember the men who risked their lives for ours.
Embrace the sacrifice they made for this country.
May we thank the ones who fought 24 hours.
Expect a praise for those who stood up for you and me.
Just from these first few lines I can tell the cutting edge of this patriotic poem! I love the flow and the rhyme scheme is perfect.
Mighty men who stood like tall towers,
Basking in the light of their glorious victory.
Right here where we stand in a field of poppy flowers
Along God’s words, did they fight against evil and misery.
I think maybe keep a clearer rhyme scheme and that will even the flow out. Maybe read it aloud and you'll be able to hear how it sounds.
New leaders who drove their soldiers with horsepower
Chose a path of freedom and liberty.
Expect now, a remembrance for those soldiers that evil feared to devour.
This was a great ending so I applaud you. I really love poems with a good ending.
I do like the fact that you made sentences out of the letters above. That's creative!
Have a great Memorial Day and I hope this helped a little!
-Professor JadeLotus-
P.S. Let me know if you want any other reviews on anything and I'll be glad to!
Thank you Jade!!!!
Hello Anne here for a quick review!
First of all, I really enjoyed the message of this poem, on such a fitting day too. Happy Memorial Day! I noticed a few things that may need to be tweaked a bit!
In your line " May we thank the ones who fought 24 hours." There is a lot of room for the reader to get confused. I know that I was. Are we remembering them for 24 hours? Did they fight for a short amount of time? I am not too sure where you were going with this line, but I understand the gist. If i were you, I would go back in and tweak it a bit.
I really like your line that says " Mighty men who stood like tall towers." That image is beautiful and makes these men seem so much more powerful.
The ending of your poem does a wonderful job of wrapping it up! I do have one suggestion though. I would make the fact that the soldiers died a bit more evident. ( I am assuming they did because this is a poem about memorial day.)
DO not feel stressed as to keep a rhyme or meter that is super strict, I feel like in a few places your rhyme is forced and it upsets the flow of your poem.
Overall, i really enjoyed this piece, it was well written and touching. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future!
- Anne
Thank you for the review!!!!!