Young Writers Society

Wesh! It's Jade here to review another poem!

I'm just going to give my overall thoughts so here we go.

PROS:
This is sssoooo relatable and I congratulate you on getting your words onto paper.
I love how you ended it.
It's deep and raw, to be honest!

CONS:
Watch the flow and the syllable count of the stanzas.
Maybe add metaphors to tie it in??

OVERALL:
Greatr work! I like our poem style and I can't wait to see more by you soon.

Have a great day and I hope this helped
-JadeLotus-

Hello.
So I'm gonna review this work to the best of my ability. I would like to start by saying that you did a great job overall on the poem. However there were a few grammar mistakes and some word choices that I feel could be different in order to help with the overall flow of the poem. The grammar mistakes is more just like extra space in front of a word so you might wanna go back through and make sure that there is only one space between two words instead of two spaces. In line 4 at the beginning of the poem there is an I that is connected to another word so you might wanna put a space between both the words/letter. In the third stanza you write that, "You know that I write because that's how close we are." Looking over that sentence just doesn't exactly make since maybe if it was worded differently it might. There are a lot of positive things about the poem such as the overall message and feeling it gives to the reader. I also love that the title was the same as the ending line and the poem had a great flow and the ending line pulled it all together in a great way. I really hope to see more writing from you soon. I would like to say based on the feelings that it seems you feel in the poem, I write a lot of poetry that talks about heartbreak and love and have experienced around the same situation that you seem to be going through so If you want to read some of those it might help you realize your feelings and idkkk lol but I like reading poems that relate to me and I think that some of mine might relate to you. Anyways it was a great read and there is so much potential here and I hope to see so many more poems from you. Thankyou so much for writing.

this is a great piece, I like your writing style.

here are some things I noticed.

"Some days it’s like golden between you and I. "
I would swap "golden" for "gold". also grammatically speaking, that "me" should be "I", however, in poetry, grammar can be occasionally forgotten in lieu of better flow.

"Then Ifeel the burning in my cheeks when I hear your name."
add a space in "I feel"

"But I don't tell my friends that I feel like we’re fading.
We don't even take a glance at each other.
That’s when I feel like my heart is breaking."
fading and breaking technically rhyme, however, it doesn't feel as strong as the others to me.

"Most of the time I feel like you’re my best friend.
While other days I feel so degraded.
I just don’t understand it sometimes.
Our love is so complicated."
this is a great ending! get rid of one of the spaces in "like you're".

I love your work. as always, my critiques are only meant to help you improve.

keep writing
~Corvus