Hot summer day, warm sun on my skin! Look up to the clouds, they're all stormy and gray. Ain't gonna rain, it's as bright as a button! So why are they all so gray?
My eyes fall to the road, see all sorts of cars, just where are they going, who knows, hey wait a second here! Why are they gray?
Ain't no funeral today, but I'm dressed in gray; so is everyone else, just who went and died? The litter cluttering the sides of the street, the buildings, the fences...they're all gray, why are they gray!?
The grass they call green is all shriveled and gray, the sky you call blue I see and it's gray. Something is wrong here and it's not my fault; when somethings amiss, who do we blame? The president? The parents? No, no, no, no, no?
Why don't we blame the guys in the suits? Come on, now, didn't you see the news? They cut a deal and left us singing the blues. To sell all the colors of this world for green! To fill their pockets whatever the cost; don't like it, too bad, caching caching!
Since this is real life, better to follow a dream. Maybe quit my job, and learn how to sing. I'll write a tune about a better time, where life was more than cash and dates, all we looked towards were the pearly white gates. Hot summer day, but I may as well be in Antarctica.
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139,643 Literary Works • 672,638 Reviews
Hi jessiebear hear. Tigeraye I loved the poem you have grate riming skills, and all the way through it all rimed well to me. Well don.
Thanks
You are welcome.
Heyo, caliginous here.
This story brings about the interesting concept of human greed. You did an excellent job explaining what some people would give up just for money. I loved how it was pretty concise and to the point, yet vividly explaining the causes of greed through color. An interesting choice, and one that clearly explains what you're trying to say.
This story starts off warm and bright, then becomes suddenly sullen and progressively more angry and depressing as the meaning becomes deeper. It's amazing how you managed to do this, all through the narrator observing the gray surrounding them. Now let's get into some detail...
"Ain't gonna rain, it's as bright as a button!" I stumbled over this line at first, because I just don't feel it's a fitting comparison. A button isn't exactly the first object I come up with when I think "bright." Perhaps you should try something else. I would give an example, but it's late and my brain just doesn't feel like cooperating with me right now.
"No, no, no, no, no?" I would suggest replacing the question mark with a ... to make it seem like the narrator is thinking, contemplating.
"They cut a deal and left us singing the blues. To sell all the colors of this world for green!" The incorporation of other colors in these lines is very clever. I especially love how these colors don't necessarily mean the actual colors, but they could in a way. This also hints at the sneaking suspicion gray is just a symbol for depression. Although this is suggested throughout the piece, it is really thrown at you here. In fact, this whole paragraph really explains the deeper meaning of the story foreshadowed in the paragraphs before.
"Hot summer day, but I may as well be in Antarctica." This is the perfect closure. It sums up the meaning while further enhancing the progressing cold and dreary mood.
The whole last paragraph is perfect. Too perfect to explain. So I'm not even going to try.
Absolutely astonishing piece! The deeper theme is one I believe we can all relate to, and you did an exquisite job explaining it through color. Amazing!
~caliginous
thanks friend. The question mark at the end of the Nos was actually a typo that I was too lazy to fix, heheheh.
Ok then ignore that part of the review
Hi tigeraye, Felistia here with a short review.
Cool story. I love that the description starts off colourful and slowly fades to grey. The way you give a sense of urgency was great and made me want to read until the end, which was a very clever ending. The story was not what I expecting at all.
The fact that the story looked a bit short made me a little nervous, but it turned out perfectly. Well done and I hope to see more of your work. Have a great day\night.
Thanks friend