December 21st – 7:13 A.M.
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh! Agh! Agh! Ugh!”
I awoke to the pleasant sound of my sister Beatrice trying to scream her lungs out of her throat. I rubbed my eyes and stumbled out of bed, hurrying to the door. When I outgrew the crib, I didn’t get to decide against having my bedroom right across from the bathroom, unfortunately.
“Will you please stop your hootin’ and hollerin’,” Mom said as I pulled the door to the hallway open. “You’re going to wake your brother up! Oh, and look here! There he is! Good job, you woke Arnold up!”
“There was a spider in the shower! Ugh!” Beatrice said. “I hate this stupid house! I’m going to go live with grandma, I swear to God!”
“We’ll you’d better swear to God,” Mom said. “Because you know good and well that she died six months ago!”
*Boom* *Boom* *Boom*
“Ah!” All three of us shouted in unison, ducking to the ground at the sound nobody ever wants to hear. Gunshots. They were loud, and they were nearby.
“Stop! D-Don’t shoot us!” Mom cried, her hands over her head.
“I…I don’t want to die!” Beatrice squealed. "Stop it!"
Pounding footsteps came from the stairs. They got louder. And louder. And louder. Dad walked into the hall, geared up in all camoflauge, his large assault shotgun perched in his muscular hands. “You scream like that, you make me think Santa Claus came rollin’ down the chimney,” he said. “I was prepared, too.”
***
December 21st – 1:02 P.M.
It was the last day before Georgia Valley Middle School let out for Christmas break. By tradition, that meant it was time for Coach Fargo’s yearly beep test. But this wasn’t like the other beep tests, it was the eighth grade beep test – meaning the whole entire school got to watch you. All the students, all the teachers, and even the lunch ladies and janitors. Every year, they’d pack the gym as full as they could, and have the eighth graders run for as long as they could, until they either quit or just couldn’t go anymore.
And you didn’t want to quit the beep test. Only losers quit the beep test. Only losers didn’t last until the end. And once you were branded a loser at my middle school, it stuck the whole rest of the year.
“Better dead than empty in the head, Arnold!”
“Oofh!”
I fell to the ground, hitting my chest and elbows on the floor of the gym locker room. Clutching my midsection in pain, I rolled over and saw Mikey Hunter standing over me, flanked by his two goons to his left and right. Mikey was my bully since the 5th grade, and one of the most athletic students in the school. He was big, strong, fast, mean, and downright stupid. That’s right, Mikey Hunter was actually supposed to be a tenth grader. He’d also been kicked off of every sports team in the school because of bad sportsmanship, but that’s neither here nor there.
“Can’t wait to see you choke again!” Mikey laughed.
“Yeah, well, uh, not this year!” I said.
I didn’t do so well in the sixth and seventh grade beep tests. It’s not because I can’t run. I love running. To feel the wind rushing past me, to feel my legs soar like there’s no tomorrow; there’s no feeling like it. Not in the whole entire world.
But I was born with a still heart. They started it up, but it kept stopping again and again, and no one knew why. Doctors put me in an incubator, gave me a few hours. Somehow I made it. But my heart problems kept coming back, and I had five heart attacks by age seven. At this point, I hadn’t had any heart problems in years, but it still scared me. I always worried about what would happen if I pushed myself too far. And so I didn’t push myself far. And for the sixth and seventh grade beep tests, I ended up leaving in the first few minutes.
But not today. I was going to beat Mikey Hunter, and prove to the entire school that I wasn’t a loser.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,801 Reviews
Hahahaha! Tigeraye, you know how you posted that pic of all the "Hey Arnold!" episodes you were about to watch? Well, because of that, when I saw that the main character of this story was named "Arnold", I got into my head that this was going to be a "Hey Arnold!" fanfic of some sort. Since I've never watched that show, I also didn't know any better. Fortunately, before getting too far into the story, I googled "Arnold Fastitos" and found that there were no results even remotely related to "Hey Arnold!"...And after finishing this part, I know for sure that this Arnold has nothing to do with that Arnold.
Anyway, when I first started reading this story, it seemed to have a rather sillier, more lighthearted feel to it than the other things I've read by you. However it soon slipped back into your usual style. One thing I really like about your stories (at least the ones I've read so far) is how much attention you pay to medicine and medical problems. That's not something I've seen frequently in stories, but it is something you see frequently in real life. A lot of people have medical issues that they have to deal with. In fact, I'd imagine everyone has at least something wrong medically, even people who seem healthy. I was born deaf in my left ear, and I have mild asthma, but you couldn't guess it just by looking at me.
My only criticism is that I didn't exactly understand what all happened with the guns at the beginning. Do they live in the city? Was it's Arnold's dad who fired off the gun? But then why? And at what? Reading it over again, I suppose it doesn't seem likely that a shooting was taking place nearby (since the whole incident blew over so quickly), but I still don't understand why Arnold's dad would be firing a gun. Maybe add some more detail to the scene or make it a bit longer to clarify.
Other than that...No Arnold! Don't do it! You're going to have another heart attack or something, and it's not going to be worth it at all... TT_TT
Well, I suppose it's extremely important to middle-schoolers to not be considered losers by their class. Since I was homeschooled, my only "classmates" were my brothers and the small, super-nice community of other homeschoolers in our town, so I really don't know what it's like to have those concerns. I do realize, thought, that it's not just frivolous pride driving him. I'm sure middle-schoolers could make this kid's life like a living hell if they decide he's a loser.
thank you for reviewing. This was actually a start to Heartbeat Academy before, but I decided to take another route, and just rewrote another draft of this and turned it into a Christmas story. I don't think I'll be finishing it at least this year because I decided to put my effort into The Gift of Life instead, heheh.
he's just nuts -_-
Different story, but......Toby is inspired to a point by Arnold from Hey Arnold, though...in the way that he's sort of an every child. All the kids in Hey Arnold have their own distinct personalities, some are likeable, others aren't, but Arnold himself is the sort of every kid that anybody can relate to, same with Toby and his ninth grade class. He messes up sometimes, but is usually the one who is left to solve disputes to a point. Toby hasn't been put in this position just yet, but that's where the story is headed to as the fallout of Mrs. Tyler's heart attack is explored.
Hey tigeraye! I'm fang4life101, and I'm new on here! I've really enjoyed reading other people's works and giving them reviews and comments, and now it's your turn!
I really loved the last part, when the character's at school about to do the beep run! I remember doing that when I was still in Middle School! Ha! Brings back hilarious memories!
Then there's the first part. I really liked the use of words and characters, but, honestly, at first, I found it kind of confusing. I mean, I DO understand that this is a Christmas story, and I love the humor and incorporation of Santa and stuff like that, but I just found it kind of confusing. Then the large and sudden transition from the morning waking up to sounds that sound like gunshots, to being at school, ready to beat another kid, Mikey Hunter, in the beep run. It all just happened WAY too fast for my liking.
But other than that, this was a really great piece of writing! It was very well-thought, very funny, and almost seems like a real-life story, and the awareness about the character's heart, and showing that even though you may have been born with medical issues, that can't stop you from doing what you dream, and in this case, he was going to beat another kid at running. Great job! ^0^
thank you for reviewing, I appreciate it.
thanks for reviewing
Mikeys not going to end up being one dimensional though
I'm not saying it's bad, I can name two bullies who were one dimensional that were great fun.
(Draco Malfoy, Ambrose Jakis)
ah, he won't though! I already have him planned out and everything ._.
also don't be afraid of being mean in reviews, if my story is terrible, I'd rather you tell me than pretend it isn't ^^
Hey Tigeraye
Myjaspercat here to drop you a reveiw
First, I see that you are fairly new to YWS so I want to say welcome and if I could give you a hug through the internet I would.
Ok, so this was actually pretty amussing. Especially the first part. I threw in a few suggestions above and a few questions but not many and nothing major. I would say slow down a bit on the transitions but then again it's your work. Good job. Have any questions feel free to ask. Good luck and continue writing.
Thanks
you're welcome. That's why I'm here