The deceitful sun glared through my glasses on that languid summer day, the cool breeze roaring in through the open windows, a wide smile on my face as Lynyrd Skynyrd blasted on the radio. I looked through the mirror at my four kids in the back, and my smile deepened even more. If anyone ever asked me what my life’s greatest achievements were, it wouldn’t be any of the dead bodies I’ve stepped over – it’d be right back there in the seat of that car that no longer exists. Annabelle. Brooke. Tiffany. Max.
But destiny can change in a second. I learned that the hard way the moment the sun went down on that dreadful day. I was crossing the highway just about fifty miles from the place I called my home, where I would soon have to tell the greatest woman I’d ever met that three of her children were dead. Not because of some act of God, not because it was their time. It was because of me.
The truck slammed into my SUV out of nowhere. I never saw it coming. The radio screeched off. Glass shattered from the windshield, piercing and stinging my skin as the muffled screams of my children in the backseat scraped me like jagged knives against my eardrums. Even now I can only think what their last thoughts were as our car spiraled out of control, knowing that they would never get to live full lives. Real lives. Because of me! Because of their father! Every now and then I start to go back to that moment where the smoke overtook my lungs, and the heat became unbearable, and yet all I could think about was those four in the backseat. Their cries turning into whimpers, as I sat there covered in my own sweat and blood. Insensate. Useless. Knowing, just knowing that there had to be something I could have done. Something I could have done to stop them from having to die.
Unlike a free bird, I can’t fly away from my problems. Over the next year, I’m going to hurt people who don’t deserve to be hurt. I’m going to tear apart families that don’t need to be torn. I’m going to disturb things that should never, ever be disturbed.
But it’s all for good reason, right?
Olivia. I’ll see you soon.
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Welll...this is very interesting...and very sad to see...definitely would make for a suuper impactful prologue this one, and its just ahhh...just starting off on one of the worst notes you possibly can...phew.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well...this is certainly a very scary looking start this one, everything is entirely too relaxed and entirely too happy looking for your typical prologue, not to mention that last couple of lines definitely don't make things any better. It looks like this is one of those stories that just might start out with a bit of a tragedy.
Yup, that's not good at all, we're just going to straight up kill three out of four kids, well that's when you know that this is a serious story where people are going to die and bad things are going to start happening right at the first page...oh no...well...it was always clear that things were too good to be true aaaand that last line about it being the protagonist fault is certainly very interesting.
Well, I can't even begin to imagine the kind of emotional turmoil a situation like that would put a man through...but that just can't be anything good at all, well things are certainly off to a very rocky start here, and the description of that accident is strangely beautiful in a horrifying destruction sort of way, and the way you map how the incident slowly begins with that shock and then spreads out towards them lying injured is really nicely done there, it almost shows the thing in slow motion there as it happens, which is creating some awesome but horrifying visuals there.
Well that looks like a man that's about to take out all this sadness and anger at himself out on some poor unsuspecting souls and cause some proper havoc there, as far as you can't quite blame him for a horrendous situation like this....that doesn't bode well for our protagonist here, it looks like he's going to become a sort of villain almost at that point...
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall...looks like this might be a very interesting story, I just have that once concern of perhaps the protagonist not ending up as a very likable character....or perhaps this isn't even the protagonist, its hard to judge from a prologue..xD....but ehh...that's all I gotta say here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Woah. I'm not quite sure if I can properly review this, because damn. It was good. I don't think I've ever been as intrigued by a prologue before. The writing, the descriptions, the father's thoughts- all of it was extremely well done. The father already seems like a sinister character, and to see how and why he becomes a serial killer will be interesting to say the least. And all this paired with your plot, well, let's just say that I honestly can't wait for the first chapter.
Here's Craz with a review~
Grammar Stuffs:
Overall:
I love this. The descriptions are beautiful, the flow is smooth and gliding, and I'm pulled in. You gave just enough to provide a hook and left the rest unknown to leave the readers wondering and wanting to read more. There aren't a whole lot of errors, which is a blessing. The only thing I'll say is that I think that if the crash was that severe then it would be highly probable that him, if not most of his children, would be knocked out (airbags also are prone to knocking people out, if the crash itself hadn't done so). Just a thought.
And also, I hope that you've given the father some motive. I love analyzing the thought processes of serial killers. It also looks like he's been killing regularly beforehand, correct? That would mean that it isn't the crash that triggers his killing spree. Maybe it doesn't necessarily need to be a motive, but maybe motive enough for him; maybe it's boredom that he started killing, and the car crash just triggers it more intensely, so now he's killing to wash the blood of his family away with the blood of other innocents?
Either way, I look forward to seeing the first chapter~!