z

Young Writers Society



Up!

by thunder_dude7


Well, I promised a fun song was coming next after I wrote "Fly", and I mostly kept my promise. Certainly no "Red High Heels", but the chorus is quick and cool. If only I could record this...

I think I've been too down lately,
Never saw the better side.
At any given time,
I could've broken down and cried.
But now I'm straying from that path,
And giving myself room to fly,
'Cause now it's time to break away,
Get up there and touch the sky.
'Cause I'm-

Only going up, up, up!
Only going up, up, up!
Only going up, up, up from here!

Every time I walk down the street,
You can see it in my eyes.
I'm won't look down, nothing but up,
And now I'm gonna win the prize.
You think you can keep me down,
Well, you're in for a big surprise.
I'll just tell you, stay where you are,
And don't fool me with some disguise,
'Cause-

I'm only going up, up, up!
Only going up, up, up!
Only going up, up, up from here!

Now I glide along,
Sometimes glancing down,
But no, I won't go there,
'Cause then I surely will be bound,

So now I'm only going up, up, up!
Only going up, up, up!
Only going up, up, up from here!

Yeah!
Only up!
Just up!

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Wed Jul 30, 2008 10:02 pm
chaplin90 says...



Very nice I really like those lyrics and I would love to hear it as a song. Hard to fault it as it seems very meaningful and highly interesting, very talented in my opinion well done.




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Wed Jul 30, 2008 6:25 pm
clueless wrote a review...



wow, i've read all the lyrics to your songs... and now i really want to hear how they sound!!!! maybe someday when you're a famous song-writer. keep writing. :smt109




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Tue Jul 01, 2008 4:55 pm
Kalliope wrote a review...



Hi there!

Um actually I was reminded of the song Up! by Shania Twain. The chorus and the title are somewhat similar, but onto this song.

This is a good energy song that basically makes you want to kick off and fly yourself, so it's good for a musical, because it conveys the energy well, so yay for that.

Chorus

Only going up, up, up!
Only going up, up, up!
Only going up, up, up from here!


This is very simple, so I'd make sure you find an interesting tune to go with it to avoid boring the audience. Other than that simple is good, because it's memorable. This falls and rises with the music.

Rhyming

What I noticed here is that the rhyming sounds somewhat forced in places, not necessarily because of the words you chose to rhyme, but because the lines don't seem to be connected enough in meaning. Means they sound more like they've been put together that way because they rhyme and not because the bring across your point. Not entirely, of course, not even close to that, but a bit, so I thought I'd point it out.

I think I've been too down lately,
Never saw the better side.
At any given time,
I could've broken down and cried.
But now I'm straying from that path,
And giving myself room to fly,
'Cause now it's time to break away,
Get up there and touch the sky.
'Cause I'm-


Okay fly and sky is something that's been done a bazillion times before and so easy to guess, that it's just become boring. I suspect you're writing a song about not only metaphorical flying, so this would be words that are connected to the topic and all, however I would still try to avoid them.

While I really like the second line of this verse I think you could re-do the line with the broken down and cried thing. It's just been done way too often. I could easily name ten songs with that in them.
Same goes for break away.

I think my main problem with those lines and some of the other lines throughout the song is that I don't know what they refer to. Try to give us a little ore of an idea what you're escaping from and I'll like it.

Basically I have similar issues with the rest. But other than that and I'm sure you'll find a solution [work on it a bit more] I liked it.

Nice job!

Feel free to PM me with any questions or if you need any help.

All the best,
~Kalliope




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Sat Jun 28, 2008 3:20 am
thunder_dude7 says...



Hmm... never heard a song that does this. I'll look up the Christina Agulara song, though.

Maybe I'll just replace the bridge with an instrumental break. That might be a good idea.

This is actually for the musical I'm starting to write. It's going to be the first and last song preformed.




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Sat Jun 28, 2008 3:14 am
chocoholic wrote a review...



This was cool. It's nice to see a light, happy sung here for one, because most aren't. Simple tune and I got it immediately. This song kind of reminded me of Keep On Singin' My Song by Christina Aguilera.

Only going up, up, up!
Only going up, up, up!
Only going up, up, up from here!


I gave the chorus the same tune as some song I've heard, but can't remember the name of. I think it does, Hot, hot, hot, or something like that.

Now I glide along,
Sometimes glancing down,
But no, I won't go there,
'Cause then I surely will be bound,


I didn't really like this bit, and I think the song would be better off without it.

Great job!





I love her dearly, but I can’t live with her for a day without feeling my whole life is wasting away.
— Miss Kenton, The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro