Just because

Hi!
Okay, first up: I love your poem! I can relate to it really easily, and so can heaps of other people. So many people judge others far too quickly and make assumptions based on the way they act at first sight. The message that this poem portrays should really be shown to everyone alive. It's a great thing to write about! You are who you are, I am who I am and it can't be helped. You showed this message really clearly, in such a simple way. Effective simplicity is often hard to achieve, so cheers!
I do have a couple of thing to pick at, though. First of all, the poem might be easier to read if you separate it into stanzas, each starting with the line “Just because I'm shy”. It would make that line stand out even more, like AustereMelodies said. The last line would be more effective standing on its own.
Also, with “Doesn't mean I don't have a heart”, it might flow better it you said, “Doesn't mean I have no heart”. The same goes for the line “Doesn't mean that I can't play fair”, if you took the 'that' out of it.

I think that's really all I can say. Overall, it's awesome! I like it when poems are simple but emotionally confronting like that. Keep writing!

~Dorsia~

Hello, thepolarbearleague!

I really liked your poem, and being someone who can be really shy myself -- more often than not -- I could relate completely! I thought that the tone of this piece perfectly exemplified the frustration that every shy person has probably felt at one time or another. And to add, it was simple, and yet achieved so much! It is really hard to do that and overall, I thought it was very well done!

My only critique is that I wish you would have separated this into stanzas. For example, after the line,

"Doesn't mean I don't have a heart,"

I think the poem would be improved if you were to separate the next line ("Just because I'm shy") from the last. It would make that line -- which I believe is a strong line in and of itself -- stand out all that much more, and highlight the lines after it. Also, the last line of this poem would be very impactful if it were standing alone, as well. As it is, I feel as though it simply blends too much into the poem, and though it is rather forceful, it would be much more impactful as its own separate line.

Otherwise, I don't really have anything else to add! I enjoyed the repetition that you used throughout and I applaud the forcefulness that this poem achieves with such simplicity. Keep writing! I can't wait to read more of your work!

- AustereMelodies

Hello Mate! I really like this poem since it shows the person telling the reader, just because I'm shy doesn't mean I can't make friends; also its shows how in life everyone holds a shyness against themselves as if its a crime.

It tells a story, in a sense, if that makes sense anyway, a person is shy and wants to make friend but can't since he is put down cuz of his shyness. I hope to read more from you and one day write as good as the people who write poems on this site. Also I love to read more from you or stories that you write (sorry for rambling on)
From the drum that talks,
OneThousandDrums

Hello there! CaptainSaltWater here with a review for you!

I really like your poem! It really proves a point. My only problem though is that on every line you started with a capital letter, ended the line, started a new line with a capital letter. Here is an example.


Just because I’m shy

Doesn’t mean I can’t make friends


Instead of that, what I would do is this.


Just because I’m shy,

doesn’t mean I can’t make friends.


You can do that or something like that in other areas of the poem to improve it, in my opinion. Otherwise, great job! Your rhyme scheme is kind of out of whack. You have it like an acbb pattern and then an abbc pattern. You have to stick to one rhyme scheme pattern. Other than those nitpicks, great job! I would like to see more of your works! Don't give up and always write, thepolarbearleague!

-CaptainSaltWater

P.S., Happy review day!

I really like the way you have put your words, try to formulate them into paragraphs, it would sound better