Even though I'm right sometimes
I know how to
Walk fine lines
Even though I may break through
The seeds I plant
Shake what's true
So I may seem wise
I may seem just
But I could break
All your trust
And You think me brave
You think me true
But I can fool
A heart like you
Well every now and again
I say something
That could win
But I take pride
In a worthless prize
Deep down I want a new life
But I act this "wise"
I act this "just"
And with sly words
I'll break your trust
Plus I'm not that brave
I'm not that true
A heart like mine
Is just a fool
Thinking back upon my life
I find I made
Only strife
I appeal to forgiveness
"Wash away
My stupidness"
Please Make me wise
Make me just
And Build up in me
A sense of trust
Wanna Overcome me
Be brave and true
Cause A heart like mine
Just longs for you
A heart like mine
Says God thank you
Cause Now I'm wise
Now I'm just
With my life
I'll gain your trust
And I don't need brave
Cause now I'm true
Thanks to my God
. . . Lord my heart longs for you . . .
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Okay, hey there. Oooh! I know you! I've reviewed for you before. Hehe. Okay. Done with my outburst.
So, I liked this a lot. I think Nate has some fantastic points. Of course...he always does. XD.
No, but really. I don't get the whole "strife" thing, being as it sounds very much so forced. And Nate is also correct on the aspect that you just can't hop into being wise without a stanza introducing us to how so, or something.
But, I think this was very nice and I would buy it. Probably be one of my favorite religious songs, it has oppurtunity.
Nice job.
-Mizz
Hey i like how the sentences( i call them sentences but you could say lines) are short. I didn't really get the confusement. I love this bit
There's just something about it, whether it be the rhyming pattern or what i don't know i just think its excellent. I also like how, with that part, you change it but still have the same base. e.g it changes from TO and so on i think thats great. Well doneI think an explaining note of why you wrote this and what it means to you would help a lot. Often times, lyrics don't make sense without some context and context would definitely help out here.
Some parts of it sound very awkward. The ninth stanza in particular ("I find I made/ Only strife") sounds forced. The interrupting of the lines leads to an interruption in the rhythm.
There's also an odd transition at the end. You go from asking for wisdom and bravery, then jump right to having both. This is confusing for two reasons. One, just because it's a random jump. Usually there is at least a stanza in between talking about how years have past and now you're wiser.
But two, it doesn't make sense in the context of the lyrics. Throughout our lives, we will always be asking for wisdom and bravery and strength through God. One is never wise enough or brave enough; we just get wiser and braver.