Selling Out

Heya, TheColoroftheSky! I'm here for YET ANOTHER review! FEEL LUCKY- I'M OUT OF CAFFEINE. Anyway- to the review!
Well, to start off I would say that I really liked this poem- but I do see where it could be improved a bit!
To the good points like usual!
To start off the imagery, as usual.. It's amazing! You really capture what you're wanting to say in a way that is breathtaking in more of your stuff! I really enjoy it! Thank you!
Plus the idea that you had to start out with, combined with the imagery.. I think this is exactly what you wanted to portray, so props for that man! Really good job!
Now, with every good comes the bad, the nitpicks, the errors, the flaws, or whatever.
The first thing, as I've said- CAPITALIZATION. Bruh, come on. Seriously. WORK WORK WORK. You can do eht man! I believe in you! It's just a shift key!
The next thing I found to my disliking was this-
"This home,

has a shattered glass heart,

a child broke,

and shamefully brushed under the rug.

But hey!

In this economy,

maybe someone will find a home

within the unsteady life in the walls."
It switches from a poem that I find somewhat depressing to something I should laugh at? I'm not exactly sure why the change- I mean it's good, but unusual. I think it's a bit different from the rest of the poem, and maybe you should try changing it to something that fits it.. But that's probably just my sleep deprived brain making too much out of it.
Anyway- yeah. You're extremely good and I feel like I'm just repeating the same thing throughout all of your poems. But anyway-"Repetition impresses fact upon dull minds." Remember that and keep working.
Keep doing what you're doing and keep on keeping on.
Your friend- Matthew Casanova Aaron.

Hey!

I really really reaaaallllyy liked this poem but I do see room for improvement. First I wanted to compliment your work. I really love this metaphor and it just reminds me of a person. People tend to keep smiles on their faces and to wear makeup to make them look prettier but that doesn't hide whatever is going on behind that. I also really like how the ending was sort of optimistic but also sarcastic.

Now onto the improvement. I see varies commas that don't really need to be there. I mean I used to be comma crazy and sometimes that person comes out in me (like when writing essays) SSOOO MANY COMMAS haahha i can't stop. But try reading this out loud and pausing for 2 seconds at every comma. If it sounds weird then it probably doesn't need to be there. My other critique is stanzas. I'm not saying that every poem needs to have stanzas but while reading your poem I did feel like there needed to be a break between some lines. For example, I think there should be a break right before "But hey!"

Hope I helped,
Alice (sorry this was my first review in a loooooonng time. so it's probably not the best. I'm also typing this with wet nails so there is probably bad spelling and weird grammar)

Hey, Godly here for a review and Happy review day!

I love this so much! Whilst there are improvements - that I will get to later - I want to look at what I love about this first!

I love how you push the faults in economy - how if something happens to hurt the buisness it is quickly covered no matter how awful it is. I also like how you closely focus on the retailing of houses side of things as it is quite a corrupt business that has to be revealed. Anything can be covered with a painting.

By making the poem start off in first person you make it more impact full when the story rings more truthful and personal. The use of free verse shows a more discussion like attitude as if you are disclosing some secrets. That being said, this poem would also be really good if it rhymed as you could break the rythm to bring out important details.

Overall there isn't much to improve on, just making it flow more and maybe altering some descriptions to make it shinier! Love this idea! You are awesome at this and as always - keep writing!

All the best,
Godly

Wow. This was something else. I was really surprised where this went. I thought you had a great idea and I was worried that you wouldn't be able to execute it well. I was pleasantly surprised.

I think you need to work out the first few lines into something more interesting. They are what led me to think this poem was a dud, which it isn't. So the first few need a little help. Also, you should really play the title. Selling Out. So you're selling out your broken mind and just giving it away because you're done and think you're worth nothing (Which isn't true, you are worth everything, btw, the world to some)

I liked the way you went with this but would cut the whole haunted part and replace it with the house nearing condemnation because of it's foundation and it's unsteady walls and roof. It has no support and is full of danger.

I think this could be great. I love the idea and the metaphors. You did great. Let me know if you edit it at all.

EverWinter