Working Title - page 6

[Hi guys. Could really use some help with this. This is just an exerpt from my project; about 5 pages in. I would really like to know whether the actual telling of the story is detailed enough and makes sense. Thanks a lot for your time]


It seemed that hours walking had taken its toll on both man and animal, and both eventually fell asleep at the foot of the mountain. The day grew on like it had yesterday, and daytime animals crawled, walked and flew back to their homes. Overhead, as the man slept, a single magpie fluttered into view on the horizon and continued for some time in the direction of the man. As it neared, the bird descended and landed gracefully next to the sleeping dog.

The magpie made a slight rustling as it hopped from one leg to another through the grass. In the distance, came a cold, savage bark. The man and his canine companion woke suddenly. The black dog stood. It seemed rigid and tense after the foreign bark in the distance. Hopping still, the magpie neared the dog. There was an agitated growl from the animal, and sharp white teeth declared their menacing presence. The black dog barked. The magpie took flight, its long tail sweeping the ground as it rose. Then there came another unnerving bark in the distance.

The man now stood. Quickly. He put his hand to his forehead to block out the light from the setting sun. There were figures in the distance; four men. The dog must have been small because he couldn't see it with them. He could hear something though, a steady rustling becoming louder – and louder. He looked back on the four men. They hadn't moved. And louder. The man looked around. And louder. And louder. The black dog turned. It's ears were erect. Its teeth stood out as it barked violently at its opponent: a white boxer dog, its vicious red eyes dominant against its demonic white body. The black hound stood its ground, but the boxer had only eyes for the man. The white dog advanced slowly, like a spider, confidently intimidating its prey.

With a deathly growl, the demon leapt for the man, but not before the black dog jumped forth to clamp its teeth around the monster's neck. Both animals fell to the ground. They scratched with their feet and bit with their strong jaws. The man looked towards the sunset again; the men were now much closer. The man could see three terrible spikes; a pitchfork, assuming its place in the serpent's hands. The dogs continued to grapple on the ground, their bodies damp with blood and their mouths foamed with spit. But neither would give in. The man was suddenly riddled with fear; these men were after him! He could not move, not even to help his companion. He was helpless.

The men were almost there; they were running, the pitchfork bobbing up and down with each step. The sun had descended a lot in the few minutes, and now cast a dramatic red haze over the sky, landscape and everything in it. The dogs continued to to fight, with one dog conquering, before the roles swapped. There was a break in the battle, and both dogs ceased the opportunity to stand up, although shaking. They faced off again, both snarling. They lunged for each other, the impact sending both bloody heads facing upwards, their eye-sight failing as the red sunlight drowned their eyes. The men were so close now; they stopped running, and stood on the other side of the battle ground.

The white demon fiercely bit the face of the black hound, making it yelp and stagger back. But it wasn't over yet. The man's companion leapt forward again, sinking its teeth deep into the opponent’s neck, bursting an artery that ran through it. The white dog still stood but had stopped moving; it shook violently, before falling to the ground. It's eyes were still open, but there was no life left in them. Limping back, the black hound allowed the man to stroke its head. Streaks of blood appeared on the man's hands.

“What do you want?” the man shouted to the group in front of him.

“Are you John Fisher?” came a sharp reply. The man still couldn't see their faces due to the sunlight

“What of it?” John replied. He knew what they wanted, but his heart still jolted as his name was spoken.

“You know what we want. You know what you've done,” another man said, he spoke very nasally. John heard three of the men walk from where they were to surround him; his senses had been augmented in wake of the situation.

“You'll not take me!” John said sternly, the dog lying down on the ground, licking its wounds.

“John, you murdered her. You know what the consequences are.”

“I can promise you, I never killed nobody.”

“We have reason to believe different...Come on, lads, let's take him. Kill the dog.”

There was a flurry from behind him. Two men rushed forward and grabbed John by the arms. A third ran forward with his pitchfork, and sent it thumping down into the dog.

“No!” John screamed. But it was too late, with another violent plummet, the dog's yelping and painful pants were no more. “You animals!” he screamed, tears running down his face.