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I have to say, I really liked this poem! One of my favourite parts was:
I love how you portray tranquility in such a beautiful way, and how I can see it, and feel it. My problem often is that I rush through my poems, and forget to show the reader where she/he is and what it is that they're seeing. It's like I'm showing them a movie in fast forward, and the feeling I'm trying to express just gets lost. But with your poem, it's like you're winding the motion down, taking the time to really paint the pictures, to let the reader hear the sounds of the bamboo leaves in the wind, and to show the way the leaves and the bamboo move. I found that very beautiful, and I totally got immersed into the picture you painted.
I also liked:
This adds beautifully to the feeling of tranquility you've built up before, and again, you're taking your time instead of rushing. Your word choice is also very precise, I think. You don't use a lot of words, but the words that you do use are very effective and fitting. Yup, you did an amazing job!
Hm, I do have a bit of critique as well though. The next line of your poem is: [qoute]The rich dirt sprays
my face."[\quote]
I love that you added the rich, because it's not just soil, but rich soil. So that was good
This part does well in building up tension, but I wonder if it didn't come a bit too soon. At first there was this feeling of tranquility, the bamboo leaves rustling and a peaceful panda gently pawing at the soil, and then BOOOM!! A woodworker comes, ready to end the life of this innocent bamboo and turn it into cutlery. Haha, ok, I'm making this very dramatic now
Very good job on your poem, and I think I'll copy the first part into my notebook, because I just adore your word choice and the way you paint the pictures. (I'll include your name though, don't worry, not plagiarizing here
Hello!!
This was an interesting concept. I have to admit, I never, ever would have thought of it. But you did, and that's pretty awesome. I'm not sure you intended it to be funny, but that's how I read it.
A few notes though, of course. You should keep your spacing consistent through the poem. It takes away from it. And the second to last line feels a little weird. I would take out 'of the Earth,' and just combine the rest of it and the last line. But that's up to you.
All in all, I enjoyed it. It just needs a little cleaning up.
Interesting poem. I like how you used personification to describe the bamboo, using a first person point of view. However, I think it would have been more powerful if you left out the word "bamboo" in the first line of the poem and just said "my leaves." This alludes to the fact that it's talking about bamboo, but isn't so direct about it. Personally, I think it could flow a little better, but that might be just me. I like the imagery that you use throughout, as well as your vocabulary.
Overall, cute and unique poem.
Thanks,
~Joelsweet
(PS- By no means am I a professional poet, haha)