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140,138 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
I really liked this poem. It had a lot of description that really put me into the poem itself. Thanks for writing this
The only thing I would change is the amount of description. I didn't exactly love how much it had. In my opinion, it needs just a bit less of the descriptions.
Other than that, I loved it.
Sincerely,
-BelleTheWriter
Hey there, @tfioslove! Nice to see a fresh piece of poetry ready to be review! Hopefully, my review will be helpful in a way that will improve your writing. ^_^
I love how just by reading the first line here, that this is standing up to its title. I thought the first line was probably the most powerful over the whole poem. That being said, try to push the power throughout the poem, as it looked like it was getting less and less strong in my opinion. Just comparing the first line and the last (or second to last), I'm really drawn to the beginning rather than the end.
The way you interpreted the concept of night, stars, the sky, moon, and so on, was fantastic. You have a great way of expressing the feelings of everything in just simple but deep words. I wish I had that gift, to be honest, though mine isn't as good as yours.
Short and small this may seem, it is beautiful and I love the idea you bring off with this - sadness, beauty, night. It all goes very well together, especially the way you tie things to one.
Okay, so this is the one line that I seemed to have some trouble with. It doesn't appear to fit along with the rest of the poem, as it feels choppy and looks like it was being told, not shown. The "t" in the could also be capitalized, because there was a period previously. This goes for the line after. So instead, I would say something along the lines of:
like loneliness in the night sky.
Or something of that idea. The reader, from that, instantly gets an image in there mind, and can relate to the writing. I'm not saying that you have to change it, but if you'd like, I gave you an idea above. Of course, though, please think of your own! Yours would definitely be more creative than mine.
Overall, I thought this was a very deeply sent message, quite beautiful to admit. The ending was very solemn, which I thought was certainly a nice touch to the complete aspect of the poem.
Well, I think that is all I have to say! If you have any questions, feel free to message me anytime regarding this review/poem. Thanks!
~Sunset
I can tell by the setting that this poem is very dark in nature and resembles night. I like how the poem is played out, and I think that you could do a bit better for length. I can definitely tell that this was probably a real life experience that you experienced on your own that you just wanted to write a poem on. Whatever the case, I enjoyed your unique taste for the night sky.
Wow...Nice job. I'm not really big into poetry, for the most part, and I haven't written much of it outside of prophecies for my fantasy stories, but this was really nice. The way you symbolize loneliness with the metaphors of the stars really makes it come to life. Keep on writing!