If you live long enough, you'll make mistakes. But if you learn from them, you'll be a better person. It's how you handle adversity, not how it affects you. The main thing is never quit, never quit, never quit.
William J Clinton
“After being in first place on the final lap, he trips with less then 100m to go and limps across the finish line in last place.”
I slammed the door shut. All the emotions that had been building up during the past two weeks now had the opportunity to be released. All the effort, all the agonizing training that I put myself through for this race, had failed.
I had lost.
I just wanted curl up into a ball, desperately hoping that this was just a dream and that I would wake up without a memory of this.
That is not how life works; you can’t just press the reset button. You just have to deal with it.
I needed space, I needed an escape.
I started running,
I had to keep running. Tears stung my eyes, but I kept running. Cars streamed past me, leaving me with the smell of burnt rubber and petrol that made my stomach curl. I didn’t care I just wanted to run. I needed to run. My legs pumped themselves into the asphalt and with each step making me stronger, making me feel alive. My arms pulsated from side to side, faster and faster with each breath I took. I kept my blistering pace going, my heart beating faster and faster, the sound thundering around my head.
Thump! Thump! Thump! Thump!
Sweat started to pour down the back of my neck and on my forehead. All the agony, all the worry and all the anger that had consumed me, they were now my energy.
Why did I have to trip on the final lap?
I rounded the corner and went up the hill. I ran into puddles and into mud, my shoes now covered in wet grime. My legs were sprayed in thick mud, plodded on up the hill. My lips, now cracked and dry, made each swallow a more challenging proposition.
I was first. I had in in my grasp…
All the thoughts came back to me now. I couldn’t hide from my pain forever. I didn’t win the race. I didn't even place! I had wanted it badly, so badly! I had imagined myself on the podium, waiting for a medal to be placed on my neck. I had imagined the medal, the cool metal pressing against my skin. Now I would just have to keep imagining it. I sat down, my sweaty head in my hands. I tussled my hair, feeling the sweat and grime that had lodged itself there. The tears now presented themselves, streaming down my face wiping the filth that had cemented itself on my cheeks. The reality of my situation sunk in, the fire that had burned within me when I was running, died. I couldn’t bring myself to go back to the house, not just yet.
Snap out of it, you can’t just give up like this. You need to fight, don't let your demons win. This was just a race, pick yourself up and keep fighting.
I looked around and saw how wrecked I was. The mud on my legs was starting to harden, my eyes burning from all of the tears that I had conjured. My leg was now crimson with blood and the graze that had happened during the race, was now throbbing angrily.
I sat back and laughed.
Laughed how cruel life could be, laughed at how one small mistake could get me into this position. Laughed at how stupid I was. I hadn’t laughed since I had started training for this race. I forgot how good it felt. I had forgotten how good it was to not give a damn about the world. I stood up, ignoring the screams of agony from my bleeding knee. I picked myself up and walked back down the hill...
Never give up. Today is hard, tomorrow will be worse, but the day after tomorrow will be sunshine.
Jack Ma
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Great job Tennishead! Moral of your story was great, emotions were vivid and this was really relatable, as everyone has been close to success but then experienced failure. It was really relatable for me personally as I am a runner and once I was due to medal but then got passed by like six people in the last 400!
Ok, about the work, except for a few already mentioned spelling errors I can't find anything! I really liked how you used quotes at the beginning and the end. I also liked how you use the italics as him thinking and I especially enjoyed how he thought "Snap out of it, you can’t just give up like this. You need to fight, don't let your demons win." It made me think of Demons by Imagine Dragons which is one of my favorite songs!
Great great great job and continue writing because you are super talented, especially for 15.
-Zanda
Heya tennis head,
Pretzelsing here for a review.I really liked the morel of your sorry but I think that you could work on some things: Let's begin the review shall we?
Who was saying this? I first I thought that it was the boy but then I realized the the boy uses first POV. So maybe is it an announcer? You should just make that clear.
Here would be a good place to mention the boy's name so that the readers can refer to him easier. Instead of he write the name.
What are those emotions going on on the boy's mind and heart? Describe them to me, because I know expectantly how he feels but I don't know for sure because you didn't say which exact ones.
I won't point out every example but you really do have a lot of repetition going in your story. It's okay to have some but in this one paragraph you have to much and you need to cut back.
Notice all the italics that are sliding your the repetition. It's get boring
and annoyingto read this paragraph.Obviously your don't have to repeat this twice it's just not necessary so I would cut out the second phase.
Also I think that you could really develop your setting and describe it amazingly! Where is this boy running, in the middle of a jungle forest, busy city road, outside in his front yard. Where exactly is he? I have no idea from what I read here and your can give subtle details or flat out tell and describe to us exactly where this is taking place. You could use your five senses or his memory to aid you in doing this. Remember to that your can only describe what the character sees from their POV. So if the character is not neat how house at all, your can't describe that because he isn't physically near.
I like how it ended but when he laughed you could show him maybe tilting his head back and opening his mouth where a giggle emerged out something like that. How did he laugh? You can describe our with this moment!
Overall this piece had a lot of potential if it is edited and worked on. I hope that this review helps you improve your writing and I encourage your ad always to keep on writing!
Hi Pretzelsing,
Thanks for the detailed review. I tried to use repetition to emphasize the character's frame of mind, but I may have overdone it. I definitely could also develop the setting more.
Thanks again for the tips, I will use them!
This story is fantastic. It is so detailed and has so much emotion. I like how in the beginning you start with a quote and end with one to make a sharp point. I didn't see any mistakes at all. I really liked how after each paragraph or so you had the sentence or two in italics for thought, and it also emphasized your point very well. I also liked the relatable topic. It was a really good story.
Keep writing
~Fire
Thanks Firelight!
I thought this was a brilliant short story. I truly enjoyed reading it. This is a story that everyone, no matter how old they are can relate to. Everyone has failed at some point in their life, its how we get back up on our feet and learn from our failures that is the most important part and how it defines us as a person.
A few spelling mistakes here and there. Like I think you meant to say 'I had forgotten how good it was' not 'had good it was'. Besides that, and a few other choices of words you have to change, I don't see anything wrong with this piece of work.
Keep up the good writing. Cheers !!
Thanks Yizhongt, I definitely should have proofread my work more thoroughly.
Another typo, pointing*
You can go back and edit your work. Just view it then click the white 'edit work' button on the right.
I know, I just fixing a typo in one of my comments!
Hello there. I thought that this was a really great short story, and it conveyed the feeling of losing something when you were so close really well. That is a common feeling, and I can connect to the narrator really well.
Just a few things I noticed, such as in "I tussled me hair", I'm pretty sure you wanted to use "my" there instead.
Also, in "waiting for a medal to be place on my neck." I'm sure you meant to use "placed". And in the sentence "reality sunk in" I think you should have used "sank" instead.
As I said, I really enjoyed it and there were only those few errors. Great job!
Thanks Falconer for point them out! Typos are so annoying!