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The Throne I Chose

by teamwsmf


I am in a room, surrounded by the void of possibility.
At this point, I know not who I am.
It does not matter, for I am but a canvas of choices.
For each choice I make, a splash of color and chance flings itself upon me.
For each regret I have, the backdrop is painted in grey's and blacks.
In the end, I am but a canvas.

I return my focus to the room, noticing the pillars of attention focused on the three seats rising from the ground.
In front of me lie three Thrones, each more glorious and terrible than the last.

First, I see a Throne of Brass and Leather.
The leather is finely upholstered, and stuffed with cotton to comfort whoever sits upon it.
And yet, I can see bits of brass sticking out from the seat. They will always be there, causing minor pains to whoever so sits upon it.
The brass spikes move and change in the seat, making them impossible to avoid, and impossible to predict.
This is the Throne of Work and Pain.

Next, I see a Throne of Silver and Oak.
The oaken wood makes up the majority of the Throne, embossed with images of lives that should have been.
The silver is pressed into the arms of the Throne, giving the impression of nobility without anyone noticing what lies underneath.
This is the Throne of Ambition and Loss.

Finally, I see a Throne of Gold and Bones.
It is ironic that the most regal of Thrones is built upon the backs of those who worked in futility to obtain a throne of their own.
The gold is beautiful, yes, but at what cost did the gold come at?
This is the Throne of True Royalty.

Eventually, I make my choice.
My life will be painted with colors of the truest gold and most glorious blood.
My name begins to flow into my mind.
Arthur Pendragon. I suppose this name will do.

I am but a canvas, painted upon with only the finest colors.
And yet, if that is so, why is my background built upon the greatest of regrets?
I suppose I will find out when I begin living.


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31 Reviews


Points: 91
Reviews: 31

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Sat Jun 08, 2019 1:05 am
ToxicAnglerFish wrote a review...



I really like the ideas and themes behind this poem and how they discuss how the higher you get on your metaphorical "throne", the more you must be willing to sacrifice to earn your place. I also like how the person within their room is contemplating their choices in life and how there are different places of the monarchy in society and in life. But there are some criticisms I have for this poem. I feel like this poem doesn't really have a flow to it but more of someone just talking to themselves, unless this a free verse poem where you don't really have to have too much of a flow or follow rules this poem feels broken. Also, I think you should try to experiment with more unique and less-used words to make your poem sound more powerful, emotional, mature, and overall more well-written. I recommend to go back and edit this since when I did that with a writing piece I had a few months back recently I ended up greatly improving it and making it much higher quality.




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Wed Jun 05, 2019 3:00 am
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xJade wrote a review...



Wesh! So this is an OK poem. The flow is a bit off and your word choice could be better. I think you over-use phrases but I like your stye. Your writing though, it feels cramped, like you're trying to fit too much into a paragraph. I used to be like that. I feel you ask too many questions in it, but I see why. OVERALL: This was great so keep up the good work. Those were just my personal style suggestions.

-Jade




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Tue Jun 04, 2019 7:23 am
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brookeallo wrote a review...



Hi, I'm here to review this piece of work to the best of my ability. I have to say that it is a very interesting and a rare format of poetry that I don't seem much on here. It is very good and the imagery is beyond amazing. Every stanza flows into the other just like the lines do forming an amazing poem. The overall message/ meaning is easy and clear to recieve and understand. Interpreting this poem can be different for all different people but it is one that everyone can take and connect to themselves in a way. SO you mention the name Arthur Pendragon. I'm guessing your are reffering to the king Arthur Pendragon of Camelot from Merlin and also the Seven Deadly sins. I love that character so much and I could see how that relates to him. I over all love this poem and think that it is so unique and special. Thanks for writing and I hope to see more work from you soon.




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Mon Jun 03, 2019 12:03 am
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Morrigan wrote a review...



Hi there teamwsmf, Morri here to review your poem.

Here is my honest opinion. It's filled with good intentions.

Let's start with the beginning. Everything you say in the first stanza can be summarized into one line. The lines fold over on themselves, and it really makes for an uninteresting start. I'm also not a big fan of the fact that you chose to have a canvas as a symbol here, when the rest of your symbols are based on thrones. Honestly, this poem would move along better if you did away with the first stanza and dove straight into the thrones. There's no need for us to know the narrator is in a void. We can assume that it's all a metaphor because of how you describe the thrones. Have a little faith in the reader. We can infer what you're talking about.

This second mini-stanza can be replaced with

Three seats rise from the ground.
This is descriptive enough. The main problem with this piece is that it's wordy. Save all those extra words for prose! While there are different styles of poetry, elegance is a common theme among them. Wordiness and elegance like to snarl at each other from across the room.

The leather is finely upholstered, and stuffed with cotton to comfort whoever sits upon it.
Instead of "finely," describe to us what you see as fine. Is it cow leather? Is it goat leather? Is it light, is it dark? Dyed red? Adverbs like "finely" tell us how, but they don't really get us there. Another thing about this line is the cotton part. We know what a cushion's function is. Again, trust the reader and take out this part.
Something I wasn't really understanding about your vision here is the brass parts beneath the cushion. I think it might be a cool idea to say that the cushion is filled with bits of brass-- that way you really can't predict what's going to be comfortable. Or make an opposite throne. The only things that are comfy leather are the parts you don't sit on. Just a thought.

Of the other two thrones I'll only reiterate what I've said before. This is wordy, and more prose than poem. A way to help this is to streamline your poem. Take out all unneeded words (and I mean anything that doesn't directly work in making the sentence function), change verbs and adjectives to illustrate the concept better with fewer words, and finally add some back in if you couldn't find a way to illustrate by improving word choice. Let me show you how it works with one of your stanzas.

Next, I see a Throne of Silver and Oak.
The oaken wood makes up the majority of the Throne, embossed with images of lives that should have been.
The silver is pressed into the arms of the Throne, giving the impression of nobility without anyone noticing what lies underneath.
This is the Throne of Ambition and Loss.
That's the original. Let's take out everything unneeded and select some stronger words.

I see a Throne of Silver and Oak.
The wood supports the Throne, embossed with lives unlived.
Silver shines from the arms of the Throne, indicating nobility, but hiding the truth.
This is the Throne of Ambition and Loss.


Obviously, you're the author, so you can find your own way to do it. This is just an example. But this is much cleaner, and I wanted to show you that you can preserve meaning with fewer words and increased elegance.

The last stanza is just as useful as the first one. I don't understand why the narrator is questioning his own choice when he seems so confident in the previous stanza. I'd get rid of it to form a more cohesive poem.

The last thing I'll say is that I wish the narrator had been named earlier in the poem. King Arthur was a cool dude, and I think it might benefit the poem if you introduced him as such. Perhaps the lines
My name begins to flow into my mind.
Arthur Pendragon. I suppose this name will do.
would do better if they were at the very beginning of the poem, as if in thought. Personally, I think it's a little weird and borderline cheesy to have Arthur name himself. Honestly, though, I just want more about Arthur himself. I love that stuff. I'm a medieval literature nerd.

Overall, this needs a bit of work to really satisfy as a poem, but it does have potential. I see what you're doing and I appreciate the sentiment. If you have any questions, or would like me to review your next draft, please feel free to message me!

I hope that you find this review useful! Keep writing, and don't forget to keep YWSing!




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Sun Jun 02, 2019 5:14 pm
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demoncat wrote a review...



Hello im demoncat here reviewing.

I really love the point of these thrones. and the way you described them is fantastic. You really he
Ave a way with words I must say. But I must wonder.... Is that part at the end a quote twards a different story or something?? I just rlly happen to like it. Like his name sounds really familiar for some odd reason. Like I really love the whole poem in general. But i can't help.but think of his name. And I really can't remember where the name it reminds me of is from. But yep I love this soooo much.




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Sun Jun 02, 2019 4:27 pm
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WildLEYJustice wrote a review...



Nice job. Your vocabulary is outstanding and the scenery is just really cool. There’s one part though I’m sure is not that of a big deal but like in 5th line, I think ‘grey’s’ is supposed to not have an apostrophe, but if there is then no worry.

Just a question though, what made you want to write this?

Anyway that’s all from me. This work is just really good, and I hope to see more work from you soon.

Peace out!





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