Old love

This poem has both some lovely imagry and metaphors.
One thing that confused me was the use of his and her. I can't tell the gender of beck nor can I tell the gender of the person in subject. Watch out for that.

Also you need punctuation. You practically have none. Please put some in almost in every line and most certainly in every stanza there will be some. On the same not you will also need to lowercase where appropriate at the start of lines.

Sweet poem of old wounds and lasting love! Brilliant! However I felt as if you kind of just airbrushed through it without doing much editing. Also, that you mentioned her name kind of through me off. At first I wondered if you had just spelled a word wrong. It would do you good to look through this sand check for the many mistakes you made. But overall, it was wonderful! Great Job! Keep writing!

Hey, HT here to review.

I have to say that I agree with Nightlyowl on this. Everything he (or she, if that's the case then I'm sorry) said has a really good point.

Also, you change persectives here, starting out in the third person and then shifting to the first. That, along with you inconsistent rhyming pattern really confuses the reader (namely me) and does nothing to help the work.

The colors threw me off a little bit to. I think the if you want to place emphasis on a particular subject then you should italicize or bold it out.

I really liked some of you content here, such as:


"I'm standing there in the remains of love

He's a timeless emotion

I can't seem to get rid of"

Although 'he' can be replaced with 'it's', this was my favorite part of the poem. But, the bottom line was that while some of the lines worked together as a poem, they were paired with others that didn't, and that hurt the work.

I liked this, I just think that you need to work on it some more.

Happy Writing!
HT

Ok! So Nightlyowl here for a review. Now, I liked your voice in this, but I don't understand what you're actually writing about, and I don't understand why you changed the colors when you did. Is it supposed to draw your attention to those lines? It just doesn't make sense.

Another thing, your poem doesn't rhyme (which is totally ok, I'm not saying that) But your second stanza does, as does the two lines meant to be the forth stanza. This kind of throws it off. Not that much though since every other stanza rhymes. What would have made this better is if the forth stanza wasn't just two lines long. Than it would have been better.

Dace would have been an ok name if it were used to rhyme, but it doesn't so its... strange.

Also,
"Dace was her constant cruelty

Just like old love may ever be"
These two lines don't make sense together.

I'm also confused. She says that Dace isn't good for her, but she's pained when he dies? If she said something like that, wouldn't she not be so torn up about his death?

And "He's a timeless emotion" also doesn't make sense. If he's a person, how can he be an emotion? If he's an emotion... well that's not very obvious with his name/what is said about him.

I guess that's it. Overall it was confusing but you had a nice strong voice which is good. Keep writing, add more details/explain more, and you'll be all set. ^.^