When color isn't beauty and brightness fades away.
When all scents gathered vanish in thin air like a never existing memory.
When voices clash and mute one another.
When conflicting pasts destroy the lifeless present.
When unknown destinies sign our blank-papered fates.
When tears get lost in the crowds, who sleep underneath our so called grounds.
When a giving hand is an unrecognized gesture.
That's when I know my country's falling down.
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This is a really cool piece and it was short and to the point. You gave your opinion about how you know when your country is falling, because they no longer wish to preform small acts of kindness.I agree with you on this point because everyone is only acting for themselves and that will become our downfall. When we only do things for ourselves, we never even think about the lesser man and how maybe helping him will benefit us in the long run. Keep on writing!
Thanks alot
Valkyrie17
. And it seems my words have given u "chills" as well which gives me a good motivation to work on my piece more. I am considering taking your advice and turning it into a poem... I do guess it would make it even more deep.
Yeah my favorite sentence is "when a giving hand is an unrecognized gesture" too
kingofwernogs,
I appreciate every positive aspect u said as well as the negative ones. Having a person "chill" by words actually feels great. And I considered it an essay because I was planning on it to be one in the first place. I guess I drifted away with the content and should've considered putting it under a different category. And yeah I will add that hyphen
This is a very well done piece of art (yes, I just called it art. I think it's that good). I was chilled by the vague but grim imagery that you give to the reader. I especially like "When tears get lost in the crowds". It gives a clear picture of the hypothetical situation. It may not even be hypothetical. Since you tagged it as "Essay", I wonder if you meant to evaluate the nation's current situation. However, I would like to ask you this: Why don't you arrange this in verse form and tag it as "Poetry"? I think it would certainly fit the category very well. I also suggest you put a hyphen between "never" and "existing". *****
~Kingofwernogs, Fact Checker
I appreciate every positive aspect u said as well as the negative ones. Having a person "chill" by words actually feels great. And I considered it an essay because I was planning on it to be one in the first place. I guess I drifted away with the content and should've considered putting it under a different category. And yeah I will add that hyphen
Hey there! I really like this short little piece even though I would have loved to see you expand on it more. The simplicity of this makes ever word more powerful and the last line sends a chill down me. My favourite line has to be, "When a giving hand is an unrecognised gesture." To me that short sentence screams a thousand words and has such a deep meaning. This is a quite good thought provoking piece of work although maybe you could work it into a poem instead? Or even expand of it more because you could really do so much with this.
Keep it up! ~ Valkyrie
Yeah my favorite sentence is "when a giving hand is an unrecognized gesture" too
. And it seems my words have given u "chills" as well which gives me a good motivation to work on my piece more. I am considering taking your advice and turning it into a poem... I do guess it would make it even more deep.