Young Writers Society

Hey there, Eli here for a review! I expected it to be emotional and realistic and it really was, you caught my attention with true story of your own self, things that happen in real life not just fantasies. It really makes each reader think of their own selves and how do they think they even look. Do they like themselves or do they feel bad for their looks? You inspire each person who feels low of their outside appearance to find a new way to look into the mirror and find something positive, to say something good about themselves. To find something they like even. Everything in this work is stunning if we do not talk about minor mistakes which i will point out below. No need to follow each one of them, they are just tips and help.






Good morning!!!(space)I haven't slept at all. I was submerged in the ocean of thoughts,(space)aroused by some pleasant music and got lost in the pitch-black sky with few stars blinking not-so-bright - that's how I spent my night. I am still wide-awake and closing the shutter of my eyes is of no use. I am still far far away from being asleep.(space)My phone has died but I didn't care to charge it up. Then I realized of my unfinished novel but was too lazy to get up from the bed to reach my laptop. It's 12:52PM here, in India, and I am still wide-awake sitting in front of my laptop. You can call me lazy but I still welcome your comment with appreciation and I am thankful for your honesty.

Yes that's me, this is how I define myself according to the world 'Lazy Bone' who spends her time framing her future in her world. I love imagining because imagination is my kingdom where I rule, I am free. No one compels me to behave or to be organized and discipline. I can open my wings and fly wherever and whenever I want. Every pleasant pieces of my imagination intoxicate me. I admire the smell of red roses, wet soil, petrol, pages of new notebooks, morning tea, Indian curry, sandalwood and infinite number of things. Yes I am not ashamed of me. People find me crazy and weird. Why? Just because I am a girl and I love tigers or I like to hangout with girls rather than boys (no offense boys). Yes I had been in harsh relationships and had many crushes at a time. I used to stare at boys even though I was with someone. How can someone stop me from following my dreams? I want to grow independent rather than rich, an inspirational icon instead of being a fashionable mannequin, kind and practical at the same time rather than raising funds (for me it is an another form of begging from rich personalities) for some charity. I believe that charity begins at home so instead of serving orphans, I would like to serve my parents in the first place. I am not..

the one who doesn't believe in charity but the one who needs money for herself first than for orphans. You may call me selfish but yes!!! That's me and I am proud of my attitude. I don't want to get married and have kids. Rather I want to love me and raise some beautiful kids all by myself, be the girl who I want to be, be able to help all the people in the world instead of showing sympathy and giving small amount of penny which may be huge for a day and small for their lifetime. I am not waiting for Mr.Perfect to arrive and take me away with him because I believe that girls are all in all and they do not need anybody to be complete. Girls should grow as independent as birds, as strong as wind, as free as air, as proud as sun so as to shine bright high above everything.



So I just want to conclude that girls should be proud of who they are. Don't get married just because your parents want to or because you are growing old or your partner wants or your friends are getting married. Discover who you are, what do you want to be or what what do you want to follow, where to go, why and how to go. Be the one you see in the mirror every morning instead of being self-obsessed. Freed yourself and fly away from every toxic relationships. Love yourself completely even if you are fat, short, dark and whatsoever. I have Scoliosis (curvature of spine) but still I am proud of me. I am the one with uneven curves and shoulder-blades but this is me and every night I pray and


be thankful to god who has given me enough opportunities to discover myself, for believing in me and provided me enough money to fulfill my basic amenities and giving me a wonderful life and parents. I am not angry to be a victim of Scoliosis anymore but I am grateful for being granted such a healthy life. I never want to go through surgery to get an eye-catchy curves. All I want is to remain healthy and fit, to breath freely, live happily and educate myself so that I can rise high above everything with every new sunshine.


Keep on writing!

Hello Tammy,

I loved this article and found it pretty inspiring. My favorite part was when you said "Girls should grow as independent as birds." I thought that was really good imagery, and a really positive, beautiful message.

I understand that you're calling this a diary article, so the way you wrote it works for that. However, if you wanted to make it into a speech or an article or a blog entry, I would suggest looking at some of your transitions between topics. Sometimes you switch what you're talking about really abruptly and, while that's fine in a diary entry where you're just kind of writing down what you feel and think in the moment, it would have to be a bit more polished for other mediums.

I thought this seemed really happy, which made me feel happier and calmer for having read it, and that was nice. It made the read very enjoyable, so thanks for posting this. Hope this review helped.

-tgirly

Hi, J here for a review.
I'm not sure I feel comfortable reviewing someones Diary entry but here we go.
There was a bunch of grammar mistakes, and some places where there was a repeat of the same word.
Here you need to capitalize the I, "My phone has died but i didn't care to charge it up."

"Then I realized of my unfinished novel but too lazy to get up from the bed to reach my laptop." The wording in this sentence could be changed to make it easier to read, maybe change it to "Then I realized I could work on my unfinished novel, but being to lazy to get out of bed to reach my laptop the piece went unfinished once again.

"It's 12:52PM here, in India and i am still wide awake sitting in front of my laptop. You can call me lazy but I still welcome your comment with appreciation and be thankful for your honesty."
Capitalize your I.

"Every pleasant pieces of my imagination intoxicate me. I admire the smell of red roses, wet soil, petrol, pages of new notebooks, morning tea, Indian curry, sandalwood and infinite number of things.
This needs to say "...and an infinite number of other things"

" Yes I am not ashamed of me." You should have a comma after Yes.

I don't think you meant for the space between the 2nd and 3rd paragraph.

" that's me and I am proud of my attitude."
Capitalized the T in that's.

" Rather I want to love me and raise some beautiful kids all by myself, be the girl who wants to be, be able to help all the people in the world instead of showing sympathy and giving small amount of penny which may be huge for a day and small for their lifetime."
Make a new sentence starting at Be the girl, and add "I want to".

"Don't get married just because your parents you want to...." should be changed to "Don't get married just because your want you to....."

"Discover who you are, what do you want to be or what what do you want to follow" Take out the double what.

"I am the one with uneven curves and shoulder-blades but this is me and every night I pray and



be thankful to god who has given me enough opportunities to discover myself, for believing in me and provided me enough money to fulfill my basic amenities and giving me a wonderful life and parents."
Take out the space in the middle of the sentence, reword the part about praying to make it flow better, capitalize God, and add a comma between God and who.

" I am not angry to be a victim of Scoliosis anymore but I am grateful for granting me such a healthy life. I never want to go through surgery to get an eye-catchy curves."
reword " but I am grateful for granting me such a healthy life."


Anyway after you fix the grammar this will be a wonderful and inspiring piece. I am also a Scollioses sufferer I have a 38% curve in the lower part of my spine and have been told I may need a brace.

Good Job and Keep Writing!!