Death is looking for me

Hiya Talia,

This is a lovely little nugget of poem. I like it a lot!I don't think it needs more...I like the bluntness. I also found the "game of cat and mouse" to be a beautiful part and disagree with NightWalker on that count.

Personally, the stanza that I think is weak is the middle one.

He searches underground
Up and down
He has almost found me
Many
Many times

Fine, but you could definitely use a little symbolism, etc. Just something to spice it up because you have a poignant beginning and end.

For your last stanza, I also have a few comments.

I have been growing tired
Of this game of cat and mouse
Maybe it is not worth it
Not anymore
He found me

First of all, "I have been growing tired" is a little teensy bit awkward. How about "I am growing tired" as a more concise way of saying it. Also, I must say, I don't understand the last line in the context of the stanza. I think that maybe it needs its own stanza, or to be italicized, or something. It just needs a little tweak, and as it is such an important part of your poem, I think that it should stand alone.

Finally, while I am wary of using punctuation in a poem, I think that you might to better to use it here. For example, in the second stanza when you say "He has almost found me many many times", I realize that the line is supposed to act as a comma, but it doesn't quite do the trick, at least for me. I would like there to be a comma after the first many regardless of the way you have spaced things out. However, punctuation is your choice, so feel free to ignore me on that one.

Content-wise, I really like this. I think, as I said before, that it stands alone, or could be added to as the beginning of a story or a segment of a larger poem. I like what you have done with this--nice work!

Sarebear