16 years have passed and I’m living a life which I always wanted to live. I have all the things I could have ever asked for. I have many friends and we hang out, watch movies, and go to the mall or sometimes just loaf around. I have practically everything I ever wanted (except for a red Ferrari maybe). My parents give me all the freedom in this world as long as I’m within my limits. This is something I really admire, considering some of my friends aren't given as much freedom as I have. So according to me, I’m living the perfect life. But then I start to wonder… What about the people who don’t live a life like mine? What about the people who don’t have everything they dreamed of having?
In today's world, there are kids like us who are living in poverty, many who are homeless, many who are out there starving to death. Do we ever think about them? We always complain that we don’t have enough clothes or we don’t have enough of electronics. So your friends are getting the latest cell phones and you feel like owning one too. You beg and plead to your parents that you want a new cell phone. Some parents readily agree and fulfill your wish. But there are some parents who are against this and aren't willing to buy a new cell phone. So what do you do? Throw fits around, talk rudely, complain to your parents how your friends get everything they want and you don’t get anything, back-answer them, and the list goes on. But have you ever thought how much pain and trouble your parents have to take just to give you the life you want? They work hard all day so that they can just support their families. So when they don’t give us something then there has to be a some reason behind it. They aren't doing it just for the sake of it.
We have no value for our parent’s hard earned money. We have no idea how much trouble they take to earn it. We just want to fulfill our wishes. Go for movies, go to the mall, go here, and go there. We don’t even have the slightest idea of the troubles our parents must be going through. We just want to spend it all.
We always want to live our life king size. But have we ever thought about people out there who can’t even afford themselves a meager meal? Or those who can’t afford to cover themselves fully? We have so many clothes and yet we are greedy for more. We jump at every opportunity we get. ‘’Oh I already wore this t-shirt once. I can’t wear it again’’.” this dress doesn't fit me anymore? Okay, throw it out’’. This is what we do and it is wrong. There are people who can’t even afford to buy clothes and are dressed in rags. So maybe we could collect all our old clothes and give them to someone who needs it more than we do.
Same goes with toys. When we were small we wanted all the toys possible. If we wouldn't get what we wanted we would cry and cry and cry till our parents were forced to buy it. But then what? We would play with it for one or two days, get sick of it and throw it away somewhere. And then years later all these toys would be still stocked up somewhere in the corner of the house. Maybe instead of preserving these toys we could give it to someone less fortunate. There are children who have never experienced the joy of playing with toys. Think of how happy they will be when they receive these toys.
So like this there are so many things we could do to make other people’s lives better. It may not be perfect but it will certainly become better. Quoting Mahatma Gandhi, ‘’ You must be the change you wish to see in the world’’. It is only by doing these little things can we make a mark in today’s world.
It’s time to step out of the box and think big. Can we be the change this world wishes to see?
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Hi supernb, here are some of my ideas to make this essay better:
It's admirable that you are stating that you are content with life, and as a sixteen-year-old these are surely some of the ideal things that one looks for at that age. Yet...these things (mall-shopping etc) seem a bit inappropriate in an essay that tries to elicit emotion for the less fortunate. I would suggest naming the basic necessities you are lucky to have: food, shelter, heat, loving parents. Drop the line about the Ferrari. It's not funny.
Also, why do you begin to worry about these other people? Because of something you saw or only because you have to write an essay. It might seem appropriate to add a reason why you care about these others in your essay.
Again you have some good ideas and motives here, but the contrasts you try to draw with the poor and those who have feels a little hollow. Maybe instead of focusing on the whining of young teens, you can try to put those whining teens in the shoes of the poverty-stricken. While complaining about those that complain can be effective, right now it seems to be a trite reason to support the poor,
Collect all our old clothes to give to the poor? This is not a good persuasive idea. Donating to organizations such as Goodwill is worthy. Images of dumping off old skinny jeans to beggars is instead what I imagine. This needs some thoughtfulness.
The Gandhi quote is nice, but it needs some more meat. What "little things" are you referring to? You don't offer much beyond donating old toys and clothes. To be the change in the world, you should probably suggest a bit more beyond these two things in order for your essay to really shine. Best of luck on the revision and feel free to message me with any concerns.
Trident
thank you trident for your wonderful review
Your points were really helpful! 
I will definitely keep them in mind next time i write an essay! And yes i will message you if i have any problems. Thank you so much
This is very inspiring. I love how you express your feelings clearly. I've always wondered the same thing. People could use this inspiration. I didn't see any grammar errors, either. You've made me think about what's important. You should join some sort of club to help save the homeless. Your enthusiasm could propel others to help as well. In a way we are greedy. I love this essay!!
haha thank you so much booklover124! I'm glad you liked it