This world is so unfair. So many people alive, so many dead, buried and forgotten. Many with all the luxuries possible, many without a home, many with people who love them, many not knowing what love is . Yes, this world is unfair – to all people, in all realms of life. Yet we manage to survive, looking forward to another day with a ray of hope that tomorrow will be a better day.
Every morning we wake up, hoping to be a better person. Hoping that the sins we committed yesterday won’t be repeated today. But why is that every time we think we’re moving one step in front we actually end up moving two steps behind? We try to improve upon one thing and end up messing up another. People always pinpoint the faults in us and never the good things, which leads us to believe that we are a body of faults.
Every day a person dies. There are people who, when they die create a massive impact so much so that the rest of the nation gets a holiday. There are some who die, putting their lives at risk at the stake of their beloved nation. There are some who die, trying to battle a life threatening disease, where eventually the disease triumphs, and then finally those, who are just sick of life and want to give up.
So yes, the world is unfair and there is nothing we can do about it. We can sit and ponder upon this thought for hours and hours and still not end up with a solution. Even if you are the richest man in the world or some beggar on the street, world will still be unfair in the smallest possible ways. But there’s one thing we can do. We can wait and watch and see what this world has in store for us. Marvel at it, as it proceeds and be amazed by the little surprises it throws.
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Hey, Weather here to review!
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I really liked the concept here of life being obviously unfair and the references to different types of people and situations in society. This had good intentions and meaning behind it. I do have some suggestions that may help improve this even more.
"This world is so unfair. So many people alive, so many dead, buried and forgotten. Many with all the luxuries possible, many without a home, many with people who love them, many not knowing what love is . Yes, this world is unfair – to all people, in all realms of life. "
Okay your opening was to the point, statement made. But you were just listing what is "unfair" here rather than adding anything else that helps this statement. People dieing is unfair but it is the circle of life unfortunately. Perhaps you could have said it's unfair when people die from preventable causes such as hunger then it would link in more to the rest of your essay. Just in my opinion.
I feel like there were some things that were a bit cliched in what is deemed, "unfair", there was the typical poverty being unfair which is sometimes overdone, nothing wrong with it, more variety of "unfair" is needed.
I did enjoy the second half a lot because you went into detail about different types of "unfair" such as the "beggar on the street" we all too often neglect. And the terminal illnesses which are truly "unfair"
You could have talked about natural disasters, they're natural evil out of human control they are in a sense, unfair also.
Adding some statistics on the rise of homelessness, death and illness would make your essay stronger as it has facts to correspond to your statements. You can also say the affect it has on society.
Overall a very insightful piece, well done keep it up! Hope I made more sense than nonsense
--Weather
Hey there! Converse here for a review!
So, this is a really good piece. I can see absolutely no misplaced punctuation or misspelt words, so great job.
Your points are strong and have a good meaning behind them, which is the main reason why the writing makes the reader take a step back and take a look at the world around them.
I have the same improvement ideas as TakeThatYouFiend, I'm afraid, but I'll try and give some examples
So perhaps...:
There are about 15 dead people for every alive person.
Most statistics and evidence just to make it more... real?
And if I were you, I'd throw in something about fate and maybe focus more on people just so the reader can relate a bit better.
Overall, splendid piece I love it, great job!
-CFG
thank you soo much ConverseFireGirl for the review! and thanks alot for those pointers. And yes i will definetly keep them in mind for future use
First I would like to review the message behind the essay.
I wholly agree with the statment that life isn't fair. That is to say, people do not have equal opportunities. This will be the case as long as we have genetic variety. However I do not think that there is nothing we can do about it, and I don't think you do either. What you are trying to say is that won't make much difference (on a global scale) and it will never, at least feasibly, make the word fair. This is a small point.
Now for your essay writing. This is very good, and it contains.good structure and a clear beginning, middle, and (you guessed it) end. The only criticism I would give is you need to contain a little more evidence, facts, or statistics. Again this is a minor point.
Keep up the good work!
Take That You Fiend!
Thanks a lot for the review. It means a lot. And thanks a lot for those pointers. I will keep that in mind
Your welcome!