this may contain some darker themes, just as a warning <3
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139,240 Literary Works • 672,520 Reviews
Hey star and chi! Ah yes the beloved dishwasher poetry. I think the idea is brilliant! Let's review the work, shall I?
Oof <3 this is powerful. I think the use of having, "she did," on another line build suspense for the reader to let it go. I also don't know if this is intended, but the line has a rhyming scheme. The flow is also bouncy till we get to the last line. It's like when a character is having a jolly ol' time but then they snap back into reality and their surrounding is nothing like what's going on in their head.So this does have darker themes, and I like darker themes. But when I look at it from afar, without looking at words, just letters, I see something that is deceiving to the eye. It looks something more of a childish alliteration. My mind went to Walrus and the Carpenter. She narrative of the girl in the story is sort of fuzzy and up to reader interpretation. I think that's up to reader's preference but for me in particular, I don't exactly enjoy that approach.
One part that I have a slight problem with is this I just think that it's clunky and a little bit clumsy. And I think the use of seesaws is just slung in there. It might bring the mood away from it's initial feel of grey, almost storm cloud like. I wish there were more rhymes but I see you're limited in how many words you can make out of "Dishwasher."
But that's all I have for today! I hope yall found some of this useful! Overall I really like the ingenuity of dishwasher poetry. Keep on writing! Anyway byeeeeeeeeeee<3333
this made me laugh idk why xD
THANKS FOR THE REVIEW <333
I really really love this.
AWWW THANK YOU SO MUCH! c: <33
This poem. Oh my lord.
Once again, you've done it. The feel of the words, the harsh consonants and acidity of the letters add such a haunting and oathlike feeling to this poem. The image it creates is LOVELY, and it's very interpretive in the best way possible.
The sudden change from the slightly longer stanzas to the single last line is jarring and creates such an incredible and dramatic effect. You can really see what the poet is attempting to do here- and you've VERY much succeeded.
The feeling of this poem overall is enchanting and menacing and just-- it's so well done. Lovely job
SUPER SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLY, BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEW!!! c:
Hello! My name is Via and I'm here for a review. So... let's get started!
POSITIVES:
First of all, this poem hits home. I can sense all the emotions from turmoil, depression, melancholia, acceptance. Good poetry creates a painting of many human emotions that we feel. Your words portray those feelings well. Good job on that!
Your alliteration is lovely. Rarely do I see a consistent utilization of a alliteration in poetry. From the uses of the "w" sounds and the "s" sounds. They all create this rhythmic quality that is very unique. I quite like it.
Although this is unrelated to the poem itself, thank you for the trigger warning. I notice how many writers on this forum, including myself, suffer from mental illness. While I am very healthy and stable, you never know from this forum. So the trigger warning is good for those who might not be ready to read poetry like this.
I love poetry that explores more darker aesthetics. I like to think I know the difference between good and bad dark poetry. This definitely is good. You kept the poem very short and simple. Often times when we write too much, sometimes the emotions and craft get lost. Here, you kept all the themes intact by keeping it this way.
THANK YOU so much for keeping the punctuation. While many poets forgo regular grammar for stylistic approach, here it is needed. The commas and periods add a more structural flow which the poem needs.
Diction wise, I generally liked your wording. I love vocabulary choices like "shrewd". It adds a touch of refinement to this poem. You also held back on the intricate vocabulary. Sometimes if we use too many harder vocabulary words, the overall feel gets lost since some readers might not get it too well. It's great that you showed some restraint on that part.
My favorite line is this one
That speaks volumes.
CRITIQUES:
So, no one is perfect. Not even me. I think these points I'm going to make might enhance this work. However, keep in mind these are only suggestions. You don't have to take them. Just humor me.
Rhythm wise, your poem could use a bit more editing. While overall your poem is good, I think some of the lines didn't necessarily get muddled, more weirdly transitioned.
These lines for example
I see what you're trying to do here. While I like the color aesthetic of the sea-ash. The transition between the word "sea-ash" and "rashes" is a tad awkward. Maybe it might be the melding of the "ash" sound since they rhyme. While I'm all for rhyming, here the transition and the rhyming adds a weird sound off the tongue. It was a bit distracting from the overall poem. This might just be me being picky though.
I suggest maybe playing around with these lines. Explore different ways to write down what you want to say.
This poem also has potential to be expanded just a bit. I think a metaphor or image or two would add more layers. However, I recommend this with a grain of salt. Don't overdo it. I loved the simplicity of this poem, so if you choose to expand it with an image or metaphor or both, be careful not to go too crazy because then you might loose the mood in the words. Show some restraint on that part.
While I loved the alliteration in a majority of the lines. Some of then get a little muddled from the wording.
Like this
and this
Nothing a little experimentation and editing can fix. If you insist on keeping the lines alliterated, maybe look into finding different ways to word it so it could flow better.
Overall, great poem! I loved the emotional and dark elements! Great job! Keep on writing!
SUPER SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLY, BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEW!!! ^_^ It was super helpful, and I really appreciate it!! :)
omg
star
this is so
ahhhhh
*fixes brain*
Hey, star, it's Vilnius, and I'm here to review your work! uwu
So, to start with, thank you for putting at the start there are darker themes in this poem. It's really important to make use of Trigger Warnings and other materials in writing, so kudos to you! c:
I really liked the use of-- uh-- the thing where the words have similar letters in a row? Not sure? What that's called? But you used it and I liked it here?? ;-;
the caffeine has not kicked in, my brain is so dead atm XDDDSo, finally, I wanted to say that this poem is indeed a dark-themed one, because I think that there's one character here (unless I'm misreading something here, in which case I apologize ;-;) and that she commits s**c*d*. I think that it's important that you've brought it up and I feel like you've described how a depressed person can live like normal (e.g. washing their hair) and blend in with everyone else.
Have a nice [*insert time of day here*]!!! <3<3<3<3
AHHHH THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEW, AND SUPER SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLY!!! I super appreciate it ^_^ <333
consider this poem
dishwashed
gmo :O
whoahhhh this is so clever and beautiful and sad eep :'''''((( you two are both so so talented <333
AWWWWWWW WHY ARE YOU SO SWEET CHAWHAT :'(((( <33333 THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND WORDS, I APPRECIATE YOU <3
we all need to do another collaboration together c:
collaboration sounds so fancy haha; I typed collaboration, but it autocorrect to collaboration xD
I MEAN I TYPED COLLAB AND IT AUTOCORRECTED TO COLLABORATION >.> IT DID IT AGAIN
goshness my oh xD
but also YES WE DO, I AM SO DOWN FOR THAT <3