Hello!! This is Orabella, here with a short review. ^^
It's not as often as I'd like that I see poetry formatted in a wonderful way, so thank you for giving me such an amazing poem to look at, among the other things that make it wonderful.
First of all, some things I love:
The way the first stanza has 'your' in parenthesis is interesting, and it adds a cool second way to look at the lines. On one had, it's (at first) descriptions of ordinary things, but you emphasize it with 'your', which is one: an interesting thing to read and look at from the reader's point of view, and two: it sets up more of the poem later on, as the first half revolves heavily around the person the narrator is addressing. When later on you add 'your ______', it gets even more interesting with a different meaning. Before, the 'your' was kind of like an add-on, saying that oh, and also, this was yours. The way 'your ______' changes this in the second stanza makes it feel like the thing is yours, and is more direct and less like an afterthought. Which makes the whole thing more interesting and with so much more behind it than someone might think. (Maybe even the author, because I have a tendency to make up strange random theories about poetry that don't turn out to be true at all) That's all just to say, I really like the way this was obviously thought out, and has so much meaning that you just can't get from reading one time through.
I also love the vocabulary within this poem. I don't know as many words as I probably should, but I doubt many use "pernicious" in everyday conversation. I feel like this adds many more layers to the piece, and it also makes the poem a little less vague. (Which is another great thing you do here)
Keeping poems not to vague helps readers connect more deeply with what you're saying. If a writer was to say, "The roses are pretty," it's vague, overused, and not very interesting. If a writer can describe roses in a unique and unexpected way, this can better hook reader's attention. This is also something you do very well, so nice job hooking my attention!
The thing about vocabulary like this is that it can sometimes scare readers off if they don't know what it means and don't want to bother looking it up. It really depends on what audience you want to have on this poem, but if it's not people that would generally know a little more complicated words, you may want to replace them. (But if you like them, great! That's the most important thing you can do; make you like the poem! Don't bend it to what readers want)
Thank you so much for sharing this lovely work! I really enjoyed reading it, and I'd love to read any other poems, or stories, or really anything you have! Is there anything specific you'd like me to take a look at? I hope you have an amazing day, and don't forget to keep writing! ^^
Points: 30174
Reviews: 252
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