Young Writers Society

Hey, it's Serrurie, here to leave a review! Let's go:

The Good Stuff: Let me just say that I am not a horror fan. It's either way too cliche or way too violent for my taste. But yours? Yours is the most amazing horror I've ever read. I'm a lover of poetry novels, like 'Alone' by Meghan E. Freeman. This was so good, I'm not going to ask you to make this a novel, but totally make this a novel. It wasn't too gory, though still captures the essence of Halloween, all the while leaving plenty of room for lore and worldbuilding.

Things To Work On: This should probably belong more in 'Personal Thoughts' but may I suggest expanding your vocabulary? The poem itself is beautiful, but 'long-ish light brown hair' captures the point without exactly making the reader dive deeper, if that makes sense. From personal experience, books are much more encapsulating when you say something like 'burgundy hair, as if dipped in wine.' or 'large, scattered eyes.' These are just suggestions, not really anything you need to change. But I hope you get my point.

Personal Thoughts: Overall, great work! I'm not usually a big horror or thriller person, but this is beautifully crafted, I would very much enjoy if this was turned into a series! (Please. I need something new to read).
Happy writing!
-Serrurie.

Greetings Poet!

Beyond my beloved horizon, I'm setting sail into uncharted pages with an itch for adventure. Through binoculars, I spy with my little eye a captivating poem titled “Warehouse” that deserves a good review. Therefore without further ado, let’s begin.

Very first of all, I love the idea of mixing horror in a poem, I didn't know it was a thing until a read a prose poem about something dramatically haunting. I must say that I quite liked reading this poem, no, correction, *I enjoyed reading it. I really did.

For me it was almost as if reading a poem that tells a short, chilling and Halloween-themed story. It's like the perfect chilling story that leaves with a cliffhanger, you definitely nailed that with the last sentence.

In a blink

She’s gone.

Disappeared.

The warehouse is empty.
Void of people.
Shelves with nothing.
Wispy ghosts of boxes
Sit rippling on the shelves.
Nothing there.

A sound-
Sudden.

A figure running,
Dashing,
Weaving through the dimly lit
Building.

In the empty warehouse vast and wide,
Void of people, where shadows reside.

Shelves stand bare, with nothing to bear,
Whispers of boxes linger in the air.

Hi! I'm excited to open up a new world with your poem!

What Happens In This World:

This poem is about a girl in a warehouse. The girl seems to be in trouble. The narrator tries to reach out and help but can't. The narrator is an observer.

What Can Be Better:

1. The thing that most caught my attention - in a critic way - when I first read this was the description of the girl.

We see that the figure is a girl
Around seventeen
With long-ish light brown hair.

We see that the figure is a girl;
Her hair hangs down
Only slightly long
The color
A light brown
Seventeen?

Wispy ghosts of boxes
Sit rippling on the shelves.

Escapes
From her body.