When you're lying on your floor
At 10:40 pm
Fluorescent bright lights
Shining down on you
Like maybe if you lie in their light for long enough
You'll start to fill up with light too
Cautioners by Jimmy Eat World
Playing on the iPod hooked up to your radio
Earrings messily lined up in rows
Hanging from the side of your bookshelf
The heat comes on, filling your room with warmth
And you try to think about
How good this specific pair of pajama bottoms makes you feel
But it all seems so empty
And you don't think you're feeling anything
but numb
But butterflies coat your walls
And there are stars meticulously taped to your closet
And a bunch of feel-good
Comforting songs are playing
And you just slipped on your favorite fuzzy socks
And as you get up you see all the Beautiful Things you've Created
And how you've really turned this room into a Home
And suddenly the numb is filled with a little sparkle of kindness
And you're not so empty anymore
Smiling as tears fill your eyes
And tickle as they run down the sides of your face
And you're feeling something,
you're feeling something
And there are stars.
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140,258 Literary Works • 673,074 Reviews
written January 3rd, 2025
Love this. The numbness you feel that persists sucks. but looking around the room you see the things that you made makes you realize that this is you're place it's you're home and finally you feel. I think that the symbolism in crying once you feel something is great and heavy, like its been so long since you finally felt something so strong, raw, and real that its overwhelming. Also the contrasting feelings of not feeling anything to suddenly feeling everything from the lights around you, the clothes you are wearing, and what you are feeling is amazing. Keep up the work.
hey pebble! Ellie here
To begin, I really love the descriptive style that this poem follows. Most of the poem, you were describing your surroundings of this bedroom, at night. I picture someone just sitting on the floor and crying, as we see these things around them, like the messy earrings hanging from the bookshelf. I like how you combined multiple senses as well. We don't only have this visual, but we can also hear the song that you describe specifically.
My only suggestion would be perhaps changing the 'numb' to 'numbness'. I love this part of the poem so much! We transition from this external to an internal. We see how, as you observe your surroundings you see these beautiful things that you have made. It's almost like a sense of pride, fills you, which makes you feel this little bit of happiness that you didn't have before. Before, you were numb, but now it seems like you're able to recognize a little bit of joy, which helps you feel more certain. I really like this image in my head where I can see this joy filling your body and the emptiness being banished away.
This is a really sweet ending. I like the repetition of the "feeling something" because that shows us how it's really important as you realize this for yourself. It's almost like, "oh, my gosh, since when can I feel things?!" Overall, I love how you tie the name of the poem at the end as well. It's almost like you can see the stars, something that was there the whole time, but it wasn't clear to you before, but now the clouds have moved away, and it's a beautiful opened sky of possibility!
I loved this a lot! Keep writing and have a great day <33
Your friend,
Ellie
Aw, thank you! I love the way you interpreted my poem! :)
ash here
hi pebble! i really love this poem. i feel numb and empty a lot and sometimes i need a reminder to just appreciate the little things, so thank you 
first off, i love the fourth stanza a lot, where you talk about fuzzy socks and feel-good songs. sometimes, it's something as simple as fuzzy socks that can make you happier and more relaxed. it's like the feeling of climbing into your blanket on a really cold winter day and shivering in warmth (am i the only one that's experienced this?)
the only real criticism i have is in one line:
considering the line before this one, i would use but instead of and. because you're talking about trying to appreciate the warm pajamas, but you can't because it all feels so empty
overall, very nice poem pebble. keep up the great workk
with love, ash
Thank you so much for the review! I'm glad you liked it and thank you for thanking me for liking it, that made my day. :')
Also, that's great advice! Looking back, the word "but" makes much more sense in that line, especially since I already have a pattern of starting other lines with "but." I'm going to edit that in right now. :)
you%u2019re very welcome
)) happy writing!!