Guilty

Quickie by Toe.
Things you seem to have accomplished:
1. Nice flow of ideas to reader.
2. Slight suspense even though it was very short.
3. First two lines rhyme correctly.
4. Like how 'guilty party' was linked to plural 'senses and morals' (if intentional)
5. I like the main message of the poem and title.

Things that need a little more work:
1. Rhyming scheme should not change from first two lines to end.
2. Last two lines just don't fit for me because of the word structure.. Too wordy maybe?
3. Why do the first too lines closer to each other than the rest of the poem which is more spaced out?

Opinion:
Since you're new to YWS I would guess you're new to poetry too, just like me. I think be both share the same weakness because I'm seeing some of my old self in this poem. Your beginning is always the strongest, the body of the poem is just there to keep the flow going with nothing special in it, and the ending was supposed to be good but you couldn't think of something better than the beginning. It is always missing its the component that you seem to have had in the beginning. That's how I was and sometimes still am, I think that this might be your case too, if not please correct me if I'm wrong. Good luck with your writing in the future.

Hi and welcome to YWS! first of all, this is a very lovely piece of literature. I like how it's brief, so it's not hard to remember. You seem to have pulled off short but sweet, without it being a bit too brief. Sometimes poet do write very lengthy works that are hard for me to follow as I'm impatient.

Anyway, I would like to talk about the substance. It contained very lovely rhyme schemes that adequately fit the piece of literature.

What I thought you could work on, however, was the last three lines. I'm really only referring to the the last line. The rest of them seemed so polished, so fitting. Yet the last one was not fully, but a bit of a let-down. I feel as though you could have improved on it by using more descriptive language. Or perhaps you could have used a rhyme as a way to polish it off, or maybe figurative language?

Hello there Sparkle! Dogs here with your review today! And first if I may say: WELCOME TO YWS! I hope you enjoy your time here. I'm Tucker, and if you need anything, a review, some help, advice, ANYTHING! I'd be more than happy to help you out . Also, adorable avatar you have there. Anywho, on to ze review. Lovely poem you have here, interesting topic, although a little obscure at times. Let's dive in now shall we?

"I’m the guilty party take me away,"

Two things here, firstly if you want to not change the wording of this line you should say: "I'm the guilt party, take me away." Or you could say: "I'm the guilty party, so take me away." Whatever works.

So you had the interesting rhyming scheme with the first two lines, but than you drop the rhyming all together. I'm all for free verse with occasional rhyming in your writing, but in this case I think you should stick with the rhyming scheme throughout the poem, or create more than one lined stanzas that further the topic of the poem.

I really love the idea you're using here, but the writing and execution skews the point that you're trying to get across. It's never defined what the narrator gave to the one person, also her sin is never really revealed to the reader. So the plot line in this poem is lacking a few pieces. Other than that, content is great and this is a good poem. Try to flesh out your writing, I enjoyed reading this piece. Let me know if you ever need a review. Keep up the good work!

TuckEr EllsworTh

I like it. It's short and catchy, so it will be easy to remember. Though I don't like how 'I'm the guilty party take me away" is all thrown in together. I think you need to fix that a bit, maybe skip a line after 'party'. This is your poem, though. I like it other than that. I especially like the two lines
"Before me you knelt and I knw how you felt,
so I gave you what you wanted."
Though I also don't like the first line I just repeated all bunched up together, either. Try this:

Before me you knelt
and I knew how you felt,

so I gave you what you wanted.

Sometimes format helps a lot! You did great, though.