still going in slow motion

i want to vomit when i hear my name
i hate the way it sounds the way it
makes me feel when its in someone’s mouth
i’m turning inside out, i wish that i wasn’t around
my actions on replay are a reminder that i make a sound
it makes me nauseous

i don’t know what is keeping me still going in slow motion
i used to hate myself now i just shut down that emotion
i don’t know if i still love the person i have become
but i’ll be damned if i’m remembered now by anyone
i am not proud of the old person that i used to be
i hope that everyone forgets every version of me
and yet i’m never proud of who i am becoming now
i think the self loathing has taken a new shape somehow

i look into my face and see a doll, a dress up game
another way to orchestrate, i make myself into a liar
i hate when others see, an imprint of a memory
traces and pieces of me that i can’t take back when i leave

i don’t know what is keeping me still going in slow motion
i used to hate myself now i just shut down that emotion
i don’t know if i still love the person i have become
but i’ll be damned if i’m remembered now by anyone
i am not proud of the old person that i used to be
i hope that everyone forgets every version of me
and yet i’m never proud of who i am becoming now
i think the self loathing has taken a new shape somehow

i want to curl into a ball when i’m perceived
i’d rather forget that i have a face and take up space with my body
i wish that somehow i could leave, subjected to my existing
i want a witness and yet don’t want anyone to notice me

i don’t know what is keeping me still going in slow motion
i used to hate myself now i just shut down that emotion
i don’t know if i still love the person i have become
but i’ll be damned if i’m remembered now by anyone
i am not proud of the old person that i used to be
i hope everyone forgets every version of me
and yet i’m never proud of who i am becoming now
i think self loathing has taken a new shape somehow

i don’t know what is keeping me still going in slow motion
i used to hate myself now i just shut down that emotion
i don’t know if i still love the person i have become
but i’ll be damned if i’m remembered now by anyone