When the last of the ice has melted, the layers of air have all gone, the animals have all been killed or died out, and the plants were dead before that. Where do we go from here? You’ve taken a knife to the heart of our Earth, and now will sit and watch it bleed. Is it not enough to ruin your home? You’ve taken the home of so many others with you. The world was a gift to our race, and like all beautiful things you sought to destroy it. The world now a garden of flowers forgotten to be watered, will wilt and wither until its last petal hits the ground. Were the factories and smoke worth the cost of our air? Or the technology worth the death of humanity? Now that everything is gone, and we can’t get it back; what will we do? All we had was our Earth and we chose luxury over life, we chose our lives over those of the future. Where do we go from here? A child’s first breath will be that of tainted air, and their life on the world will soon be cut short. A child robbed of the life it truly deserved , and every inhabitant on this sinking ship we call home is guilty of stealing. I can’t think of anything more sad than today’s youth growing in a world that is so close to death. Where do we go from here? Where can we go? Nowhere.
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,840 Reviews
HEELLO sphiereichelt,
Wow. Just wow. A poem about the end of the world. Literally. The end of the world. I haven't seen anyone write a poem about this yet.
"Where do we go from here?" Where DO we go from here? Everything's gone, we're sailing towards certain destruction, and it is quite literally THE END OF THE WORLD. Bravo on that line btw.
"We chose our lives over those of the future." This says something about humans. We're selfish. It's a fact. All of our actions, all of our words, in the end they're all to benefit ourselves. Nothing more. We're greedy. There's always some person above us that we want to reach. We never consider those below.
"A child's first breath will be that of tainted air." It's like a child is no longer innocent the moment it comes to the world. That is pure evil. Robbing a child of their innocence, we think it could never be done, no one would dare to do it. Yet that is the result, if technology keeps growing, if the air keeps getting filled with the dark smoke of pollution.
Really, the only problem I see with this poem is the format. When I first lay eyes on it, it looked like a huge chunk of words that hurt my eyes and threatened to bore me (but trust me, it didn't). Readers often enjoy literature that looks short and easy to read. The content was awesome, but the format kind of brought the reader's interest down a little. Just a tip.
The end of the world.....
Night Kaizer
Hello Sophie, it's Katrina Kimberly here with another short review!
First things first, beautiful poem! I love how you didn't use the traditional stanzas, it was something very new and refreshing. I felt something warm and mysterious while reading this poem, it seemed as if it belonged as an ancient proverb in a book of magic and mystery. Also, I found that enjoyed the repetition of a few of your more major lines, it really carved the meaning and message into the readers brain. Such a magnificent poem! I only found a few slightly awkwardly worded lines that GoldenQuill already touched on, but besides that, wonderful job!
Best Wishes,
Kitty
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!
Totally!
Hey sophiereichelt! It's Quill here, with a quick review. Congratulations on having the courage to put your work out there! I'm very nitpicky, so I thought we could slide into the few errors I saw before I talked about the overall details! Let's get started!
This is a great opening! But the first sentence isn't quite a sentence, and it reads a bit strangely the way it is. Maybe "... and the plants were dead before that: where do we go from here?" or something along those lines? Either way, it's great and I love it.
I think this would read better with a comma after 'things'.
Comma after 'world'.
The addition of the word 'soon' here is sort of strange, because following in the line of the poetry, the speaker has already declared that "everything is gone". By changing it, now, to before everything has gone, and saying that "soon" their life will be over before it's begun, when in the poetry the speaker already said it was gone, is sort of strange. I'm not sure if what I'm saying makes sense. At the most: reword this slightly so it's clear all of this has already happened. At the least: consider taking out the word 'soon'.
No space between "deserved" and the ",".
Overall
Overall, this was amazing! I loved the imagery, and the sad truth within it. We really are destroying our world, and for nothing, and you very clearly portrayed that here. This is a very solid piece.
Always keep writing!
thank you for taking the time to review this!! you're suggestions are all very helpful!