The Soldier

Ahhhh I love this! Anyways, I just have a few things:

I don't like how you mentioned the parents' names since they were so irrelevant to the story.

"Yeah, why?" asks Dylan as I see Jessie staring at me with creepy eyes. I scoot a little behind Dylan, and hold his hand tight.

"No reason, I never expected you two to be together this long." he replies not noticing Jessie. Dylan looks at Jessie with a look that meant stay away from her.

"Yeah, how's your girlfriend?" asks Dylan looking back at Travis. Jessie looks back at me with creepy eyes, making me zip up my coat more.

"Good, I proposed before we left, and we are getting married in June." smiles Travis with wide, dreamy eyes.

"Dang, that's kinda soon ain't it?" says Dylan putting his arm around my waist, and rubbing his hands on my sides. I rest my hands on his shoulder and lay my head on them.

"Yeah, well she's pregnat so we decided to speed things up some." smiles Travis. Both me and Dylan's mouths drop.

"No way, that's great." I say with a big smile.

"Yeah, but I'm kinda nervous." he admits rubbing the back of his head. Jessie begins to look a bit jumpy and antsy.

"Don't worry, you'll be a good dad." I say nudging his shoulder lightly. He smiles bashfully, and looks at me and Dylan for a moment.

"You two would make good parents too." he says quietly. Dylan blushes a bit, and looks down at me softly.

"I bet we would." says Dylan kissing me gentley. Travis smiles, and looks at Jessie, who was now wearing a kill face.

Hi there!

Aww this is sweet. I like it.

Corrections in red and suggestions in bold:

"Where's he at?" asks my sister, Misty, as we wait at the airport for my boyfriend and best friend, Dylan. Dylan had gone off to Iraq for a few months and when he came back, he said we were going to get married. (so for now this is just pure facts. I'd like to know more about how the MC feels about getting married and Dylan being in Iraq. That way the reader could connect with her more)

"I don't know Misty, be patient. He could be looking for us," I say defensivly as I look around and see everyone being reunited with eachother. I start to worry. (be careful with tenses) Ever since we were fifteen, Dylan has been in the family. He's spent countless nights at my house, sleeping on the couch. You see, he was and orphan and living in a group home, so my family took him in as one of their own, and we eventully grew on each other.

"Yeah Misty, just be patient and besides he could be talking to a captin." says my mom, Makenzie, as we wait at the gate.

"Good point, but he still needs to hurry up." says Misty impatiently. I roll my eyes and begin to look around again. Even though we were only nineteen, we wanted to get married, and I knew he didn't want to wait much longer because he his next deployment could be his last. (It would be good to see some emotion here. How does the MC feel about that? The fact that her boyfriend is a soldier, that he could easily be killed? For now it's very factual, and I'm getting the impression that she doesn't really care.) I was going to UNC Chapel Hill to Major in Journalism. (is this Journalism bit necessary? It doesn't really fit here)

"Besides, him and I have to have a talk," says my dad, Johnathan, with a knowing look on his face. I roll my eyes again, and, when I turn my attention back to the crowd, I see him walking torwards me with a big smile. I smile and run up to him then jump in his arms. (apart from the smile, we don't know how she's feeling. Maybe even some telling would work here. Also, careful with the word smile. Maybe replace the first one with 'grin' or something like that.)

"Oh my God, I missed you!" I say as he lifts me in the air with a hug. I pull away and give him a big kiss.

"I missed those kisses, I missed you," he says quietly, giving me another kiss.

"Come on, can't this wait till we get home?" says Misty impatiently. Our parents hit her arm, and tell her to shut up. (it sounds like both parents are one person here: they're doing exactly the same thing.)

"I agree, let's go," he says, putting me down. I smile as I feel his arm snake around my waist and pull me closer to him. (I like the detail here, it works well. ) We walk outside and I see some of Dylan's old friends named Jessie and Travis. (that sounds a bit awkward, the whole 'named Jessie and Travis' thing. Rephrase?)

"Dude, you two are still together?" says Travis when Dylan stops us to talk to them for a minute.

"Yeah, why?" asks Dylan as I see Jessie staring at me with creepy eyes. I scoot a little behind Dylan, and hold his hand tight. (More description on Jessie would be good. What colour eyes? Why do they appear creepy?)

"No reason, I just never expected you two to be together this long," he replies, not noticing Jessie. Dylan looks at Jessie with a look that meant stay away from her.

"Yeah, how's your girlfriend?" asks Dylan looking back at Travis. Jessie looks back at me with creepy eyes, making me zip up my coat more. (this is the second time you've described Jessie's eyes as creepy, use another word)

"Good, I proposed before we left, and we're ('we are' sounded a bit stiff) getting married in June." smiles Travis with wide, dreamy eyes.

"Dang, that's kinda soon ain't it?" says Dylan putting his arm around my waist, and rubbing his hands on my sides. I rest my hands on his shoulder and lay my head on them.

"Yeah, well she's pregnant so we decided to speed things up some," smiles Travis. (you said 'smiles Travis' last time. Rephrase this one) Both me and Dylan's mouths drop.

"No way, that's great." I say with a big smile.

"Yeah, but I'm kinda nervous," he admits rubbing the back of his head. Jessie begins to look a bit jumpy and antsy.

"Don't worry, you'll be a good dad," I say, nudging his shoulder lightly. He smiles bashfully, and looks at me and Dylan for a moment.

"You two would make good parents too." he says quietly. Dylan blushes a bit, and looks down at me softly.

"I bet we would." says Dylan, kissing me gently. Travis smiles, and looks at Jessie, who was now wearing a kill face.

"Dude, what's wrong with you?" asks Travis with a freaked out expression. (show us his freaked out expression. Are his eyes wide? His mouth tight? etc... Remember, show, don't tell)

"Nothing," says Jessie pushing past Travis, and walking torwards me and Dylan.

"Sophie," says Jessie (you said 'says' just before, find another word) with a stern voice, like my dad when I did something wrong.

"What?" I say softly as me and Dylan turn around to see Jessie walking torwards us.

"Why him? He comes from a group home, nothing compared to your elegant life," says Jessie, stopping about six feet away from us.

"Because he makes me happy, and I love him," I say, shocked at the question. I feel Dylan's muscles tense up very stern. (I don't quite get what you mean by 'very stern') I knew this wasn't good.

"Why? You could do so much better," says Jessie looking at Dylan with pleading eyes.

"I probably could, but I don't need anymore, he's all I ask for," I say, turning me and Dylan around and walking away. We soon get in my Ford Mustang and pull out of the parking lot. (who's driving? At the moment it sounds like 'we' is driving)

"Did you mean what you said about me?" he asks after we pull out of the parking lot.

"Yes, I meant it 100 one hundered percent." I say as we stop at the stop light. (stop at the stop light sounds too repetitive, maybe; 'break at the stoplight', or something of that sort)

"I love you," he says, taking my hand, and kissing my cheek. (maybe you could show his love for the MC in another way than kissing: maybe his eyes gaze deeply into hers, etc? Just to make him more unique, more original)

"I love you too," I reply, holding his hand tightly.

"And where in the world did you learn to tense up like that?" I ask, smiling as I drive down the road.

"When I met you," he says quietly. I look at him for a moment and smile. (... she's always smiling. In fact, she might as well be smiling all the time. You probably don't need to mention it here)

"You want to go somewhere nice?" I ask.

"Yeah, but where?" he asks sweetly. (what in his voice makes what he asks sweet? Also, you used 'asks' just before)

"The lake?" I suggest as we pass Falls Lake.

"Sure." he says. I turn in the turning lane to go to Falls Lake. The sun was setting over the horizon of the lake, and it was perfect. (in what way was it perfect? The fact that they're together again, the fact that the sun was glistening so beautifully over the lake, etc?) We park the car and sit on the dock.

"Sophie?" he says getting down on his knee, and reaching for something in his pocket.

"Yeah?" I say as he takes my hand. I feel a slight tear going down my cheek as he chokes up the courage to pop the question.

"Will you marry me?" he asks with his trembling hands holding my hand. The ring was silver with a baby blue stone in the middle of it. I get on my knees too and wrap my arms around his neck.

"Yes." I say looking in his eyes. He takes the ring and puts it on my finger. We look back up at each other and kiss. It seems like one of those moments when nothing can go wrong, and for a while nothing did. (I like this ending, it flows nicely )

Okay, just a few things.
First - when you have a lot of dialogue, try to mix it up a bit. See how when you look over the block of text and it looks like a list of he said, she said? Try to rearrange it some.
Bob groaned. "Dude. What's going on?"
"Dude," Bob groaned. "What's going on?"
"Dude. What's going on?" Bob asked, groaning.

Second - Watch what your punctuation does in your dialogue.
When sentences stand alone, and have nothing to do with each other, then you use a period.
"That's gross." Helen's face scrunched in disgust.
BUT when the sentences are dependent or entwined, use a comma.
"That's gross," Helen said as her face scrunched in disgust.

Lastly, Show - Don't Tell.
This is a problem I have. Its more interesting to a reader when you put characters in a situation that shows whats going on in their story rather than tell them outright.
Like, just for example, instead of saying "Dylan had gone off to Iraq for a few months..."
You could say something like, "I watched as a young girl flung her arms around a thick man in uniform. More soldiers, just home from Iraq mixed into the waiting crowd of families, each enjoying their reunions. I was bursting with anticipation for my own reunion with Dylan. These few moments that I waited seemed just as long as the few months he'd been gone..."

I hope this made sense and was usefull.