Star crossed lovers..

Hello, Godly here for a review and happy review day!

I like this! It's short, sweet and straight to the point. The point you seem to get at here is the fact that polar opposites are damned to ill fated love. Thus the meaning of the title of star crossed lovers. I love the universe imagery here as it helps the point get across well whilst being imaginative at the same time. The personification of jealousy is also a very clever addition. This way the reader is propelled into a world where a feeling is the demise of even the most powerful of things. The star crossed idea not only fits with the curse but also acts as word play according to the theme which is a smart way of going through your poem. In some ways we are all star crossed as no one can love without jealousy or dispute thus pushing the issue of how love influences negativity more than it helps with optimism. Kudos! I only have a few improvements for you on the poem. The where should be were and you do not need to capitalise the line if it does not start a new sentence. Apart from that the poem was well thought out and a thought provoking read which made it enjoyable and memorable for me. Keep on writing and I hope to see more from you in the future.
All the best,
Godly

Hey there! clogs here to review!

First up: Typo alert. "Where" should be "were". Now, onto the actual review:

This just reads like a couple of events for me. It's not quite a sequence, as there's nothing to connect it. It's just: "x happened, x happened, x happened". Because of that, there's nothing to really make it flow logically or connect the ideas. As I reader, I'm left kinda just going, "What?" This is a clarity issue. I think that adding some connectors could help clear some things up a little. I'm confused about when these things are happening. Are they in order? This needs some sense of sequence to it to make it clear, because right now, I'm just generally confused.

Also, the images here are quite bland. "Star crossed lovers" is, of course, a clichè, and you don't really do a whole lot to make the idea your own. The juxtaposition of the sun and moon is quite common as well, but there's still not much here that puts your own twist on this. In one of Audy's Poetry Jams, we discussed how "good writers borrow, but great writers steal". Stealing these ideas is great and fine, but you need to do something of your own with this. I think the most interesting aspect of this is jealousy's curse, so I'd like to see more detail about that.

You can convey this with some better imagery, too. Showing and not telling can be pretty complex in poetry. Put something that paints a specific picture in the reader's mind to get your idea across. There's a lovely Knowledge Base article on imagery that I'll leave here so you can read up on that.

Imagery

One last thing: Why the almost-ellipses in the title? Is there any specific reason it's there? Misused ellipses are one of my pet peeves in poetry. I'd recommend getting rid of it, because it just doesn't serve any purpose.

I think that's about all. I do see potential with the ideas in this poem, so I'd love to see you expand them into something that's truly yours. Keep on writing!