This is the first time I've posted any of my work online. This is a letter I wrote to go with a short story, (that actually never got finished). I would appreciate any feed back.
Here I go...i still smoke, I've tried to quit but I just can't. I think there's a reason to why I smoke, apart from being addicted but I smoke every-time I think of you, which is all the time. It makes up for me not being able to be holding you every-time I miss you. I'm sorry, I can't do this. It's harder then I thought, talking to you like this. It's suppose to help, my therapist said so. Its just hard, when there's no reply.
Anyway, I guess I should give it a try before i judge it, as I haven't really talked about anything. Smoking, smoking makes me think that maybe, that maybe I'm getting closer to you. I'm on downwards spiral and I need your help, but your not here. I talked to my mum the other day, she cried, it broke my heart, I never thought that my heart could hurt anymore then it already did. I agreed to go to therapy. It was hard to open up to the therapist. Her name was Maggie too, which made it harder to talk to her. She asked a lot of questions, I tried my best to answer but I just couldn't.
She advised me to try talking to you, either out-loud or writing it down into a letter. I tried to talk to you out loud but I just felt stupid, so here I am, writing this letter too you. I don't know or understand how this is suppose to help but I guess I can admit to you I do feel better for writing this letter, even if this letter is helping a little, I can still feel my mind killing me slowly with thoughts of you. I just want to be closer to you, to be with you, to see your face, to here your voice...
You where the one, the only one and you still are....I would do anything to be with you once again. I love you... I'll see you soon, Maggie.
My Darling Gone.
John x
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello books, happy review day, Flite here for a review.
So, I liked the emotions portrayed here, it's pretty good stream-of-consciousness and your writing is very light and easy to follow. That being said, there are a few things that could be improved.
I would actually title this letter and address who John is speaking to before anything else. Personally, I really like what you've put on paper here, it's really raw and it's powerful though I'm not sure if the spelling mistakes are intentional or not due to John's emotional state. There are also a few 'i' where capitalization was not present. If anything at all, I'd say that this letter was too short context-wise to give us a proper insight into the situation at hand. We know that John loves Maggie, but Maggie isn't with him anymore (so why isn't she with him anymore? Is she dead, I'm sort of getting that vibe off here), under what circumstances or where is John writing this letter. There's a lot of raw emotions on display here, but we also need to see the reason why.
Other than that, I really liked this. Keep it up.
-Flite
Hi hunni, I'm going to find it hard to comment on this because although I lost my grandad many years ago, he passed away the day after my birthday. I was sort of up and down with this letter, I think I only fully understood it when I read you reply to a comment below, I can tell that when this was written the person was obviously overwhelmed with emotion that some of what was said I couldn't grasp BUT at the same time it also added to the depth of this poem and the confusion and denial that comes with grief and this I can relate on several aspects of my past and current situations. Only somebody living this moment would be able to capture it in that way so I deeply respect you for putting this out there which must have been very difficult. The only major negative I have with it is some of the spelling, minor classic mistakes eg 'but your not here' should be, but you're not here* ... 'then it already did' should be than it already...and then I would have put does rather than did ...suppose should be supposed to help ... And 'here your voice' should be hear your voice* just a couple of little spelling and punctuation mistakes that we all do at times ... For the record I just spelt punctuation wrong so yeah that proves my point lol but overall sweetheart this is very heartfelt and I hope that you have or will manage to find peace. I hope I haven't been too critical and keep it up. You've alot of potential.
Just read that back and realised how many mistakes I made...im such a loser
Thank you, for pointing these mistakes out to me, i will proof read my work in future and thank you, just for taking to the time to read my work, really. Also for helping me with and i appreciate your comment.
Anytime, I'm definitely no expert but I'll do what I can to help. Xx
Hi! I saw that you just commented on my poem and then I stumbled upon this. First off, this was extremely beautiful. It harbored a lot of depth and emotion. I think my favorite part was "It makes up for me not being able to be holding you every-time I miss you."
I can tell that this is a very emotional topic to be writing about, which makes it a million times better. You are being genuine in this piece and it resulted in something absolutely brilliant--Keep it up!
--eva
Not here to critique at all. I just wanted to say, this was beautiful. It made me cry a lot, and even though I don't know you or the situation you're in, I think I can relate to you. I've lost someone I loved more than anything in the world, and it completely destroyed me. For a long time..honestly, I can't even tell you I'm better now. I think sometimes you just do your best and pray for the best.
I'm really sorry for everything you're going through. I used to drink a lot for weeks and weeks because I couldn't handle the pain. I had become extremely self destructive and never ceased to blame myself. And I still do blame myself.
I think some things never really leave us--like the love you shared with Maggie.
I'm sorry, so sorry. I wish there was more I could tell you, or do something to help you.
What I can say is that, this was beautiful, and you are an inspiration. And you will be okay.
Please believe me when I say that. Just from your writing, I've gathered, you're an amazing person and things will get better for you.
All the best friend.
thank you for this. this letter for my story was actually based on me losing my Granddad a couple of years a go. i only just felt like i could write about as i was close to him and it still eats away at me. But thank you so much.
im glad your better then you was and i hope you keep on getting better.
thank you again. all the best to you also friend.