Flowing letters on my screen
Endless words or so it seems
The body's eyes view oh so much
Hands hurt with every touch
Every level exactly the same
I just can't stop playing this game
It's driving me past insane
How addicting to my brain
This game has become
My heart is like a drum
Beating steady all the same
I'm way to addicted to this game
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,742 Reviews
You're "way too addicted to this game!"
Ikr?
Hello again, smartdog90. I like this poem so much more than "Moms Can Be Annoying". It rhymed and flowed better. And I can definitely relate to this which is funny. There are only a few mistakes here and there so, let me point them out to you:
I was confused a bit here. I think it would make better sense if you changed it to:
"My eyes are hurting oh so much." You could word that differently though.
You should change "steady" to "steadily" since it is an adverb describing "Beating". Also, you mean to say "too" instead of "to". Example: This was too hard! I wrote a letter to you..
It would also look better if you added some punctuation. Anyway, I enjoyed this! Keep writing and never get discouraged!
~Keepwriting
Just letting everybody know; I completely changed this poem, even the title is different.
Hello there! You've done a great job writing this poem...
"Flowing letters on my screen
Endless words and so it seems"
The first two lines are undoubtedly the best, but I think it would have been much better if you replaced and with or.
In the third line id est "My body and eyes view so much, I can't fathom how both your body and eyes can see stuff... It could be just something poetical but according to may it just sounds plain weird.
The last two verses don't seem to fit very well with the rest of the poem and have some scope for refinement. There's a lot you can say about computers, try expanding this poem, it has a lot of potential. I also think you should reconsider the title as it's a bit too ambiguous, but then it also adds to the beauty of the poem.
Sorry for being so overcritical! I totally loved this poem and it basically sums up my feeling for computers. You're a very talented writer, keep writing!
P.S. I'd be very grateful if you could review my poem Set Me Free Too
I'll check it out
This was long ago...
Hello brother.
Guess what, I'm reviewing your poem.
First of all, as a fellow online scholar I totally love this!
I feel like after a long day working at school, writing essays and taking quizzes; this is perfect!
I want to make this into a picture, and use it as my desktop background. Brother, your writing has improved since the last thing by you I read (a portfolio...) and I enjoyed this. But, the last line throws my flow into a tail-spin because although it rhymes it does not make sense. So Brother, I would suggest that you change that last line or maybe even the last two verses. Overall I liked it, keep on writing and good luck!
I absolutely love this, it exactly how I feel about computers sometimes. I really don't know what to say... I can't think of anything to change, it just seems so perfect. Great job!
Thanks!:)