Set Me Free Too

Hi there, this is a review, as promised.

Well, to be honest I didn't want to review this because I usually write reviews because there's something wrong with a work, but yeah. So yay, dude! You've done great with this poem. I can't say a lot because I wouldn't want to be repetitive since the other reviewers already said some things. And you edited this, right? It's much more better right now. It doesn't have that high falutin approach on things anymore, which is great. For me, poems like this usually don't work out because I believe that simplicity is for the better, however this one was more than okay.

I love the descriptions, the lark, ah the lark. It's nice that another thirteen year old loves writing as much as me! I can't believe you wrote this, because it seems to be written by someone older.

Oh, I do have corrections, looking at the poem once again. You have to work on your punctuations. Look at it again carefully and correct some punctuation marks there ^-^. That's all I can say right now, apart from what MeandBooks said about it being vague, 'tis okay. Actually, better than okay in some parts. So yeah.

As always, happy writing~

Hi. Well, you asked me for a review but you've already got so many nice ones. So all I would say is your poem is lovely.

well, dude, you have already got some good reviews. I will just leave comment. Ok?

I really like the poem. In fact, I would like it to be a lyric and turn it into a song. The theme is a really good one. I like the setting. Three quite same shaped stanzas. It is pleasing to look at. Just to look at.

And, the words? Well, they were good,too. They were awesome. There was rhyming which I really enjoyed. Well-chosen words. Really good.

Thanks for the poem. I would like to read more.

Hey there! I'm here as requested. It means a lot to me that you think I'm a good writer - mind sharing which pieces(s) of mine you liked? Anyway, on to the review.

General Thoughts
I could talk all day about nitpicks and question your form and things, but instead I'd like to look at this work as a whole, and see where it is weak.

1. This is clearly a depressive, frustrated, longing poem - the imagery, if simple, very clearly conveys the right mood, so props for that. The imagery in general is the best part of this poem - I particularly like the idea of the narrator the lark to set them free.

However, the major issue I see here is that this poem is far too vague. Clearly, the narrator is unhappy with something in the world, and sees it as a shackle, but because the reader has no idea what it is (and it could be literally anything), a lot of the emotional impact is lost. You'll tend to wind up with the reader thinking "oh look, another crusader whining about what the world has come to these days" instead of a reaction along the lines of "this is exactly how I feel" or "oh wow, this is a terrible problem, now I know exactly why this person feels this way and we should fix it." You kind of hint at it with "mustn't let our ethos crumble," but you should probably go into a lot more depth and not use generalized terms about the "peril" mankind is in.

2. This problem is exacerbated by the... academic... words you use. Although I understand you're trying to use specific words to convey specific images, here it's only working some of the time. In particular, "trammels" and "labefaction" sound like you've been looking through a thesaurus (or you just have a really large vocabulary), and you could easily use their simpler alternatives. However, some of the other words, like "sombre" and "decrepit" definitely add to the mood. Learning when to use these words and when not to is a skill set that I'm afraid mostly requires practice. In general, try not to go for a thesaurus - try to use only words you already know, unless you really need something more specific.

The reason this exacerbates problem 1 is because it gives the poem and the narrator a more academic tone - which in turn makes it harder for the reader to empathize with the characters in the poem. Although "big", specific words definitely belong in poetry because of the exact images they can convey when used right, an academic style of writing generally doesn't because it usually inhibits conveying emotion, which is pretty much what poetry is all about.

3. I'm not going to harp on this too much, but remember that poetry really doesn't have to rhyme if you don't want it to, and a lot of the time that frees you to do more interesting things and convey emotion better. In my opinion, rhyming (or a specific format/rhythm in general) is one of the most difficult things in poetry to do well because of the constraints you have to work with. When done right, it's amazing, but a lot of the time it's easier to go freeform, especially for inexperienced poets. I'm not saying don't do it, but do keep in mind that your poem may work better freeform.

Anyway, I've decided not to do nitpicks on this, as I've already kind of included some and I don't think more would be very helpful. I wish you the best of luck with this work, and thanks again for your very kind message. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

Thanks a ton for that message, it really means a lot to know that someone thinks I'm a good writer. Might I ask which story it was that you liked? (Those are quite old, by the way, I'll probably be posting something new in the next month or two.) Anyway, here's your review.

Now, let's first make it clear that I don't usually review poems, because I'm honestly not all that learned in them, but I do have a very good sense for world flow and what works and what doesn't. Your first stanza is definitely my favorite, partly because of your rhyming 'trail' with 'dale', which, I think, shows your experience as a poet. Most of the people that I've seen would probably rhyme 'trail' with 'sail' or 'mail', or something that ends in 'ail'.

Your second stanza I think shows your intelligence. 'Gloom burgeons' was what I liked best about it, partly because it creates such a vivid image in my mind. The last stanza I didn't feel was quite as powerful as your first two, but I think it wraps up the poem nicely.

In all, I really liked the words you used. This is a poem that shouldn't be read while you're distracted, because then I think you would completely fail to grasp the deep meaning of it. It appears I don't have anything to correct, but I think I do have to agree with @felistia when they said that you should tune down some of the words you are using. Most people who reading this will most likely have to get a dictionary. You need to find a happy medium where you can still use big, creative words, but also keep it understandable to the majority of people. Keeping writing, this was impressive.

- BookWolf

Hi Rishik my name is jessiebear and I am going to do a short review on your work. Okay I hope what I say is help full to you. If it is not help full and it is rood pleas tell me so I do not do it any more. and if you don't agree with me pleas say.

Okay what I liked about the poem.

It was very relaxing wile I read it. And the name of the poem is very interesting to. You all so poult me in your poem and I could imagine what you where saying so well done. There was no spelling mistakes so this is a very good start to a very good poem.


Now what needs to be fixt in the poem.

Okay there are sentences that need full stopes at the end of them and I will show you some of the okay (Trudging down a decrepit trail,)(Sighing and staring across the dale,)
(Thinking of the trammels that deter me,)(Looking up to it with despondency,)
(gloom burgeons around me,). If you don't want a full stop at the end then don't bout a
capital letter at the beginning of the sent ins.

And that is all that needs to be fixt in this poem so that is very good.

This is the best poem I have ever read on this site . I hope you will let me no when you have posted another poem so I can review it for you. I hope you will never stop weighting, and keep up with the good work and keep weighting fantastic poems, paragraphs and story's.

And I hope you have a good day are night ether one.

From jessiebear.

Hey! I'm here to review your amazing poem!

First off, I loved your word play in this piece. Some words were confusing, which meant I had to take out a dictionary! That shows you really know your stuff! I barely see any good poems out there, so I just recently created an account on here to see more. Yours, was an amazing start. I love it! Amazing job!

I also love how at the end, it gives me the impression of that even though things seem down, there is always hope, and we all need to see that. Ending each stanza with almost the same line is pretty cool too! I've never seen that before!

Keep on writing! You are so much better than me, and knowing from this - you'll only get better and better! Thanks for even teaching me some new things!

Have a great day… or night?

Hi Rishik, Felistia here with a review on your poem.

Firstly, welcome to YWS. I hope you have fun on the site.
Now on with the review.

Wow you certainly have a wide vocabulary, some of the words in here I hadn't even heard of. Now this can be a good thing and a bad thing at the same time. You use a lot of complex words and after a while it gets a bit much. Maybe cut down a bit on the big words like (despondency) so that the poem reads a bit easier.

I really like the concept you have here. It is complex and has an up lifting feeling. Then ending line is my favourite as it makes me feel very happy and it ties up the poem really nicely.

Over all you are a very talented writer and I look forward to seeing more of your work. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.

Hello, InfiniteRectangles here with a review for you!

Okay, so I really really liked this piece. It was very well written, especially for someone as young as you! (assuming your age is accurate on your account haha) I really like how mature this poem sounded, it gave it an ominous yet sophisticated feel. I love how you ended it saying that there is still hope and all is not lost. It makes me feel all warm and inspired. I absolutely love poems that start out dark and end with a light at the end of the tunnel, so great job on that!

"Our labefaction I rue."
Maybe it is just how I read it, but this line doesn't quite seem to match the rhythm of the rest of the piece. It just seems a bit out of place. Maybe you could try rewording it to make it flow better.

The only other issue I had with this poem is that I felt it should be a little longer. It seemed to end rather abruptly. Right as I was getting really into it, it ended. I think making it a bit longer would strengthen your point and make your poem even more powerful (as long as you don't make it so long that it drags.)

That's all I have for you. This was a fantastic poem and I'm looking forward to reading more of your work! You're a very talented poet Keep writing and have a wonderful day/night!

P.S. Welcome to YWS!

This is a pretty good poem! I like how it has this serious, almost depressing mood, which you acknowledge at the end, but also admit that there is still a chance. While this is a common theme in poems, I still enjoy seeing portrayed again and again.

I also liked how you ended each stanza with almost the same line. It worked well with the rest throughout the poem. However, I believe if you made the poem longer overall this element could have been made even stronger. There is a lot more to say about the terrible event in Paris, and I think you can incorporate even more into the poem.

Anyhow, good job on this poem. It was deep and meaningful, but still easy to read. Keep up the good work!
herby